Suicidal friend

H

HavocXphere

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Hey all

Dealing with a friend that is having a rough time & has already tried to take his life once.

Would appreciate any insight into how best to handle this / be supportive. Especially in light of me not being super extroverted / social / people person

Obviously not a psychologist etc so I'm reluctant to provide advice per se...so more in the "be there for him" sense.

Also if mods could keep this thread on track with some nudges as needed that would be appreciated.

Also: not a Friday thread gents in case that’s not obv despite timing
 
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Probably all you have to do is just sit there and listen. Even if you sit in silence it can be ok.
 
HavocXphere said:
Hey all

Dealing with a friend that is having a rough time & has already tried to take his life once.

Would appreciate any insight into how best to handle this / be supportive. Especially in light of me not being super extroverted / social / people person

Obviously not a psychologist etc so I'm reluctant to provide advice per se...so more in the "be there for him" sense.

Also if mods could keep this thread on track with some nudges as needed that would be appreciated.
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Please give more detail on "having a rough time".

Also, how did he try before to kill himself and what made it fail?
 
Yeah that's a tough one. I had a friend who was depressed, and who I was trying to encourage and cheer up ... and they tried to take their life anyway, just a day after if I'd asked them if they were doing ok and they'd said they were.

Sometimes people just don't want help, and you have to be right in their personal space to reach through the wall they build up.
 
Maybe help the friend to see a psychologist? Is your friend very depressed, bipolar? There are medication for some things that can turn your life around.

I have a friend that gets very depressed, she is on medication and it makes an amazing difference. I have another friend that is bipolar, ended up in hospital, finally got help and meds. He is now married with a family.

The problem is that they will tell you everything is okay and when you turn around it is too late.
 
HavocXphere said:
Hey all

Dealing with a friend that is having a rough time & has already tried to take his life once.

Would appreciate any insight into how best to handle this / be supportive. Especially in light of me not being super extroverted / social / people person

Obviously not a psychologist etc so I'm reluctant to provide advice per se...so more in the "be there for him" sense.

Also if mods could keep this thread on track with some nudges as needed that would be appreciated.

Also: not a Friday thread gents in case that’s not obv despite timing
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Ok. You will not be able to handle this yourself.

Find out if your friend has family. Let them know.
 
There is always hope.

Tell your friend that everyone has their up and down days, from sleeping in your friend's dormitory, to not having food to eat and having to walk to the other side of town for a meal once a week at the hare Krishna temple (Steve Jobs actually).

To having to support your family through tough times and giving your food money to your brother so that he doesn't have to sleep in a workshop every day and night, that he could have a good life. While you live of one slice of toast a day and have to freeze your bread that it lasts the whole month, and when your family checks how you are, you are positive and say youre all fine, but youre not. And having to assist your brother with the savings you had saved for your studies, while you know you wont be able to go to university, just because you want the best for him. (me).

A lot of us go through depression, bad relationships, dysfunctional families, being stabbed in the back by those you trust. Tell him that, and tell him that at the end of the day they just end up as memories, because if he or she gives up now, they wont be able to find the happiness that they deserve. Also if theyre overweight, tell them that the greatest thing is loosing that weight, and how the people will all see you differently. And if he is depressed about not having a girlfriend. Tell him to go visit Thailand, Vietnam, Bali where there are tons of girls who wants a decent guy.

Tell him there is always hope, if he believes in it, no matter the darkness ahead.
 
Splinter said:
I don't think this is helpful.
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What did I tell you about thinking?

There's a specific reason for this info. Not all people trying to kill themselves want to die ;)
 
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sucked said:
What did I tell you about thinking?

There's a specific reason for this info. Not all people trying to kill themselves want to die ;)
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I dunno - what did you tell me?

And yes, that is so - but your interest was not fueled by such. If so, you would have stated this in the beginning.
 
HavocXphere said:
Hey all

Dealing with a friend that is having a rough time & has already tried to take his life once.

Would appreciate any insight into how best to handle this / be supportive. Especially in light of me not being super extroverted / social / people person

Obviously not a psychologist etc so I'm reluctant to provide advice per se...so more in the "be there for him" sense.

Also if mods could keep this thread on track with some nudges as needed that would be appreciated.

Also: not a Friday thread gents in case that’s not obv despite timing
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear.

To be honest, nothing you say will make a change. When you're in that state of mind you're past point of caring, what anyone thinks or say.
Your friend really need to see someone professional, you should help to get them the care they require. It's not always a matter of not wanting your help, they just cannot care.
I've had similar case with a friend whom said he's fine, yet still took his life.
 
[MENTION=41994]HavocXphere[/MENTION]

This is not something to try and sort yourself, doing (or not doing) the right/wrong thing could tip a person who's on the edge. You need to speak to someone with training, even if it's just Samaritans. Does the person have a crisis team?



[MENTION=163012]Splinter[/MENTION]

Can it, you think you're in the right but you're derailing the thread.

I think I know why [MENTION=505618]sucked[/MENTION] is asking that, it does have a point. Not all suicide attempts are attempts to kill yourself, some are simply a cry for help so those details are actually relevant.
 
Dave said:
[MENTION=41994]HavocXphere[/MENTION]

This is not something to try and sort yourself, doing (or not doing) the right/wrong thing could tip a person who's on the edge. You need to speak to someone with training, even if it's just Samaritans. Does the person have a crisis team?
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Ok, I think we saying the same thing. You cannot help a friend even with the best of intentions. Just listen? Speak to them? Tell them they are wrong? Professional help is what is needed here.
 
Splinter said:
Agreed. As I said, apologies.
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I added a bit to explain why I said that, there's a difference in types of attempts, some are real, others are simply to subconsciously call for help.

Both still need to be handled by a trained person though, a friend trying to help and f**king up can turn a "cry for help" person into a real suicide.
 
Dave said:
I added a bit to explain why I said that, there's a difference in types of attempts, some are real, others are simply to subconsciously call for help.

Both still need to be handled by a trained person though, a friend trying to help and f**king up can turn a "cry for help" person into a real suicide.
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I hear you, and I agree. Some are indeed a cry for help. But, like you say, it needs an experienced/qualified person to do this. I think havoc is doing the right thing, as in a cry for help. Knowing that that he/she is not capable of doing such.
 
Splinter said:
Ok, I think we saying the same thing. You cannot help a friend even with the best of intentions. Just listen? Speak to them? Tell them they are wrong? Professional help is what is needed here.
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Never tell them they were/are wrong, that's the quickest way to turn them against you or often make a suicidal person worse. The answer to right or wrong is that you understand that was the only option they saw open to themself but there are always other options.
 
Dave said:
Never tell them they were/are wrong, that's the quickest way to turn them against you or often make a suicidal person worse. The answer to right or wrong is that you understand that was the only option they saw open to themself but there are always other options.
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I defer. I do not have any experience in such.
 
Splinter said:
I hear you, and I agree. Some are indeed a cry for help. But, like you say, it needs an experienced/qualified person to do this. I think havoc is doing the right thing, as in a cry for help. Knowing that that he/she is not capable of doing such.
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Cry for help is usually something like a single slashed wrist/lots of superficial cuts or a smallish amount of tablets, it's possible for a genuine suicidal case to fail though, eg a hanging attempt, so without knowing more details it's hard to even guess what type of person it is.

But yes, the next step should be speaking to someone, [MENTION=41994]HavocXphere[/MENTION] shouldn't try himself, unless he's had some training.
 
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