Suicidal friend

[HavocXphere]

Thanks for all the responses

To be clear he's got professional help, meds etc family knows and all that good stuff. (all after 1st incident)

I just realised that when he's in a dark place I'm the one he reaches out to. So not trying to be a substitute for professional help pe se...just being forced into the spotlight here so to speak & very conscious of the potential for my actions to tip this scale either way.

Please give more detail on "having a rough time".

Bad sht going down on all fronts of life at the same time. So just rotten coincidence in a way.

The problem is that they will tell you everything is okay and when you turn around it is too late.

That's what rattled me. I knew he was down but didn't see a suicide attempt coming.

Tell him there is always hope, if he believes in it, no matter the darkness ahead.

That's the tricky bit...he's not exactly in a bad place - made it far in life etc. Nor does this seem to be a classic chemical imbalance in the brain type depression scenario so not quite sure what to say.

Anyway...sorry...I realise you guys don't have the answers either but thanks for listening.

 

[Dave]

I defer. I do not have any experience in such.

For my sins, it's something I had training in. It's not something I enjoyed doing though.

 

[Splinter]

That's the tricky bit...he's not exactly in a bad place - made it far in life etc. Nor does this seem to be a classic chemical imbalance in the brain type depression scenario so not quite sure what to say.

I think this may be the hardest thing - many times I have read about a a suicide in a family they say they didn't see it coming. The question then is, why does this individual reach out to you? This puts you in a very difficult space.

 

[Dave]

That's the tricky bit...he's not exactly in a bad place - made it far in life etc. Nor does this seem to be a classic chemical imbalance in the brain type depression scenario so not quite sure what to say.

Anyway...sorry...I realise you guys don't have the answers either but thanks for listening.

Just FYI, but genuine clinical depression can hit anyone, and for some people they can put on a brave face, laughing and joking whilst totally depressed inside, even their family might not know.

The proverbial "we never knew he had a problem" after jumping in front of a train.

The best thing to do is encourage him to get help.

 

[sucked]

Thanks for all the responses

To be clear he's got professional help, meds etc family knows and all that good stuff. (all after 1st incident)

I just realised that when he's in a dark place I'm the one he reaches out to. So not trying to be a substitute for professional help pe se...just being forced into the spotlight here so to speak & very conscious of the potential for my actions to tip this scale either way.

This is massive. You friend is getting the help he needs, plus you must be something of a friend..
I'd say keep on giving a listening ear and feed him positive scenarios and ideas all the time. Life is never over until the control has been taken from you and you have no say.
Your a good fukkin friend man, I'll give you that

 

[Arthur]

By the way, suicides are generally driven by unsolved anger, not depression. Depressives are, generally speaking, a low risk for suicide.

As you know, it's best to leave the diagnosis to professionals. And the therapy.

As a friend, always be there and available, and always tell the truth. Don't bull**** or pander or agree to nonsense out of a misplaced sense of not wanting to hurt.

 

[sucked]

My ex tried to commit suicide twice but she never really wanted to go through with it. Once she tried to throw herself in front of a train but informed me where she was so I was able to stop her. Another time she drank a crap load of pills and phoned me from some strangers' house saying she can't drive. Ended up taking her to hospital to pump out the stuff.

OP's friend seem to be in a much more serious situation..
If depression kicked in (as mentioned by Dave), they'll need to make a proper diagnoses and get the correct meds + dosage, else it's going to end up being a clusterfukk

 

[Splinter]

By the way, suicides are generally driven by unsolved anger, not depression. Depressives are, generally speaking, a low risk for suicide.

As you know, it's best to leave the diagnosis to professionals. And the therapy.

As a friend, always be there and available, and always tell the truth. Don't bull**** or pander or agree to nonsense out of a misplaced sense of not wanting to hurt.

Generally speaking....I have to leave this thread

 

[Dave]

By the way, suicides are generally driven by unsolved anger, not depression. Depressives are, generally speaking, a low risk for suicide.

I'm not sure where that idea came from, (unless it's a fairly new opinion) but when I did training on this a lot of suicides came from those with clinical depression, either alone or in conjunction with another mental illness like serious anxiety disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Of those, only bipolar sufferers would commit suicide through anger, but the anger was often rooted within the clinical depression. These were the usual spur of the moment suicide type.

There is another type who does so out of a feeling of helplessness caused by terminal or serious illness, again not usually with an anger motivation, more of a feeling of helplessness and fear for the future with the disease (eg cancer, MS, Parkinson's).

Maybe your experience and training is more recent and therefore more relevant than mine and the opinions have changed...

 

[HavocXphere]

As a friend, always be there and available, and always tell the truth. Don't bull**** or pander or agree to nonsense out of a misplaced sense of not wanting to hurt.

It's a bit more tricky - I'm a bit of a blend of friend / mentor / superior.

This is massive. You friend is getting the help he needs, plus you must be something of a friend..
I'd say keep on giving a listening ear and feed him positive scenarios and ideas all the time. Life is never over until the control has been taken from you and you have no say.
Your a good fukkin friend man, I'll give you that

Yup. Trying. He bailed on me twice today...but well special circumstance so I have endless patience. Good point on the positive scenarios. I like that.

If depression kicked in (as mentioned by Dave), they'll need to make a proper diagnoses and get the correct meds + dosage, else it's going to end up being a clusterfukk

Well as I said this doesn't strike me as classic long term depr. or if so it was previously well concealed. Has more of a fragile house of cards comes crashing down vibe. Which is why frankly I was a little surprised to hear about him being put on depr meds, but again not my place to question the judgement of professionals.

 

[Splinter]

I'm not sure where that idea came from, (unless it's a fairly new opinion) but when I did training on this a lot of suicides came from those with clinical depression, either alone or in conjunction with another mental illness like serious anxiety disorder, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Of those, only bipolar sufferers would commit suicide through anger, but the anger was often rooted within the clinical depression. These were the usual spur of the moment suicide type.

There is another type who does so out of a feeling of helplessness caused by terminal or serious illness, again not usually with an anger motivation, more of a feeling of helplessness and fear for the future with the disease (eg cancer, MS, Parkinson's).

Maybe your experience and training is more recent and therefore more relevant than mine and the opinions have changed...

This.

 

[EMAM]

@OP. .....this is coming from someone (me) who has threatened suicide plenty times in the past....couldn't go through with it so rather slashed my arms with a knife.

Two months ago, even under psychiatric help, meds and a wonderful group of friends, I finally attempted the "deed". I overdosed over 2 days. I felt so rotten by the evening of the 2nd day and eventually called a friend. I landed up in ICU for a week and 2 weeks at a psych clinic.

I really don't know how to give you the advice for this friend because, I know, when I was in that state, I bull shyted everyone around me. I told them I was sick so I was spending the weekend in bed. If they whatsapped me, I would reply in my "happy" mode - so nobody had an inkling of what I was doing. I live with my ex and 2 teenaged kids, and even they had no idea.

When you're in that kind of a space, no amount of talking or advice is going to work. Maybe, if you know their psych or someone in the family, they can get them to a clinic. There weeks away from society, with intensive therapy everyday, did wonders for me.

Do I still think about suicide on my down days? Oh, you betcha.........

It's not always depression, bipolar, etc. I have been diagnosed with BPD. ....read up on it.....it ain't easy.

Good luck and thank you for being there for him.

 

[RedViking]

@OP. .....this is coming from someone (me) who has threatened suicide plenty times in the past....couldn't go through with it so rather slashed my arms with a knife.

Two months ago, even under psychiatric help, meds and a wonderful group of friends, I finally attempted the "deed". I overdosed over 2 days. I felt so rotten by the evening of the 2nd day and eventually called a friend. I landed up in ICU for a week and 2 weeks at a psych clinic.

I really don't know how to give you the advice for this friend because, I know, when I was in that state, I bull shyted everyone around me. I told them I was sick so I was spending the weekend in bed. If they whatsapped me, I would reply in my "happy" mode - so nobody had an inkling of what I was doing. I live with my ex and 2 teenaged kids, and even they had no idea.

When you're in that kind of a space, no amount of talking or advice is going to work. Maybe, if you know their psych or someone in the family, they can get them to a clinic. There weeks away from society, with intensive therapy everyday, did wonders for me.

Do I still think about suicide on my down days? Oh, you betcha.........

It's not always depression, bipolar, etc. I have been diagnosed with BPD. ....read up on it.....it ain't easy.

Good luck and thank you for being there for him.

Hectic. Don't know what to say, but glad to hear you are okay.

Probably a bit personal, but
Does it help to have a friend(s) who can check up on you very regularly or do you push them away? How do you cope with it or what measures did you put it place?

As mentioned before I have a friend thats hectic bipolar, so if I don't hear from him, or if he says all is well but avoid me I go see him immediately. Now he will just tell me directly he is sick and struggline with thoughts. Such a difficult thing to deal with, for the one struggling with it and the people around you.

Does anyone have experience with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline?

 

[Polymathic]

Magic mushrooms or DMT

 

[EMAM]

Hectic. Don't know what to say, but glad to hear you are okay.

Probably a bit personal, but
Does it help to have a friend(s) who can check up on you very regularly or do you push them away? How do you cope with it or what measures did you put it place?

As mentioned before I have a friend thats hectic bipolar, so if I don't hear from him, or if he says all is well but avoid me I go see him immediately. Now he will just tell me directly he is sick and struggline with thoughts. Such a difficult thing to deal with, for the one struggling with it and the people around you.

Does anyone have experience with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline?

I've learnt to be an open book so don't worry about asking personal questions.
I have loads of friends but only ONE I will tell the honest truth to as she has so much shyte going on in her life always, and also walks around with a smile too - but we understand each other. The others I tend to push away with my "happy" messages. Most of them check on me regularly and I will just answer "I'm good, just taking things day by day". If you haven't been in this deep deep dark hole, it is hard to understand.

It's a biyatch to live with.......

 

[EMAM]

Magic mushrooms or DMT

I'm waiting on some

 

[HavocXphere]

.

Thanks for sharing. Useful to see the flip side of this

Does anyone have experience with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline?

Not directly. Both my parents used to volunteer....took quite an emotional toll on them from what I can tell

 

[RedViking]

.......

Thanks for sharing. I can't imagine how terrible it must be. My wife has ME/CFS, it is very difficult to explain to people that she is always sick. I've tried to explain to a couple of people but they still don't really come visit and doesn't really contact her. Doesn't seem like a sickness people understand, not even the doctors understand it.

 

[maumau]

Thought mushrooms don't have any effect if you're on SSRIs, which most depressed people are.

 

[bromster]

By the way, suicides are generally driven by unsolved anger, not depression. Depressives are, generally speaking, a low risk for suicide.

As you know, it's best to leave the diagnosis to professionals. And the therapy.

As a friend, always be there and available, and always tell the truth. Don't bull**** or pander or agree to nonsense out of a misplaced sense of not wanting to hurt.

This.

Telling people what you think they want to hear is counter-productive. This is often a contributing factor in why they are suicidal.

Dodging the elephant in the room doesn't help. If someone reaches out to you instead of dozens of other friends or family, maybe it's because they just want to open up and speak honestly.