The Wedding

yeah, i think you should go, and you should wear WHITE - the ultimate slap in the face for any bride. i reckon she's a parasite. with so much time to prepare, she could have included SAVING TOWARDS HER OWN WEDDING in these preparations. but i also think she's not the only one to blame for her attitude - either her mom or dad taught her these values, you know?!
 
the wedding story combined with the bux request/demand yadda yadda yadda - sumting missing here - all the facts on the table.... doubt it
 
Yep, as i said earlier - her folks taught her about not paying.
 
not sooo much that Boodles, reckon there is a bit more to it than that. <imVho>
 
I agree that it is the way she was brought up that made her assume that her dad would just pay.

She should've asked him beforehand whether he could contribute and what he can afford...but it stems from the above point.
 
It depends on how she was brought up - if it was with the belief instilled in her by her parents that they would pony up for her wedding (as many little girls are) then what she did was understandable.
blunomore said:
I am not attending the wedding, Alf, so I need not even fake it.
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You need to suck it up, go, and understand that she is always going to be your b/f little girl. :o
 
blunomore said:
My bf's daughter asked him to help her pay for her wedding,
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Wow!! I always thought you were quite young (20 something). Now I find that you're dating a guy who is already of an advanced age which means that you are of an advanced age too.

Unless you are dating a guy that could have been your father. :eek:
 
blunomore said:
If she gave a hoot for her dad's happiness and tried to be a part of her dad's new life with me, I may have helped her by convincing her dad to pay, but sadly she made an enemy out of me ...
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I think it's ridiculous that she magically expects her dad to fork out R40K just like that without even including him (or you, since your life and his are sort of one) in the arrangements. She should've been taught a long time ago that the world doesn't revolve around what she wants.

If I were her dad, I'd probably say, "No" outright and let her deal with having to apologise to the caterers, event planners, etc. If she's old enough to get married, she should be mature enough to take other people into consideration. One would think that worst case scenario, she'd have the "legal wedding" now and save up to have the ceremony when she and her fiancé can afford it.

I just find it absolutely daft that - from my understanding - she said, "yes" to the caterers and event planners, etc when she doesn't even have the money to pay them!

I say for a girl that thinks she's mature enough to get married, it's way overdue that she learns to think before acting.
 
Boodles said:
Ya, agree with alf101.

Parents aughta expected that kinda thing... but

He raised her, he brought her up to give minimal notice - its his fault, not hers.
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This reflects EXACTLY the problem with the way people drag up children these days - no accountability! She is the spoilt little cow that presented Daddy with the 40 grand bill. Granted Daddy played a large roll in the spoiling, but it is she who booked the venue and catering, she is responsible. Untill the blame is put on her shoulders she will continue to be a spoilt little madam and the poor sod of a father will have to fork out for the devorce as well.

Make the responsibility hers and don't pay, blame not only the father, blame the way that schools and society give poor values and discipline theese days - what sort of an adult will this type of girl develop into?
 
All boils down to how much he loves her ...... if she's a brat who hardly ever involves dad in her life or not ... dad will probably still love her enough to pay if he can. Just my 2c.
 
Lycanthrope said:
I think it's ridiculous that she magically expects her dad to fork out R40K just like that without even including him (or you, since your life and his are sort of one) in the arrangements. She should've been taught a long time ago that the world doesn't revolve around what she wants.
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Hehe, I'm familiar with the situation bnm. In our family it was reasoned all round that if father is contributing to wedding, then it is father's function too, and father therefore has right to invite partner of his choice + few other significants (ie maybe an old business partner of father, etc).

Further, the amount/percentage of wedding that father paid was balanced with the financial situation of all involved (in-laws-to-be; bride and groom). In my family's case father paid about 10% of wedding cost (given that bride and groom were older - near 30s - and very financially stable + own 2x properties).

Wedding family drama continued long after actual wedding - be warned.

[ps: in my family situation; stepmother was supportive and encouraging if not demanding that father figure contribute financially to wedding].
 
BTW - r40k . . . daddy got off lightly.
 
I think the issue lies possibly more between [I was not direct enuff] bnm and daddy's little girl - the power struggle. The 40K [imo very cheap for a wedding] based on what I have read from previous posts, is a rather insignificant amount for her father.... not? If you use the wedding 'saga' as your preferred 'battleground' and you go up against the daughter, you should/will come off second best [if the father has any balls] and the ramifications of that could play out far beyond the wedding day. Pick your battles better.

Just as a matter of interest what is your age and the daughter's age? If that is too personal, what is the age difference?
 
blunomore said:
My bf's daughter asked him to help her pay for her wedding, which is in June this year. She has announced the engagement a few months ago already.

This is not an unreasonable request, but ...

1. She has known for aeons that she was gonna get married and I think she should have asked him a long time ago. Two months is not adequate notice.

2. She never checked with him what he can afford and she simply made arrangements, bookings, etc and now she hits him with the bill.

3. She asked him to pay for the venue, including catering. The bill is R40 000 and he has to pay this ASAP.

I am not gonna tell you lovely people what I think of her, because there are no words to describe my current emotions.

However, to cool off my anger, why don't you guys who are married, regale me with tales of your weddings?! ;)
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Two things I pick up from this.

Firstly, you stated that "she has known for aeons that she was gonna get married", my assumption would be that dad too should have known that she was going to get married.

Secondly, I feel a little caution should often be taken on these public forums. Who says the daughter does not frequent this forum? And if she did it would not take long for her to work out that this thread is about her. Not a good thing for family relations i would think.



And finally, but on a slightly different note. I too have a dad who now has his third GF since divorcing my mom. You state that your BGs daughter should have tried harder to be part of her dad's new life with you, and your situation may be totally different to the one I find myself in, but I find my dad's new GFs just try way tooooo hard to be nice to us boys! But at the end of the day one cannot get away from the feeling that all they are really concerned about is dad's money! She gets bought another brand new car, the second one in a two years now, but when bro who is battling asks for help with a car as he is battling he gets told to bugger off! (Now I too need to be careful that the family does not read this forum as I am making your mistake! :)). Perhaps this is his daughter's view too... sorry a lot of speculation and a lot of my personal experiences being related to yours but just my thoughts... Don't take offence.

EDIT : In hindsight this last point make not be too much of a change of subject, as after reading "air's" post above mine, he is probably quite right and the idea is similar to mine.
 
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Captain Slog said:
Make the responsibility hers and don't pay, blame not only the father, blame the way that schools and society give poor values and discipline theese days - what sort of an adult will this type of girl develop into?
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Cr_p! It is all the family's fault. I am at marrying age, well actually a little beyond it, and I would not expect my parents to fork out for my wedding. If they offered help then yes i would accept it but I would plan a wedding within my means. Society and school did not create the same expectation in me so how can you blame that!

Also, if she is getting married she is in all likelihood an adult already!
 
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