Post interview blues

[Nerfherder]

Who else gets like this after a job interview.

I had a really good interview a while back and it looked like I was going to get the job, I started mentally moving away from my current job by putting off work and not committing to future plans. I still did my work but everything I hated I would just put aside because "it would be over soon".
Then the new job fell through and I had to mentally get back into my work. Took me about a month to recover and become properly productive again. I was literally dragging myself to work every day.

I feel like the same thing is about to happen to me again. I just had two great interviews with a new company and they seemed keen. We went overtime on both interviews and they had a lot to ask. Responses seemed positive and they said they wanted to do a background check. So i'm waiting now for a response on Friday.

I'n trying not to get myself in to the same mental state as I did last time but I still find it impossible to work. We are heading in to a busy time now and need to do all this planning. I should be getting involved and making sure its going to run smoothly but I keep thinking "whats the point?"
The worst is... I have only had a handful of interviews because my job is very niche. I have literally gone for an interview for every job that I could have. I keep getting this paranoid feeling that my current employer somehow knows that I'm about to leave and starts behaving completely differently. After one interview they decided to start giving overtime and backpay, this fell away eventually. Then after another they changed a whole lot of things that I have been complaining about and since the last interview they have talked about new work opportunities for me overseas etc.
It actually feels like someone is alerting them every time and they are either intervening or manipulating. Its probably paranoia because its completely logical that they can see that I am unhappy and react to retain me.

I have been at the same place for 10 years and there isn't actually a plan for my redundancy. If I leave it will be ugly and will be hard for other co-workers. I can't stand it any longer.... feels like I'm going back to an abusive partner every time.

 

[Purply]

Your mentality seems flawed since you will inevitably need to give one month notice before you can leave your current job. No idea why you already starting to slack off, very nonsensical i.m.o

I really hope you get the new job, mostly for putting you out of your misery by the look of things.

 

[Katoolsie]

I know this feeling that you are describing. It's happened to me as well.
Good luck with the new job.

I am also in a weird situation.
My current job is paying me a good salary (I think it's more than I'm actually worth).

I am getting really sick of my boss and I want to find something else, BUT I probably wont be paid as much.
So do I leave and earn a bit less or do I stay for the extra cash?

Its driving me mad.

 

[Nerfherder]

Your mentality seems flawed since you will inevitably need to give one month notice before you can leave your current job. No idea why you already starting to slack off, very nonsensical i.m.o

I really hope you get the new job, mostly for putting you out of your misery by the look of things.

Sure. I do agree I should not be slacking but do you understand what its like to be unhappy in your job and have to stay because of financial reasons ?
Not many people I know can leave their jobs without securing a new job.

I do get excited about the prospect of moving on. The prospects look good and I want to move on. What I meant to say was that I got really down after the last interview didn't work out, I can't help that. I tried to not get too excited and I agree my mentality is totally flawed. You can't get excited about something that is not definite yet. Its really hard though.

 

[Chevron]

Who else gets like this after a job interview.

I had a really good interview a while back and it looked like I was going to get the job, I started mentally moving away from my current job by putting off work and not committing to future plans. I still did my work but everything I hated I would just put aside because "it would be over soon".
Then the new job fell through and I had to mentally get back into my work. Took me about a month to recover and become properly productive again. I was literally dragging myself to work every day.

I feel like the same thing is about to happen to me again. I just had two great interviews with a new company and they seemed keen. We went overtime on both interviews and they had a lot to ask. Responses seemed positive and they said they wanted to do a background check. So i'm waiting now for a response on Friday.

I'n trying not to get myself in to the same mental state as I did last time but I still find it impossible to work. We are heading in to a busy time now and need to do all this planning. I should be getting involved and making sure its going to run smoothly but I keep thinking "whats the point?"
The worst is... I have only had a handful of interviews because my job is very niche. I have literally gone for an interview for every job that I could have. I keep getting this paranoid feeling that my current employer somehow knows that I'm about to leave and starts behaving completely differently. After one interview they decided to start giving overtime and backpay, this fell away eventually. Then after another they changed a whole lot of things that I have been complaining about and since the last interview they have talked about new work opportunities for me overseas etc.
It actually feels like someone is alerting them every time and they are either intervening or manipulating. Its probably paranoia because its completely logical that they can see that I am unhappy and react to retain me.

I have been at the same place for 10 years and there isn't actually a plan for my redundancy. If I leave it will be ugly and will be hard for other co-workers. I can't stand it any longer.... feels like I'm going back to an abusive partner every time.

2 things.

1) You should try putting off "switching off", until you get the offer from the new employer. Especially as someone pointed out, you have to give notice anyway.

2) The fact they are introducing new benefits is good, the fact they removed some of them already is bad. It could mean only some of the top guys want to improve the situation, or they are only half hearting it so you stop looking.

Since you say your job is niche, it could mean the know each other. Some industries are quite small.

I was going to ask if you've spoken to someone about what makes you unhappy, but you already mentioned you've been complaining about stuff.

It almost seems like you need to keep going for interviews to keep them honest.

 

[Nerfherder]

I know this feeling that you are describing. It's happened to me as well.
Good luck with the new job.

I am also in a weird situation.
My current job is paying me a good salary (I think it's more than I'm actually worth).

I am getting really sick of my boss and I want to find something else, BUT I probably wont be paid as much.
So do I leave and earn a bit less or do I stay for the extra cash?

Its driving me mad.

Yes I had a thread about that before as well and got blasted. They pay me more than others might think I'm worth and there are nice benefits.
Its hard to convince someone else that you are still worth that amount.
So easy to stay where you are where its easy and not progress.

 

[Chevron]

I know this feeling that you are describing. It's happened to me as well.
Good luck with the new job.

I am also in a weird situation.
My current job is paying me a good salary (I think it's more than I'm actually worth).

I am getting really sick of my boss and I want to find something else, BUT I probably wont be paid as much.
So do I leave and earn a bit less or do I stay for the extra cash?

Its driving me mad.

You spoken to the higher ups at all about what's making you unhappy?

 

[Purply]

Sure. I do agree I should not be slacking but do you understand what its like to be unhappy in your job and have to stay because of financial reasons ?
Not many people I know can leave their jobs without securing a new job.

I do get excited about the prospect of moving on. The prospects look good and I want to move on. What I meant to say was that I got really down after the last interview didn't work out, I can't help that. I tried to not get too excited and I agree my mentality is totally flawed. You can't get excited about something that is not definite yet. Its really hard though.

Understood, I've been there, extremely crap job and terrible bosses, fighting almost weekly was nothing new and walking out for a few days was almost a common occurrence.

Actually now that I'm thinking back at how gruesome that entire experience was (worked there for 12 years) I am fully with you on your mental state and understand why you getting exited when you know you shouldn't

Holding thumbs everything works out for you

 

[hellfire]

Who else gets like this after a job interview.

I had a really good interview a while back and it looked like I was going to get the job, I started mentally moving away from my current job by putting off work and not committing to future plans. I still did my work but everything I hated I would just put aside because "it would be over soon".
Then the new job fell through and I had to mentally get back into my work. Took me about a month to recover and become properly productive again. I was literally dragging myself to work every day.

I feel like the same thing is about to happen to me again. I just had two great interviews with a new company and they seemed keen. We went overtime on both interviews and they had a lot to ask. Responses seemed positive and they said they wanted to do a background check. So i'm waiting now for a response on Friday.

I'n trying not to get myself in to the same mental state as I did last time but I still find it impossible to work. We are heading in to a busy time now and need to do all this planning. I should be getting involved and making sure its going to run smoothly but I keep thinking "whats the point?"
The worst is... I have only had a handful of interviews because my job is very niche. I have literally gone for an interview for every job that I could have. I keep getting this paranoid feeling that my current employer somehow knows that I'm about to leave and starts behaving completely differently. After one interview they decided to start giving overtime and backpay, this fell away eventually. Then after another they changed a whole lot of things that I have been complaining about and since the last interview they have talked about new work opportunities for me overseas etc.
It actually feels like someone is alerting them every time and they are either intervening or manipulating. Its probably paranoia because its completely logical that they can see that I am unhappy and react to retain me.

I have been at the same place for 10 years and there isn't actually a plan for my redundancy. If I leave it will be ugly and will be hard for other co-workers. I can't stand it any longer.... feels like I'm going back to an abusive partner every time.

"Hope for the best, plan for the worst" - Jack Reacher

 

[Nerfherder]

2 things.

1) You should try putting off "switching off", until you get the offer from the new employer. Especially as someone pointed out, you have to give notice anyway.

2) The fact they are introducing new benefits is good, the fact they removed some of them already is bad. It could mean only some of the top guys want to improve the situation, or they are only half hearting it so you stop looking.

Since you say your job is niche, it could mean the know each other. Some industries are quite small.

I was going to ask if you've spoken to someone about what makes you unhappy, but you already mentioned you've been complaining about stuff.

It almost seems like you need to keep going for interviews to keep them honest.

Yup. We have performance reviews and you get to say whats bothering you... I also don't hold back.
Changes are made and rolled back... sometimes because of abuse but that's not my problem. Also overtime is not in my contract so I can't get used to things like that ....

I have limited my search but its time to start casting my net. I think I actually need to move out of my niche, the reasoning is that I'd only be worth what I'm getting paid now if I stay in this industry.

 

[Ancalagon]

As for your employer getting word that you are out there interviewing, there are other ways that they could be picking it up.

They might notice you going out of the office often to have a phone call. If an employee is taking phone calls outside the office often, chances are they are arranging interviews. If you have an access card system, it becomes even easier to monitor how long employees are spending outside.

Depending on the person, some of them might be able to pick it up from your demeanour. Remember what you said about being over it because mentally you had already moved on? That will be visible to other people.

 

[cguy]

Who else gets like this after a job interview.

I had a really good interview a while back and it looked like I was going to get the job, I started mentally moving away from my current job by putting off work and not committing to future plans. I still did my work but everything I hated I would just put aside because "it would be over soon".
Then the new job fell through and I had to mentally get back into my work. Took me about a month to recover and become properly productive again. I was literally dragging myself to work every day.

Just a note on some personal insight I've had here, that I expect is applicable to many others. When I've interviewed elsewhere, and thought that the interview went really well, and I really liked the company, interviewers, etc., I start to mentally "move there", just like you said you did. Something that I was not conscious of at first, was that even when I was starting the job hunt, I was actively sabotaging my current job - doing less work, "finding" more things that bothered me, etc. I realized that the reason I was doing this was to make the eventual decision to leave as easy as possible - the less I was appreciated, and the more issues I had with the place, the easier it would be to resign - I was subconsciously escalating the situation at my current job.

So, how does this help you? Well, firstly, be conscious of it, and just don't do it. If you don't get the job, you have to go back to the work you're doing, which may actually not have been all that intolerable to begin with, but now in your mind it is. It can mess up your incentive bonuses, which will reflect as "pay" for your next job, and in the future you may also need references from a manager that you pissed off during the "interview months".

An underlying reason for some of this self-sabotage is also often guilt. To some extent you could be leaving your colleagues in the lurch, "leaving" them, possibly never to be seen again. You're taking them unaware, so they will be shocked and dismayed, coming from left field. Guess what though?

It's a job, not your girlfriend!

I noticed that I was going on a emotional roller-coaster that resembled the one I went on when I dumped my first serious girlfriend some. It's so far from the same though - people leave jobs, and hardly anyone bats an eye, they simply hire a replacement and/or slog through the mess and unknown protocols and job functions that they never knew you did, and didn't resolve during your notice period. It's really no big deal - this happens all the time - it's not a divorce, people move jobs an average of every 5 years or so (less in some industries), **** happens - you've already been there for 10! Nobody is going to get emotionally ripped apart by your departure, the first thing your manager will think is, "Now, who's going to narfle the garthok?".

It's also not your problem that they haven't planned for redundancy - especially if things like backpay and overtime have ever been an issue.

 

[Nerfherder]

As for your employer getting word that you are out there interviewing, there are other ways that they could be picking it up.

They might notice you going out of the office often to have a phone call. If an employee is taking phone calls outside the office often, chances are they are arranging interviews. If you have an access card system, it becomes even easier to monitor how long employees are spending outside.

Depending on the person, some of them might be able to pick it up from your demeanour. Remember what you said about being over it because mentally you had already moved on? That will be visible to other people.

I don't work with my boss if that makes sense. So its hard to track my movements and we don't have access control. They give me a lot of freedom.

You are right though, It could just be a change in my attitude that they pick up.

I did make the mistake of leaving my LinkedIn profile on the default setting that will notify everyone if you make any changes like updating your CV or adding recruiters. That was ages ago.
I'm more worried that one of my references is either bad mouthing me or tipping off my employer.
Its hard because I have such a limited amount of people I can list. I have both my ex bosses who left the company and some old clients who I got on well with.
I can't add anyone who I currently work with or current clients as that will definitely come back to bite me.

 

[cguy]

I know this feeling that you are describing. It's happened to me as well.
Good luck with the new job.

I am also in a weird situation.
My current job is paying me a good salary (I think it's more than I'm actually worth).

I am getting really sick of my boss and I want to find something else, BUT I probably wont be paid as much.
So do I leave and earn a bit less or do I stay for the extra cash?

Its driving me mad.

Put yourself out there. You should take a market driven view on things: you are worth what someone is willing to pay you. You will almost certainly find that potential employers will tend to take that view as well, since even after an interview, they only have had a few hours to assess you.

 

[cerebus]

Snip

^^ All that stuff is true


I've definitely been there in the past, it's not worth it. You spend weeks with this sickening feeling in your stomach waiting for someone to call you and it never materalizes. Then you get your heart into a potential job, and it's quite heartbreaking to not get it. If you can't stand where you are, then you need to take a solid step to move - by making your job searching into your second job. You can send out 5 tailored CVs a night, you can get really well defined about your job search criteria, and eventually something will take. It's just a numbers game and you have the advantage that you aren't worried about making ends meet in the meantime.

It seems like part of the problem is you can't commit to leaving your job because of some kind of misguided sense of guilt towards your coworkers. I can tell you, they'll be fine - if they aren't, it's also not your responsibility since it isn't your company. You need to cut yourself off from that environment and realise that your job is a pure transaction in which you and the company benefit from something that you provide to each other.

 

[Ancalagon]

I don't work with my boss if that makes sense. So its hard to track my movements and we don't have access control. They give me a lot of freedom.

You are right though, It could just be a change in my attitude that they pick up.

I did make the mistake of leaving my LinkedIn profile on the default setting that will notify everyone if you make any changes like updating your CV or adding recruiters. That was ages ago.
I'm more worried that one of my references is either bad mouthing me or tipping off my employer.
Its hard because I have such a limited amount of people I can list. I have both my ex bosses who left the company and some old clients who I got on well with.
I can't add anyone who I currently work with or current clients as that will definitely come back to bite me.

Usually they only contact referees with your permissions and only if things are going well.

Also, did you ask your referees if they consent to being referees?

 

[Chevron]

I don't work with my boss if that makes sense. So its hard to track my movements and we don't have access control. They give me a lot of freedom.

You are right though, It could just be a change in my attitude that they pick up.

I did make the mistake of leaving my LinkedIn profile on the default setting that will notify everyone if you make any changes like updating your CV or adding recruiters. That was ages ago.
I'm more worried that one of my references is either bad mouthing me or tipping off my employer.
Its hard because I have such a limited amount of people I can list. I have both my ex bosses who left the company and some old clients who I got on well with.
I can't add anyone who I currently work with or current clients as that will definitely come back to bite me.

Also if you're always working through lunch and suddenly start taking random long lunch breaks it becomes quite obvious.

 

[OrbitalDawn]

You mention your position/skillset/industry is very niche. What is it, if I may ask?

 

[Nerfherder]

Usually they only contact referees with your permissions and only if things are going well.

Also, did you ask your referees if they consent to being referees?

I have and this time they said they were going to contact a particular person.

I know with recruiters it can be different though and they can verify references before the interview.

 

[Nerfherder]

You mention your position/skillset/industry is very niche. What is it, if I may ask?

I have actually said too much... both current and prospective employers will probably be around.

I'm in IT and I'm not a developer, BA or Network tech. I have skills from all those jobs though.