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s0lar
Executive Member
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2009
- Messages
- 5,234
I am looking for a show of hands for those who have been to rehab and possibly a halfway house like myself. Before I go into the war stories. Rehab is a personal taste as anybody who has taken 6 weeks plus of their lives away from any form of contact with friends and loved ones will now.
Possibly the most emotional time of my life having to come face to face with my **** lifes choices and obviously resulting drug addiction square in the face, with each every person in my family and friend circle knowing exactly where I was. I still get "the disapproving looks" at family get-togethers, years later. In shorty fiancee at the time was booked into a separate clinic the same night, the last time I had seen before she was taken by ambulance, she was on the floor drifting in and out of consciousness, split personalities, dementia etc. It was a *****en scary time. The last I had heard of her she was having CAT scans and put on a sedative drip for a few days to stabilise the psychosis or whatever they called it. At the time I had no idea if the mother of my child was dead or alive or if social workers would take our daughter away. In my paranoid haze I had an idea she was selling me out to save herself and our daughter! I was also due to appear in court for drug related charges which the rehab centre would not let me attend as I might have used the opportunity to use. To top it off the Doc at the rehab centre pointed out I had developed a inoperable heart murmur to take for the rest of my life as well as a few STD's. Who can forget the pissed off (jealous) ex who heard I was in rehab and broke into my place at the same time and stole me blind!
Long story short, that was nearly three years ago. I have managed to hold my own relapsing every now and then, but nothing to the extent of what it was. That is until a couple of months ago.. Things are going back there. The first rehab was a emotional mess, fuelled by uncertainty of what and who would be there for me when I eventually came out.
My question to my fellow "recovering" addicts, is there any value in going back again? I met some really honest people there who really just wanted to end it all. Anybody who socialised with addicts will know what I mean. Everybody wants away out, but turn your back for a second and your "friend" will sell you out for a gram of their preference.
With that all on the go, (forgot to mention, my mother was diagnosed with cancer at the same time, not to mention her disappointment in me her only son). I had a lot on my mind the first time round that I was never really "there" besides the chemical haze . Any suggestions on alternatives? I know its a matter of time before I lose my family, job and then most likely my life. Maybe rehab is the way. iI less stuff is on the go at the same time.? Also I got a feel that the 12-steps has a cult type thing about it. A blind following if you will, I was pretty out of it during my time there. My counsellor refused me access to the medical staff treating my wife. Its all a bit fuzzy if I think back now. I still think he's a self absorbed ex-herion addict with a god complex for beating it!
That said, this time round the stakes are higher I have an awesome family, a upper executive management position in huge communications consortium. Life is mostly good. Children, wife, house, "picket fence" responsibilities etc. My Wife condones it, thinking I can handle it. Its becoming clear to us both it past being a manageable pass time months ago.
Suggestions, ideas? I am not all that keen on having to redo an excuse as to why I have taken a 6 week "sabbatical" again to friends and colleagues. I am not asking for a silver bullet , just honest two cents based on experience. Anybody affilated to a religious group or have a stake in a rehabiliation centre are single minded.. If I remember correctly my last stay cost me +R70k for 6 weeks. Rehab is a money game anybody who disagrees can somehow justify that kind of cost in a dorm on par with a dodgy hotel and "food" to match near prison standards, need their head read.. Do they give a **** or do I just try something else? I cant do the therapist thing as I have a lot to loose, should they see me an unfit father that will open another can of ****e. The social workers would probably take my wife down too for standing by and not doing anything about it with children in the house.
Possibly the most emotional time of my life having to come face to face with my **** lifes choices and obviously resulting drug addiction square in the face, with each every person in my family and friend circle knowing exactly where I was. I still get "the disapproving looks" at family get-togethers, years later. In shorty fiancee at the time was booked into a separate clinic the same night, the last time I had seen before she was taken by ambulance, she was on the floor drifting in and out of consciousness, split personalities, dementia etc. It was a *****en scary time. The last I had heard of her she was having CAT scans and put on a sedative drip for a few days to stabilise the psychosis or whatever they called it. At the time I had no idea if the mother of my child was dead or alive or if social workers would take our daughter away. In my paranoid haze I had an idea she was selling me out to save herself and our daughter! I was also due to appear in court for drug related charges which the rehab centre would not let me attend as I might have used the opportunity to use. To top it off the Doc at the rehab centre pointed out I had developed a inoperable heart murmur to take for the rest of my life as well as a few STD's. Who can forget the pissed off (jealous) ex who heard I was in rehab and broke into my place at the same time and stole me blind!
Long story short, that was nearly three years ago. I have managed to hold my own relapsing every now and then, but nothing to the extent of what it was. That is until a couple of months ago.. Things are going back there. The first rehab was a emotional mess, fuelled by uncertainty of what and who would be there for me when I eventually came out.
My question to my fellow "recovering" addicts, is there any value in going back again? I met some really honest people there who really just wanted to end it all. Anybody who socialised with addicts will know what I mean. Everybody wants away out, but turn your back for a second and your "friend" will sell you out for a gram of their preference.
With that all on the go, (forgot to mention, my mother was diagnosed with cancer at the same time, not to mention her disappointment in me her only son). I had a lot on my mind the first time round that I was never really "there" besides the chemical haze . Any suggestions on alternatives? I know its a matter of time before I lose my family, job and then most likely my life. Maybe rehab is the way. iI less stuff is on the go at the same time.? Also I got a feel that the 12-steps has a cult type thing about it. A blind following if you will, I was pretty out of it during my time there. My counsellor refused me access to the medical staff treating my wife. Its all a bit fuzzy if I think back now. I still think he's a self absorbed ex-herion addict with a god complex for beating it!
That said, this time round the stakes are higher I have an awesome family, a upper executive management position in huge communications consortium. Life is mostly good. Children, wife, house, "picket fence" responsibilities etc. My Wife condones it, thinking I can handle it. Its becoming clear to us both it past being a manageable pass time months ago.
Suggestions, ideas? I am not all that keen on having to redo an excuse as to why I have taken a 6 week "sabbatical" again to friends and colleagues. I am not asking for a silver bullet , just honest two cents based on experience. Anybody affilated to a religious group or have a stake in a rehabiliation centre are single minded.. If I remember correctly my last stay cost me +R70k for 6 weeks. Rehab is a money game anybody who disagrees can somehow justify that kind of cost in a dorm on par with a dodgy hotel and "food" to match near prison standards, need their head read.. Do they give a **** or do I just try something else? I cant do the therapist thing as I have a lot to loose, should they see me an unfit father that will open another can of ****e. The social workers would probably take my wife down too for standing by and not doing anything about it with children in the house.
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