Relationships

[murraybiscuit]

he has demonstrated that his priorities are:
A: his drinking
B: his friends
C: her
basically he's stringing her along in order to get what he wants out of the deal.
she can either carry on as the third wheel or she can give him an ultimatum.
his behaviour won't change until he's given enough incentive to do so.
and currently she's enabling it.

my father spent most of his life in bars with buddies.
i think the relationship would have been healthier if my mom had put some boundaries in place much earlier in the relationship.

 

[Pitbull]

That is good. was it hard. from my personal experience living with an alcoholic, my dad became verbally agressive and it was the worst feeling ever but he would try and make up for all that nastiness....

Nea, it was easy. I stopped drinking when I became a father 6 years back. I still do drink on occassion but only mildly and only if we go to friends and people I know. If I'm between stranger I don't drink a drop (Just in case). But it's easy to stop drinking, but I wasn't an alcoholic so I don't know how hard it is for them to stop drinking.


I know when my dad stopped he was really really really sick for a few weeks, but he got through it fine.

 

[Pitbull]

he has demonstrated that his priorities are:
A: his drinking
B: his friends
C: her
basically he's stringing her along in order to get what he wants out of the deal.
she can either carry on as the third wheel or she can give him an ultimatum.
his behaviour won't change until he's given enough incentive to do so.
and currently she's enabling it.

my father spent most of his life in bars with buddies.
i think the relationship would have been healthier if my mom had put some boundaries in place much earlier in the relationship.

The problem there is if he is an alcoholic and he is given a choice to choose one or the other she will lose. If she loves him the way Saffer says then she should try alternatives instead of putting her foot down. It doesn't sound like he beats her or anything. He prob just feels boxed in when he drinks lashes out at her from time to time. From what I gather from Saffer it doesn't sound like he is a complete dick when he's drunk.

 

[francoislr]

Fascinating convo...

Look Saffer, your friend is going to have to decide if she is fine with being 3rd on his priority list when he is drunk, especially if he is nearly always drunk. If she does not need to be first, it is fine, but if she feels neglected because of it the feeling will continue to grow and it will just become more and more. She might be able to deal with it, because people can adapt to anything...I just always think that people can survive, or they can live. She needs to decide what she wants of this guy, and if he can provide it, or move on. It will not get better, it will probably get worse. The only reason he has been honest with her at all about the whole thing is because he is always drunk. Drunk people are honest. Quite often what they think and feel comes out when they are drunk. So at least he is honest, but if he treats her like s4ite when he is drunk, that is because thats most likely how he feels about her.

 

[Kornhub]

whats her first name?