What's wrong with me?

[Solarion]

I basically don't like going home anymore. When I'm at home I feel anxious/restless.

I'll give you a back story. Up till a month ago, I was unemployed for 4 months. In between interviews and job hunts, I had nothing to do but sit in my flat stressing and becoming depressed. After two months I had the constant fear of my landlord showing up to either lock my door or claim my possessions. I would spend hours a day pacing up and down with terrible anxiety feeling the end was coming for me. I've never gone through such a bad patch in my entire life. Then the situation ended and in January 5th I started working.

Now this is what I don't understand. I still now feel this anxiety and restlessness when I'm at home. I sometimes need to go outside because I feel a panic attack coming on, and I've lost my enjoyment for the things I enjoyed (tv, reading, going for beach walks) it's like during this bad time everything that had simple enjoyment for me is now gone and I don't know how to get that little sigh of happiness and peace when I coming home from work. The weekends are the worst, I sit there unable to relax.

I feel as if there is still some kind of impending doom hanging over me. I'm not good with this psychological stuff but I know something is broken inside me and it's, well, I feel sad about it, like I've lost happiness in my life Welling up just typing this. Can anyone explain what has happened to me or how I can go forward?

 

[Sinbad]

Sounds like you are still suffering from depression. Maybe find a psychologist who can help you out?

 

[Ridolfc]

Depression, you should seek professional help and spend time with friends and loved ones

 

[cerebus]

Can't you simply move? The psychological toll of that time must have built up associations that get triggered whenever you're home. My wife still connects certain smells with the severe nausea she experienced when she was pregnant. So, just change your associations and see if it helps. You're renting anyway right.

 

[Solarion]

Never figured I'd have depression, it sort of just crept up. Thanks guys. I'll start looking around.

 

[Solarion]

Can't you simply move? The psychological toll of that time must have built up associations that get triggered whenever you're home. My wife still connects certain smells with the severe nausea she experienced when she was pregnant. So, just change your associations and see if it helps. You're renting anyway right.

This is exactly how I feel. I may need to change my environment. I know it's hardly the same, but I read this story once where a lot of people who went through 9/11 have refused to ever go back to New York. It feels like my safe and peaceful environment has been shattered. The thought of losing everything or worse just pushed me too far I reckon.

 

[Ridolfc]

Never figured I'd have depression, it sort of just crept up. Thanks guys. I'll start looking around.

I hope you really do something about it. Depression is treatable. You can feel better. Don't just leave it until you feel like there is no way out, and then you do something stupid.

 

[JackWhite]

You seem like you need to keep working and uneasy when its time to stop. You are afraid of it happening again. Perhaps when you are home, dont do nothing, or watch tv but rather take that weird feeling to push you to learn more about your field.

 

[OrbitalDawn]

Was this the first time you've been unemployed for a stretch like that? Perhaps the first time while having significant commitments?

Maybe you feel insecure about your position and you're afraid you'll lose what you've got and be back where you are?

Either way, see a psychologist.

 

[SauRoNZA]

This is exactly how I feel. I may need to change my environment. I know it's hardly the same, but I read this story once where a lot of people who went through 9/11 have refused to ever go back to New York. It feels like my safe and peaceful environment has been shattered. The thought of losing everything or worse just pushed me too far I reckon.

It sounds like you've basically conditioned yourself into believing that your environment equals bad things happening to you.

So you either need to change that conditioning by making it a happy place again, or you need to change the environment.

But going to see a psychologist would be my first step before trying to solve my own problems.

You already admitted to yourself it's a psychological problem, so follow that school of thought.

 

[Sinbad]

It sounds like you've basically conditioned yourself into believing that your environment equals bad things happening to you.

So you either need to change that conditioning by making it a happy place again, or you need to change the environment.

But going to see a psychologist would be my first step before trying to solve my own problems.

You already admitted to yourself it's a psychological problem, so follow that school of thought.

I've lost my enjoyment for the things I enjoyed (tv, reading, going for beach walks) it's like during this bad time everything that had simple enjoyment for me is now gone

This is depression, not conditioning. The beach is not part of his flat.

 

[RazedInBlack]

I don't agree with seeing a psychologist just yet. If you have a long standing history of depression yes by all means go see one but it seems its been only for a while.

You associating your home environment with trauma loss and if you not able to move try something different. Your lounge or bedroom, make some changes to your immediate environment. New furniture or paint job. You need to trigger that happiness once more within yourself or maybe talkning to a professional might do that as well, who knows. But know that this episode will not last forever.

 

[SauRoNZA]

This is depression, not conditioning. The beach is not part of his flat.

I didn't imply that it isn't depression.

Just rather exploring how it came about.

 

[deweyzeph]

You could have undiagnosed bi-polar disorder. Best to have it checked out.

 

[Beachless]

You need to consume more beer...



But on a serious note you have probably not dealt with the experience yet you can try do it yourself by writing all the issues down and coming up with solutions or valid reasons for feeling like that and why you love reading, walking on the beach etc and try getting into that routine again. But someone who is trained will most likely get you through it quicker.

If its something like fear of losing your job again then you can get income protection, save more and study or get more certification to lessen the chances and impact and come to terms with the fact that it is uncertain but you have prepared as best you can.

All the best.

 

[CL-West]

I basically don't like going home anymore. When I'm at home I feel anxious/restless.

I'll give you a back story. Up till a month ago, I was unemployed for 4 months. In between interviews and job hunts, I had nothing to do but sit in my flat stressing and becoming depressed. After two months I had the constant fear of my landlord showing up to either lock my door or claim my possessions. I would spend hours a day pacing up and down with terrible anxiety feeling the end was coming for me. I've never gone through such a bad patch in my entire life. Then the situation ended and in January 5th I started working.

Now this is what I don't understand. I still now feel this anxiety and restlessness when I'm at home. I sometimes need to go outside because I feel a panic attack coming on, and I've lost my enjoyment for the things I enjoyed (tv, reading, going for beach walks) it's like during this bad time everything that had simple enjoyment for me is now gone and I don't know how to get that little sigh of happiness and peace when I coming home from work. The weekends are the worst, I sit there unable to relax.

I feel as if there is still some kind of impending doom hanging over me. I'm not good with this psychological stuff but I know something is broken inside me and it's, well, I feel sad about it, like I've lost happiness in my life Welling up just typing this. Can anyone explain what has happened to me or how I can go forward?

Firstly, congrats on the new Job

As suggested, it might be best to go and see a psychologist.

But in the mean time, why not rearrange your flat a bit, it will help keep your mind active and your place might seem as if it is a whole new place. Might work and it is a simple solution.

 

[Solarion]

You could have undiagnosed bi-polar disorder. Best to have it checked out.

I hope not. I know someone with that and she's got some serious issues.

You need to consume more beer...



But on a serious note you have probably not dealt with the experience yet you can try do it yourself by writing all the issues down and coming up with solutions or valid reasons for feeling like that and why you love reading, walking on the beach etc and try getting into that routine again. But someone who is trained will most likely get you through it quicker.

If its something like fear of losing your job again then you can get income protection, save more and study or get more certification to lessen the chances and impact and come to terms with the fact that it is uncertain but you have prepared as best you can.

All the best.

Lol beer makes it worse! Thanks for the advice. Sorry if I come across and rushed but work is knocking off early. I do feel better having talked about this, just needed to get this off my chest.

I feel like I need a reset button pushed. It's like my life blue screened at one point and even though the hardware problem is solved, I'm still stuck on the blue screen. I do need help I really do.

It sounds like you've basically conditioned yourself into believing that your environment equals bad things happening to you.

So you either need to change that conditioning by making it a happy place again, or you need to change the environment.

But going to see a psychologist would be my first step before trying to solve my own problems.

You already admitted to yourself it's a psychological problem, so follow that school of thought.

Somehow the house was the worst spot, I felt so anxious and depressed that then and now it feels like a prison, a place with bad memories. I'd say no-matter where I was 2 months ago, I just had hit rock bottom. I'll take the weekend to write things down like someone suggested, try to get this stuff out on paper so it makes sense.

I hope you really do something about it. Depression is treatable. You can feel better. Don't just leave it until you feel like there is no way out, and then you do something stupid.

Will do thanks.

You seem like you need to keep working and uneasy when its time to stop. You are afraid of it happening again. Perhaps when you are home, dont do nothing, or watch tv but rather take that weird feeling to push you to learn more about your field.

I will try that. Over the last weekend I did some garden work and it did help. The time sort of flew by and I forgot about all this.

 

[lunch]

I've been going through something similar, I'm moving from JHB to CT to see if it helps. Good luck man.

 

[longboy]

Maybe go and rent somewhere else OP, it seems that house has some bad vibes.

 

[SauRoNZA]

You could have undiagnosed bi-polar disorder. Best to have it checked out.

Because these days everyone has bi-polar disorder.


Besides if it was that it wouldn't automatically be linked to the home environment and would affect him at random.