Stubborn parent.....

[APoc184]

How does one convince a very stubborn parent to go to a doctor?

Last year my dad had a operation on his shoulder and while in surgery his blood pressure went through the roof. Fortunately he got through it okay.
Both the doctor and the anaesthetist told him afterwards that he should go see another doctor about his blood pressure. As stubborn as he is, he never went and said he was fine.

So yesterday he tried to go to the blood bank to donate blood. Something he has been doing for 35 years and they refused to let him donate blood because of his high blood pressure. My mother tried talking him into going to a doctor but that just went in the one ear and out the other. He always has this whistling sound in his ears and we always thought it is because of his line of work but are now wondering if it is not because of the blood pressure.

We are really worried about him. Mainly because there is a history of strokes in his family. His mother, father and grandfather died of strokes.

He keeps saying he is fine and refuses to go see a doctor. And it is not if money is a problem. He has a very very good medical aid that will cover absolutely everything.

So how do we as his children and his wife convince him it is in his best interest to go see a doctor soon before it becomes life threatening.
We all love him very much and do not want to lose him so early in life because of negligence. He is only 55 now.

 

[wrathex]

He's probably genuinely frightened of getting bad news and perhaps he reasons that it will be worse if he knows, because then his stress about it will increase, making it worse.

My mom also suffered from high blood pressure and was very frightened of having a stroke.

She did have a stroke and is now permanently paralized on her left side, though she can still say a few non sensical words and sit in a wheelchair.

Your dad should always have disprins(asprin) on him or in the house.

My mom takes 1/2 disprin daily to thin her blood and to help prevent further clots.

Make a double appointment, go with him, as you are genetically sensitive to the same pattern ?

 

[APoc184]

He is always nagging us to go to the doctor. If my mom gets a headache or flu he is quick to want to rush her to the doctor. But if it is him he always says it will pass or it will be better tomorrow.

 

[Dolby]

My dad has a growth in his bladder for about 2 years before going to the doctor - only then because he needed to go as the growth was huge and disrupting things.

It turned out it was cancerous and he passed away 6 months later.

I'm pretty sure he did know but was too scared of bad news as well - but the thing is had he gone when he first realised, he possibly could have been treated.

 

[APoc184]

My dad has a growth in his bladder for about 2 years before going to the doctor - only then because he needed to go as the growth was huge and disrupting things.

It turned out it was cancerous and he passed away 6 months later.

I'm pretty sure he did know but was too scared of bad news as well - but the thing is had he gone when he first realised, he possibly could have been treated.

And this is exactly what we do not want to happen. This is such a frustrating time for my mother. And he is usually one that tackles problems head on.

 

[LazyLion]

Blackmail him. Tell him that all of your guys are canceling your medical aids and never going to the doctor again because of the example he has set for you.

Unless he goes to the doctor this month, next month all of you will cancel your medical aids.

 

[koeks]

Blackmail him. Tell him that all of your guys are canceling your medical aids and never going to the doctor again because of the example he has set for you.

Unless he goes to the doctor this month, next month all of you will cancel your medical aids.

i think that can work... it's a sad situation mad. you know fathers are expected to always not be scared of anything... it's hard being a man, can tell you. my father also doesn't like admitting when he i sin pain... even if you can see he is in pain...

 

[LazyLion]

i think that can work... it's a sad situation mad. you know fathers are expected to always not be scared of anything... it's hard being a man, can tell you. my father also doesn't like admitting when he i sin pain... even if you can see he is in pain...

Ja, I know... but that macho attitude is just plain silly. The doctors are there to help you... and treating high blood pressure is relatively simple. Nobody is impressed by his attitude. If it is genuinely one of fear, then he needs to understand how this is hurting his family.

that would be your other option. Sit him down and explain how his behaviour is hurting the family and causing them worry and pain. He is not alone in this. No man is an island. He needs to take care of himself and in so doing take care of his family.

 

[CrzWaco]

Well maybe looking at the food he is eating and changing it so that he eats foods to lower his blood pressure to help him not go to the doctor or lowering the risk he is at now.

 

[APoc184]

Ja, I know... but that macho attitude is just plain silly. The doctors are there to help you... and treating high blood pressure is relatively simple. Nobody is impressed by his attitude. If it is genuinely one of fear, then he needs to understand how this is hurting his family.

that would be your other option. Sit him down and explain how his behaviour is hurting the family and causing them worry and pain. He is not alone in this. No man is an island. He needs to take care of himself and in so doing take care of his family.

Very nicely said.

So we decided that if he does not go to the doctor before Monday. The children(3) will all take the drive to their hometown and sit down and talk to him.
We will discuss why it is bothering us and why it should be bothering him.
We will tell him how this is hurting his wife.
We will tell him that unlike us, his grandchildren will grow up knowing their grandparents. And that he should stop being so selfish. (we never knew our grandparents because they both died of strokes before we were born).

He is a reasonable man and I'm sure we will get through to him eventually.
My mother was in tears last night because he refused to go to the doctor. He told her that if he starts feeling bad he will go. Problem is high blood pressure does not really have a massive effect on how you are feeling unlike low blood pressure. And if you do start feeling bad it is usually to late and the damage is done.

 

[Jewelbox]

Explain to him what a stroke means, maybe he will then decide to go to a doctor.

 

[blue-eye-boy]

Why does this sound so familiar. My dad had a heart attack 2 years ago. He is still smoking a pack a day, and just say he cant give up, but want to. Thats it, not even trying. And his blood pressure is not good. Ai, parents of today.

 

[APoc184]

He eventually went to the doctor today after a lot of phone calls from the children.
But I think it was the e-mail that hit the right spot.

I emailed him a link to this thread and also links to 5 sites that explains high blood pressure and all the nasty stuff it does to your body.
I also searched the internet for personal stories of people who ignored the signs and now have to be nursed 24 hours or died.

And last of all I told him that we as a family really love him and that we are not willing to lose him because of his pride and stubborn mind.

Doctor is very unhappy that it took him so long to come for a check-up and immediately ordered further tests and put him on a 2 week course of medication. After 2 weeks he is to go back for the test results and check-up.
His measured blood pressure when visiting the doctor was 210/120.

 

[lws]

Glad to hear you finally managed to convince your father.

I'm having the worst struggle convincing my father that he needs to eat breakfast because he's on the verge of diabetes but noooo! Heaven forbid he get told he that he should eat his breakfast!

Blood pressure can be a very weird thing - my mother had a few fainting spells a few years ago. It's triggered by very high blood pressure but when a paramedic nearby took her blood pressure about five minutes later, he struggled to find a heart beat, never mind her blood pressure reading.