Stil feel for your ex

Dolby

Dolby

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I just want to see I'm not alone in this situation :

We broke up early December and I've found out that she's involved in some potentially fatal dealings.

Is it wrong for me to worry about her? I phone and SMS to make sure she's alright - but people indicate (on both mine and her side) it would be better for both to make a clean break and get on with our lives.

We were together for almost 3 years - living together for 18 months.
 
I think it's natural to still care. But yes, for your own sake, it might be better to have a clean break (although it's not easy).
 
I know it's hard but once that divide is crossed break off all contact rather, baggage like that makes any future contact questionable and she'll only view your actions as either spiteful jealousy or an attempt to win her back by dubious means
 
no its not wrong for you to worry about her but I'd go with the advice people are giving you. just make it a clean break.

remember you're not responsible for the choices she makes and even though it will hurt you seeing her make those potentially fatal choices you need to let go and let her make her own mistakes.

if she's lucky enough she'll survive and realize that she did something really stupid and go on from there... but if you keep meddling or showing you how much you worry about her she'll only go on to do that and even maybe start resenting you for trying to hold her back.
 
'Potential Fatal dealings' - what are you refering to here?
 
Depends. If you want to remain friends, then try, if she rejects that, then you should forget about the friendship.

But, don't go listen to what other people say, they don't know jack, including me.
 
Just break ties completely for this month.... you guys should be back together by mid Jan:p
 
Dolby dude the clock only moves in one direction, get over her already and leave her alone.

Don't get hung up on a chick man, move on.
 
AcidRaZor said:
remember you're not responsible for the choices she makes and even though it will hurt you seeing her make those potentially fatal choices you need to let go and let her make her own mistakes.
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I see what you're saying - but have you successfully managed to watch someone you care about going downhill - without intervening? Very difficult.

AcidRaZor said:
but if you keep meddling or showing you how much you worry about her she'll only go on to do that and even maybe start resenting you for trying to hold her back.
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True. At this point she says she is happy to have someone around that cares and says she wants me phoning. Through my meddling, she's actually attempted to get help and out of the situation. I contact her daily to see how she's coping - and that's where people tell me (and her) I'm stupid.

Boodles said:
'Potential Fatal dealings' - what are you refering to here?
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I can't really say - there are a few people on the forum that know me - and her. And I wouldn't want it to get back to the wrong people.

stoke said:
Depends. If you want to remain friends, then try, if she rejects that, then you should forget about the friendship.

But, don't go listen to what other people say, they don't know jack, including me.
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She (for now) won't reject me. As I say, she says she's happy I'm intervening at this point. I do realise this point could in future though.

JK8 said:
Just break ties completely for this month.... you guys should be back together by mid Jan:p
Click to expand...

I doubt it. Situation has gone too far.
 
Get at least 3 girl friends. Cos if 1 loses the plot, 2 others are still there.
 
dude.....the only way you are going to get over this woman is by reminding yourself constantly why you breakup, seriously the only thing that worked for me was starting to see the ex as the enemy...your going WTF am I saying..but to only way to get over "love" really is by turning it into a "hate" of sorts....the line between love and hate is in any case a very very thin line
 
What if it was a good friend in the same situation ... would you meddle to help him out? Or sit back and watch him make the mistake?

I'm confused :/

I need beer :/
 
I have been with my wife now close to 8 years.

I still think about my first love of my life who I have been with for 5 years prior to meeting my wife. If she was to get in contact with me someday in the near future appart from asking for money and not telling her current husband that their first kid is mine. I have no idea how I will handle it to be honest.

But currently I will not trade my wife for anything in the world.

My ex still phones from time to time just to ask for money and uses the kid as an excuse, she however refuses to tell the husband I'm the father. I refuse to give her a cent till she comes clean with the kids and the husband.

I'm a stubrn bastard and my wife knows about this little girl I have from my ex. I just don;t know how I will handle it the day she does come clean...
 
Pitbull said:
I have been with my wife now close to 8 years.

I still think about my first love of my life who I have been with for 5 years prior to meeting my wife. If she was to get in contact with me someday in the near future appart from asking for money and not telling her current husband that their first kid is mine. I have no idea how I will handle it to be honest.

But currently I will not trade my wife for anything in the world.

My ex still phones from time to time just to ask for money and uses the kid as an excuse, she however refuses to tell the husband I'm the father. I refuse to give her a cent till she comes clean with the kids and the husband.

I'm a stubrn bastard and my wife knows about this little girl I have from my ex. I just don;t know how I will handle it the day she does come clean...
Click to expand...

Ouch.

That's a ticking time bomb ... how old the child? My guess would be about 8 as well?
 
Whats an ex>????

There is a reason they are ex's!
 
Let me be more blunt :

You ex dies. Do you care at all?
 
Dolby said:
What if it was a good friend in the same situation ... would you meddle to help him out? Or sit back and watch him make the mistake?

I'm confused :/

I need beer :/
Click to expand...

Yes, even if its a good friend (best friend ever) I would stand away and let them make their own mistakes. This doesn't mean that if the phone me to come over or just to talk I won't be there for them, but i won't make contact and ask if they're okay or if they stopped doing xy and z.

My one best friend has a binge drinking problem. In October was taken to hospital for alchohol poisoning, decided to straighten out etc. I said "good" and left it at that. He started drinking heavily again. I won't say a word at all. It's his choice. He knows how I feel about it so if he wants to go ahead and do it.

There is really nothing anybody can tell anyone else to do or say or think like if they don't want to.

Stop contacting her, let her phone you. She may say that she wants you to phone but trust me, these womenly creatures are strange things. Just keep it casual. Be nice/friendly/supporting when she needs you, but leave her alone to make her own mistakes. don't try and give advice either or tell her what to do if she doesn't ask for it explicitly. Also make it sound like an opinion rather than something she has to do (like stop whatever she's doing etc)

But let her come to you. Not the other way around. She's probably still fragile from the breakup in the beginning of the month anyway. So if you stop contacting her and showing how much you worry about her she'll make the effort to keep things going if she really meant it. Do it on a 3 to 1 ratio. For every 3 smses or phone calls she makes to you, call/sms her back once.

Sometimes the best bet for her to stop whatever she's doing is make it clear that you don't agree with it for the potentially fatal consequences and that you think it would rather be a good thing not to be in her life anymore because of her choice.

This may get you 2 different reactions, one of rebellion aka "**** you then **** off and dont bother calling me I'll continue whatever I'm doing" or shock and realization that she not only lost a great boyfriend but will lose a great friend too if she doesn't stop this ****.

Tell her she's not just hurting herself by her actions, but if it goes to the extreme, her friends and family too.

Pitbull said:
I have been with my wife now close to 8 years.

I still think about my first love of my life who I have been with for 5 years prior to meeting my wife. If she was to get in contact with me someday in the near future appart from asking for money and not telling her current husband that their first kid is mine. I have no idea how I will handle it to be honest.

But currently I will not trade my wife for anything in the world.

My ex still phones from time to time just to ask for money and uses the kid as an excuse, she however refuses to tell the husband I'm the father. I refuse to give her a cent till she comes clean with the kids and the husband.

I'm a stubrn bastard and my wife knows about this little girl I have from my ex. I just don;t know how I will handle it the day she does come clean...
Click to expand...

Can I have that daughter then? :D
 
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