What changes?

Mila

Mila

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I get encouraged to get married, a lot. This comes mostly from older people.


But.. There is the other half of the argument that usually comes from younger people.

Don't get married it changes everything!


This intrigues me. Because nobody can tell me what this is thing is that changes, but they make it clear it changes.

Neither me or the SO has been married before so this "change" has not happened to either of us.


So the question is:

What changes?
 
Maybe it is the ability you lose to go your separate ways when things don’t work out.
 
Being unmarried leaves your options nicely open and uncomplicated. The worst that can happen is the SO hates you or whatever but you can walk, though people routinely walkout of marriages.
 
You change. Or rather someone tries to change you. :D
 
There's a much bigger sense of commitment
Not so easy just to walk out. More complicated.
Tax and other financial implications.
 
Swa said:
You change. Or rather someone tries to change you. :D
Click to expand...

Living together for 7 year, what will I now randomly start doing. I find it very strange.
I will walk out of a bad marriage just as quickly as a bad relationship.
It's the strangest thing, I have friends that told me they should just have stayed living together they were happy.
Maybe they think something will change and then it doesn't?

It's a strange thing.
 
Mila said:
Living together for 7 year, what will I now randomly start doing. I find it very strange.
I will walk out of a bad marriage just as quickly as a bad relationship.
It's the strangest thing, I have friends that told me they should just have stayed living together they were happy.
Maybe they think something will change and then it doesn't?

It's a strange thing.
Click to expand...
you haven't been married before?
Go get married at home affairs for a minimal charge and see what happens in the next year or 2 ;)
 
Lager said:
you haven't been married before?
Go get married at home affairs for a minimal charge and see what happens in the next year or 2 ;)
Click to expand...

No thank you! To be honest nobody has asked so I'm not in any danger... The last time I got wind that a bf wanted to ask... I moved to Cape Town :D

I don't want to get married, thank you.

Have you met an African family ( yes african as in all of the people here) that doesn't want a big fanfare? I have not and I wasn't blessed with such a family. Neither was the SO. So if I was ever in the mood for a moerse fight, I'll get married.
 
Mila said:
Living together for 7 year, what will I now randomly start doing. I find it very strange.
I will walk out of a bad marriage just as quickly as a bad relationship.
It's the strangest thing, I have friends that told me they should just have stayed living together they were happy.
Maybe they think something will change and then it doesn't?

It's a strange thing.
Click to expand...


My wife and I date for 5.5 years and lived together for 5 of those years before getting married.
Not much changes, but I think there are some small things that change. What changes will depend on the couple I think.

I have seen some guys go bananas because they feel 'closed in' a few months after marriage. Others become more closed off and dont go out anymore because they start planning a future together.

For us, we went from talking about both wanting kids to actually having that become more than talk and it seemed more "real" after we were married. Once married we really started planning a future together. I know before hand we did have plans and all that, but I think somewhere in our heads we both thought that we were still just dating and things could change. Both of us take marriage extremely seriously and so once we committed in that sense, it felt like all the talk was solidified.
 
Mila said:
No thank you! To be honest nobody has asked so I'm not in any danger... The last time I got wind that a bf wanted to ask... I moved to Cape Town :D

I don't want to get married, thank you.

Have you met an African family ( yes african as in all of the people here) that doesn't want a big fanfare? I have not and I wasn't blessed with such a family. Neither was the SO. So if I was ever in the mood for a moerse fight, I'll get married.
Click to expand...

Do what you want to do. Don't worry about others.
 
Doing that, just wondering about this mysterious thing that changes.
I'm not testing it thank you. :twisted:
 
You mysteriously stop hanging with your single friends because they are not good enough anymore. I don't know really but I think it helps if you plan on having kids so that everyone has the same surname.
 
One of the biggest errors that people make concerning marriage, is that they expect that it will change things. It never does.
 
Garson007 said:
One of the biggest errors that people make concerning marriage, is that they expect that it will change things. It never does.
Click to expand...

same goes for kids. People trying to have kids because they think it will help their marriage are in for a big surprise
 
Mila said:
Living together for 7 year, what will I now randomly start doing. I find it very strange.
I will walk out of a bad marriage just as quickly as a bad relationship.
It's the strangest thing, I have friends that told me they should just have stayed living together they were happy.
Maybe they think something will change and then it doesn't?

It's a strange thing.
Click to expand...
What I was saying is that your SO sees it as entering into a much bigger commitment. Don't really know why as it's just as easy to walk out of a marriage as any other relationship. But in any case habits they put up with before they no longer do and think you should change to fit better within the marriage. This can also come from your side. Strange how people change their views of a situation when the situation hasn't really changed so much.
 
Garson007 said:
One of the biggest errors that people make concerning marriage, is that they expect that it will change things. It never does.
Click to expand...

Exactly this, and the problem is that people spend months faffing over the couple and there is a big lead up to the wedding and after that no one cares anymore. No big fuss is made about them anymore and the couple are left wondering. It's like a huge build up over a (generally) long period of time and then once it's done it's like a huge anti climax and life just carries on like it always did.

This also stems from marriage being overly romanticised and hence the couple in most cases seems to be left expecting something else that never happens, something other worldly. I would say this is the downfall of many couples and because many people get married to fix their issues when nothing amazing happens automatically after marriage they are left disappointed.

For people that are happy as a couple and want to get married just enjoy it but know that you're throwing a large amount of money down the drain for a reinforced commitment.
 
Lol, I was also told this before getting married and nothing changed so have no clue. Could be because we did everything backwards- moved in, had our children, and then finally got married. Marriage is ok and quite underrated, I didnt feel like my husband would love me any more if we got married and vice-versa. We mostly did it to uncomplicated things like buying a house/sharing the same surname as my children and security.
 
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