Relationship help thread...

[Hamish McPanji]

/in da house

 

[SaoirseB]

Wow. So I see a lot happened in here while I was gone. I'm going to try and reply during the day to all this.

 

[SaoirseB]

There are two real issues here for me in this thread.

First:

Random Hero related how he showed his gf a message that called his character into question for her.

The gf was called crazy, a b-tch, sneaky, controlling and was accused of testing RH, threatening him, trying to make him her bitch and trying to cut him off from all his friends. RH was told that he did nothing wrong. It was all the b-tches fault. He should tell her there are more b-tches out there ready to get his dick wet.

How many men in here stepped up to defend a woman who was not here to defend herself? How many men here put themselves in her shoes?

I stepped in to defend her and I believe I was very civil.

Second:

I related how two women I knew had been manipulated by a men:

Sorry as a woman I'm very sensitive when it comes to stuff like this. I personally knew two girls who got played like this. One had a nervous breakdown, the other ended up in an institution for 3 months.
But my bad. I didn't realize it was meant as a joke. I read it as the OP should tell her he loves her to get her to forgive/move on with him thereby manipulating/playing with her emotions.

Without even hearing what the men did to them. They had already been judged. And received the following in response:

Oh, hello. I didn't know Dr. Phil is on MyBroadband.
The situation in the first paragraph is caused by their own emotional insecurity, not by the guys. If a guy leaving you has this effect on women, perhaps they're safer off becoming crazy cat ladies instead.
Millions of other women have survived situations like this no problem.

You must be hellu crazy already for something like that to drive you to an institution. :wtf:

Instead of condemning what the men did, the women were attacked. I was told it was their fault they got manipulated and abused emotionally and mentally by these men. By the way, why is it ok that millions of women have survived this? Does it make it right?

Even after clarifying:

The girl who ended up the institution. The guy kept telling her he loved her. I and several other women (who he flirted with) told her he was seeing other women on the side, but she wouldn't listen cause she was so in love with him. He even asked her to marry him, then a week before they were supposed to get married he dumped her to be with his sister-in-law. Dumped her after everything had been done. Dress bought, invitations sent, kitchen tea done. It was horrific. What kind of human does that to another human? But I don't know why I even bother. Men will always defend each other.

This is the response:

Sounds like she was crazy, tbh. Her craziness led her to see whatever she wanted to see and this allowed the guy to abuse her indefinitely.
BTW, nobody is defending men who lie to their partners. It will be a good start if you wouldn't put words in our mouths.

By the way, we’re not defending men who who lie or abuse women, BUT these women don’t need defending. Because hang on, they are emotionally insecure and even crazy after all which allows these men to abuse and manipulate them. So it's their own fault.
And just in case you missed it. BTW, nobody is defending men who lie to their partners.

Which part of the message did I miss?

This was my problem with this thread until it was made about me. I’ll respond to that later.

 

[bokdrol]

Interesting. Of all the "many" women on this forum, aside from Saoir and myself, which of them contributed to this thread?

 

[Nick333]

Interesting. Of all the "many" women on this forum, aside from Saoir and myself, which of them contributed to this thread?

D3nz and Venomous (I think).

 

[Ancalagon]

The gf was called crazy, a b-tch, sneaky, controlling and was accused of testing RH, threatening him, trying to make him her bitch and trying to cut him off from all his friends. RH was told that he did nothing wrong. It was all the b-tches fault. He should tell her there are more b-tches out there ready to get his dick wet.

Where does anyone call her a bitch? Also, I disagree that he did anything wrong. First, it was before they were dating. Second, it was a private conversation. He can have private conversations if he wants, and so can she.

How many men in here stepped up to defend a woman who was not here to defend herself? How many men here put themselves in her shoes?

Why do we have to defend her - because she is a woman? Is that all it takes to require defense? How about, if we believe she is right?

I won't defend anyone unless I believe they are right. I do not believe she is right. That is all there is to it. It is not misogyny, it is not hatred, it is simply that she is wrong in this case. That is all.

Why does being a woman entitle her to defense?

 

[Ancalagon]

edit: double post

 

[STS]

Interesting. Of all the "many" women on this forum, aside from Saoir and myself, which of them contributed to this thread?

why would it matter?

 

[registerforfree]

By the way, we’re not defending men who who lie or abuse women, BUT these women don’t need defending. Because hang on, they are emotionally insecure and even crazy after all which allows these men to abuse and manipulate them. So it's their own fault.
And just in case you missed it. BTW, nobody is defending men who lie to their partners.

And nobody did defend the men who did this to these women you mentioned. What we said was that if women allow themselves to be abused by men such as these when all their friends tell them about the abuse, then there's an obvious underlying psychological condition. Healthy, well-adjusted people don't tell their friends "laaawl you kidddd gurrrrl" when they tell them about how their partners are actively trying to cheat on them.

Is it the women's fault she got abused? No. Is it her fault she let herself be abused like that when all the evidence for her boyfriend's abuse was readily available? Yep.

The worst part of your posts was the fact that you used these isolated incidents to condemn all men to bastardhood, saying no man will ever change your mind while simultaneously writing off all women who do the same things. If you say abrasive things such as that, how are you surprised that the reaction is similarly abrasive?

 

[SaoirseB]

Now about me and my opinions which apparently is such a huge issue.

That's the problem. She didn't respect or love herself enough to protect herself. But that ass-hole still took advantage of her. I'm not saying only men hurt women, but I've seen way to much to ever believe anything a guy ever says.

So all men are liars?

I'm not saying all men are liars. Please remember I'm speaking purely from my life experience, so I will be biased.

But you said you don't believe anything a man says. That means you believe all men are lying to you. Which is it?

Don't know how else to explain it. I'm not saying men are lying all the time. I can objectively see in other relationships that the men are not playing games. It's just very difficult for me personally to believe them, because always at the back of my mind is everything I've seen and heard. I know it's biased and unfair, but it's something I can't help. I think it's a good thing though, because it means I'll never be vulnerable to any man, plus I can just walk away.

Now if the men here HAD got upset when another man stated below that men ARE indeed liars, I would have reconsidered my statements. As it is I won't. Not my opinion or statements.

Yup, **** test failed.
Most men ARE indeed liars. You know why? Because they will do anything to satisfy women's ridiculous mindgames. Up to and including telling them anything. The vast majority of women will bitch about men lying, but then when he starts telling the truth for once, she'll really flip out. Some women will even admit it, they don't give a crap about what the truth is, they just want to hear what makes them feel good.

 

[longboy]

My word, things certainly got out of hand here. From relationship advice to butthurt... typical day in MyBB!

 

[registerforfree]

I won't defend anyone unless I believe they are right. I do not believe she is right. That is all there is to it. It is not misogyny, it is not hatred, it is simply that she is wrong in this case. That is all.

Why does being a woman entitle her to defense?

Didn't you know, if you disagree with her and don't take her side then you're a misogynist. You're only allowed to disagree with the actions of males.

#GenderEquality2015

 

[TJ99]

Pfft, I'm just a man so what do I know? I'm just sitting here at the Patriarchial Oppression Palace conjuring up schemes to keep strong, independent wymynz down.

While being fed delicious sammiches.

 

[SaoirseB]

Everything appeared to be settled until this:

Thank you for contributing and to everyone else in this thread.. No I don't think I will allow her to control me, i see myself as an alpha male. I'm quite steadfast and can stand my ground.. I will put her in her place.

*facepalm* Why, Random Hero, why???
Right up until that comment I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm thinking this girl might be right about you.
WHY did you ever think it's cool to 'put somebody in their place', especially when it's a woman who is justifiably concerned about committing to somebody who has a sketchy chat history with multiple women?

no i meant that i would not allow her to walk over me..

Dude, if you can't say what you mean online, when you actually type it and have a second to look over it before posting, when will you?
I think you DID mean it, because you're still getting it all wrong. If you thought she was cheating on you, or even likely to, you'd feel that you're allowed to confront her about this ... without her thinking you're trying to 'walk all over her', right? The same applies for you: you need to step back, listen to her concerns, and address them.
If you're trying to go into a relationship with your fists up and ready to defend yourself, you're going to get hurt as well as her. The hardest thing to do in a relationship is to make yourself vulnerable when you really feel like attacking instead.

I was also thinking the same thing until I saw his explanation. I think he was just carried away by the silly advice the men here are giving him about not letting himself become her b-tch.

That's the worrying thing, isn't it? Peer pressure is super-real, and super-dangerous. Imagine if he'd just had a discussion with his worried new girlfriend while all carried away with selfish male gung-ho ... it would have ended only one way, and where would the people here have been to mend his broken heart?
Oh that's right, real men don't suffer broken hearts...

Uh, this gay guy thinks you two are ****ing terrible. His gender is irrelevant. Any time a potential relationship partner starts playing jealous little mind games and the other partner just acquiesces to it, the latter partner shows that he/she is the bitch in the relationship and can safely be walked over.
You don't start a relationship by making someone feel jealous about joking around with their friends and then expect them to come crawling back to you like a beaten dog.
Not that I know why I'm even trying to talk to you. One of you thinks all men are liars.

I draw the conversation back to the real issue:

That's fine. No one cares what someone they don't know on the internet thinks of them. But as a gay man, I would have thought you of all people would have been the one to see the problem here.
Random Hero sleeps over at his new girlfriends dorm:
1. HE decides to show her an innocent conversation, but accidentally shows his conversation with another friend where he is mocking girls who were interested in him. NOTE: she never went sneaking on his cellphone. HE made the mistake of showing her the wrong conversation
2. He snatches the phone away when he realizes his mistake.
Said girl rightly gets upset, because what makes her think he isn't going to or wouldn't do the same to her. She questions his trustworthiness as any sane human would and she gets called names for it. She's now the sneaky controlling b-tch snooping on his phone.
Random Hero even gets advice to tell her she's not the only one who can get his dick wet and we're the ones who make you sick? Your sickness barometer is way off. You need to hand back your gay card and join all the straight ladies men here who've been with thousands of women and know women more than even they know themselves.

Posting this like this because I can’t find the post.
Originally Posted by registerforfree
"As a gay man, I know enough to know that this girl is full of ****. Guys goof around. This is what RH was doing. She overreacted and now she wants him to come crawling back like the good little bitch that he is. Again, this is not a gender issue. You get controlling people in both genders and you see it often.

And please don't proceed to lecture me and try to tell me how a gay guy should act or think. You're the girl who thinks all men are cheating liars and who can't fall in love at all. You're the last person to talk about handing back cards."

So you don't believe she had any valid reasons whatsoever for not trusting him after seeing those messages? She was just some snooping shrew wanting to control him?

Originally Posted by registerforfree
"Maybe you need to hand back your sanity card and go join the feminazis on Tumblr instead. There at least people will agree with you when you paint men out to be absolute monsters while pretending that women can never do anything wrong."

For a gay man you need to seriously calm down you should be the last person labeling a woman as a feminazi simply because she's not worshiping at the alter of men. And why is that hmm? Why is it that if a woman is not prostrating herself at the feet of a man, she's labelled as either a lesbian or feminazi?

We've established she wasn't snooping, but she did see something completely innocuous and then expected him to prostrate himself at her feet for forgiveness.
Nobody expects you to worship at the altar of men. On the other hand, you fully expect us to worship at the altar of women and then you spew the most misandric BS you can think of and expect us not to call you a feminazi.
Pot. Kettle. Black.

Please point me to the misandric BS posts of mine. I’d really like to see them.

 

[registerforfree]

Please point me to the misandric BS posts of mine. I’d really like to see them.

How about every time you said you will never trust men because of the actions of a few, yet when pointed out that women do the exact same thing you said "those aren't my problem". How about when you told us we're misogynists for disagreeing with the girl in the OP? Or when you accused us of defending men who rape, molest and cheat? Or when you turned the entire thing into a gender spat when it never was? Or how you accused me of expecting women to worship at the altar of men when I told you relationship partners should not be domineering or controlling? Or when you made sweeping generalization such as "men will always defend men".

Most of us would have said the exact same thing about the girl in OP even if she was a male. It's you and Foxhound who chose to make the entire issue about her gender.

 

[Nick333]

why would it matter?

Because, apparently when it comes to gender issues only female opinion matters as opposed to logic and critical thought.

 

[registerforfree]

Because, apparently when it comes to gender issues only female opinion matters as opposed to logic and critical thought.

This is what sticks sideways in my craw. Most people here were disagreeing with the girl's reaction because they thought she overreacted. Somehow it seems we're not allowed to do that. It seems that when a girl reacts a certain way, it's the law and everyone should fall in line.

Yes, RH made a mistake in saying he was going to put her in her place. That came across as sexist. How that translates into us being a cabal of woman-haters is another story altogether.

 

[bokdrol]

D3nz and Venomous (I think).

R u sure?

 

[Ancalagon]

She's now the sneaky controlling b-tch snooping on his phone.

I would really love to hear who called her a sneaky controlling b-tch who likes to snoop.

 

[registerforfree]

D3nz definitely participated. She stuck up for me and said Foxhound was mislabeling me as a misogynist.