What's wrong with me?

Beerisgood said:
I basically don't like going home anymore. When I'm at home I feel anxious/restless.

I'll give you a back story. Up till a month ago, I was unemployed for 4 months. In between interviews and job hunts, I had nothing to do but sit in my flat stressing and becoming depressed. After two months I had the constant fear of my landlord showing up to either lock my door or claim my possessions. I would spend hours a day pacing up and down with terrible anxiety feeling the end was coming for me. I've never gone through such a bad patch in my entire life. Then the situation ended and in January 5th I started working.

Now this is what I don't understand. I still now feel this anxiety and restlessness when I'm at home. I sometimes need to go outside because I feel a panic attack coming on, and I've lost my enjoyment for the things I enjoyed (tv, reading, going for beach walks) it's like during this bad time everything that had simple enjoyment for me is now gone and I don't know how to get that little sigh of happiness and peace when I coming home from work. The weekends are the worst, I sit there unable to relax.

I feel as if there is still some kind of impending doom hanging over me. I'm not good with this psychological stuff but I know something is broken inside me and it's, well, I feel sad about it, like I've lost happiness in my life :( Welling up just typing this. Can anyone explain what has happened to me or how I can go forward?
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There are many things that can cause this. One I've become more familiar with is raised cortisol levels. Excess exercise can cause raised cortisol levels but they come back down when you rest.

1) Do you get enough rest? Do you have a 'timeout' place at home where you can just chill and leave the world behind?
2) Is your mind too active perhaps? Too much external stimuli - things like computers, TV, gaming all contribute to that - avoid these things, particularly for an hour or more before bed.

http://www.doctoroz.com/slideshow/cortisol-reduction-grocery-list
http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/power-down-better-sleep
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sara-gottfried-md/cortisol_b_2822176.html
http://www.adrenalfatigue.org/sleep-disruption

I haven't read all of those so pinch of salt in there
 
I don't think you have depression, but it sounds like you have anxiety and have been conditioned to feel anxious at the things you usually enjoy, because of the extreme stress you have been through.

Not enough information to tell if you have BPD, but unlikely.

Start writing down your thoughts. When you feel anxious at home, write down what is going through your head. Pull it apart. What makes you anxious? What are you afraid of? What is the worst that could happen? How likely is it that it could happen?

Read about anxiety and the ways to deal with it. I don't just mean breathing exercises and visualization. I mean getting to the bottom of what you are feeling anxious about.
 
I think i'm too lazy too become depressed or have anxiety. There were times I started feeling depressed but then I was too lazy to care and the depression went away.
 
Thanks for the helpful links and advice guys. Will come back to this thread when I get home later.
 
Fridays area always the worst. This really is depression of the lonely variety 101.
 
Ridolfc said:
I think i'm too lazy too become depressed or have anxiety. There were times I started feeling depressed but then I was too lazy to care and the depression went away.
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It sounds like a form of ptsd, which isn't the same as depression at all. Like arietans said it's from severely heightened cortisol levels over a period of time that now when it's gone, have left a lasting impact.
 
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