Relationship problem

It sounds like u have become her caregiver. She sounds like a brat but I blame you for enabling her. You created the monster and its time to tame it!
 
Wezzy777 said:
She is very good at making me seem as if I am ungrateful but the more I look at the situation the more I realise that she is the ungrateful one she is just good at turning it on me
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Let us know how your talk goes... although judging from this it's looking like a foregone conclusion.
 
What do you think marriage is all about? You just took the plunge sooner than you anticipated. Being happy is about finding peace and joy in each moment, "good" and "bad". It is up to you to find the joy and passion in your relationship again. We cannot make it the responsibility of our partner. Like everyone else suggests - COMMUNICATION is critical to any relationship!
 
eehellfire said:
Waaaay too harsh... she's 21. That's barely an adult. She probably doesn't realise the effect of her actions (or inactions). Start off with an easy chat; not a 'do what I say or GTFO' chat
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My parents left the country about 4 months after I turned 21 ( my choice to stay). I had no choice but to look after myself & do everything. Fortunately I was working. She is not a baby. If she does not help you now, what makes you think she will help later? You have to sit her down and discuss everything with her. She will struggle with it in the beginnig when she realises that life has a few not so fun responsibilities that need seeing to.

If she does not then maybe she should move back home and then you 2 take it from there..
 
Wezzy777 said:
She is very good at making me seem as if I am ungrateful but the more I look at the situation the more I realise that she is the ungrateful one she is just good at turning it on me
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The truth is in any healthy relationship there has got to be give and take. On some level she is justifying her doing virtually nothing by thinking she is offering you something in return for what you do for her. I wonder what that is. Does she thinking you should be grateful for her company or the sex? I mean that's fine but if true what she saying is that your company and sex isn't all that up to scratch and you should make up for it by paying her way and doing house work.

You've actually bought into her reality by allowing this situation to develop.
 
Wezzy777 said:
She is very good at making me seem as if I am ungrateful but the more I look at the situation the more I realise that she is the ungrateful one she is just good at turning it on me
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Ai, not that we are having any problems right now but I am in the exact same situation, not that we live together but it is definitely not a 50/50 weight relationship, it feels as if I do 80 and she makes me feel like/believe I do 20.. In terms of relationship I'm also pretty much sole person providing finances, I'm pretty much always the one that has to go to her etc... But yea that's all calmed down now because I'm doing my Honours in accounting, time is limited and this is putting other pressures on..

Anyhow good luck with the convo, I've been there and it did sorta help even though it was more of a fight when it happened!
 
Thank you everyone for your input I will report back tomorrow and let you know how it went. I'v written down a few points that we need to discuss and give her an ultimatuim to shape up or ship out. Thank you once again I needed to hear it from someone else even though I knew its not what I wanted to hear.
 
Depending on how strongly you feel about her.

don't give het an ultimatum. discuss it with her. Give her a lil time (have your own background date, say 2 weeks)

If still no change then give her a date.

Take it from there.
 
She is taking advantage of you and sounds like a spoiled only child. It is just not right that she does not contribute. I understand that she can't contribute financially right now but the fact that she isn't pulling her weight with the chores and housework shows a lot about her character. She expects you to work to the point of being unhappy to keep her happy. Very selfish. She sounds like the type of girl who expects the man to do everything while she sits on her high horse. These girls do not change. I hope I am wrong.

You remind me of a friend of mine who was in the same situation as you, and then married the girl. He still does everything (paying, cooking, you name it) and is even more depressed about his life. He thought things would change but if someone is selfish by nature they will not change.
 
@Sen. This one is young still she can learn to have consideration. however of she does not learn in a month or so then I will doubt she wants to ...
 
There should not be much difference for 1 or 2 people, the car/housing you were already paying, food should be a bit more, electricity should be about the same, water a bit more, so why did the bills increase so much ?

It is unacceptable that she is not doing household chores, something you will have to address asap.
Really sounds to me that she is taking you for granted and expecting you to make her life as easy as possible.

Not having another option besides moving in, this sounds weird, why was this the only option.

And watch out, I expect her to dump you as soon as she get her degree and a well paying job.
 
So she moved away from her mom in CT to study in the town that you're in and live with you while she's completing her studies?
 
spiderz said:
Just stop washing the dishes and clothes. Especially her's. :p
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Haha, this will the be put under the heading of passive aggressive behaviour and used mercilessly against you in the future.

I can just hear this,
"We cannot go out I do not have clean clothes, all your fault that you never take me anywhere"

"Oh thanks for dishing up for me" takes your clean plate.
"No give it back its mine"
"You never want to do anything for me !"
 
I was in a similar situation. But it is possible to work through it. I'm now happily engaged and getting married in October. The only way to fix this is to talk to her. If she loves you, she will realise what she is doing is not making your life easy and that she needs to step up.

I was terrified that if I opened my trap that I would have lost her. Truth be told if I she had left because of it, then I dare say I would have been better off.

Trust me, you do not want to go down that road of depression. It is not lekke. Talk to her and see what she says. She'll understand (or at least will if she is sincere about her feelings towards you).
 
abzo said:
So she moved away from her mom in CT to study in the town that you're in and live with you while she's completing her studies?
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She transferred from CT to Centurion shes completing her studies here
 
biena said:
There should not be much difference for 1 or 2 people, the car/housing you were already paying, food should be a bit more, electricity should be about the same, water a bit more, so why did the bills increase so much ?

It is unacceptable that she is not doing household chores, something you will have to address asap.
Really sounds to me that she is taking you for granted and expecting you to make her life as easy as possible.

Not having another option besides moving in, this sounds weird, why was this the only option.

And watch out, I expect her to dump you as soon as she get her degree and a well paying job.
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It was the only option as she does not have family here and her studies are close to where I stay
 
Wezzy777 said:
She transferred from CT to Centurion shes completing her studies here
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so she transfered to live with you?

Could her mother not offer her an allowance even if it R2k to help cover her living expences?
 
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