Why do they do this?

Dolby

Dolby

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I'll cut a very long story short.

The girlfriend and I broke up a few months back after 3 years together. There wasn't much contact aside from the odd 'get away from me', 'you're a dick' and 'I don't love you' SMS/email (the normal breakup things).

About 3 weeks ago I get an SMS asking (nicely) askiing to lend her a little money, which I did. About a week later the same thing - and again I obliged (I still have a soft spot for her). A few days later she invites me to coffee which I go to. We flirt a little and all seems dandy between us.

Another week goes by and she asks if she can come to my place for coffee and ends up staying the night. A few nice SMS's are exchanged and a few days ago she again invites herself over - before going out to socialise. She even tell me she misses me and an SMS saying she's thought of me.

When she's around me she obviously gets calls and SMS's from guys (doesn't really hide it) and laughs and chuckles at them etc etc My initial feeling was that there was another guy(s) around, as she's done this beforehand and plays with both guys. I keep telling that's my exact feeling and she keeps denying it. I was reluctant to invite her anywhere as I know she's got socials, guys etc and I'd get rejected. However I did last week and sure enough, was told she needed to go somewhere. She did propose the following day though.

The next day I heard how she telling my old friend (no longer friends though) mine and hers secrets. Last night I hear how she was having dinner with another guy. Obviousy my suspicions were correct about playing two or more guys.

From a female side, why would you do this? If you have other new, exciting guys - why involve me? Why deny the other guys it when confronted? She can obviously do whatever she wants as she's single - but I'm the type person who'd rather just leave it totally with her, rather than be one of the guys. Yes, I still have a soft spot for her and it hurts.

It just seems she doesn't want me to forget about her - but have the single life too :/ I don't even know if she feels anything for me right now - but why play with me head? :/

Bleh.
 
dude cut your losses and move on! if it's not working out then STOP being friends period ! She's gonna keep using you because she knows you have that soft spot for her !
 
Totally gay... ;) Atleast you know whats going on... Just give her the boot and score one of her friends...
 
Sounds to me as if she is able to wrap you around her little finger, Dolby, even after the breakup.

She asks money, you give.
She wants to see you, you oblige.

You still have feelings for her, so that is why you do it. Bit it almost sounds like she can use you without having any regard for your feelings. That's not nice on her part.

Sorry to sound harsh, you seem a nice poster, but I firmly believe in the motto WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US.

If you stop giving money at the drop of a hat, seeing her on her terms alone, giving in so easily, she will either see the real you and admire you for standing up for yourself ... or she will move on (and you won't get hurt anymore).

Good luck.
 
She's using you whenever it suits her :(

Please stay away from her, it sounds like she's just bouncing from guy to guy getting what she needs from each one- and by you hanging around you're giving her what she wants.

She wants to involve you to show you she's better than you...She's showing off and trying to make it seem that she doesn't necessarily need you anymore but that she can still use you for certain favours. She thinks she can get any guy she wants and she knows that you will still be there regardless to give her money/ attention/ stroke her ego, when she needs it.

Yes you do have a soft spot for her- you dated for three years so there is no denying that some feelings may remain long after the relationship is over. It's understandable and expected. It's up to you to realise that you deserve her full attention and that it's not cool to be treated as a toy :(

She definitely wants the best of both worlds... The excitement of being chased and pursued by new men and the comfort of knowing she can run back to you for what she needs whenever she wants.

She's not worth it- she has no right to stuff you around like this, but she will continue if you keep allowing her to
 
+1000 to blue and lush

great advice
 
Quickest fix - get laid.... not even laid - just hookup - she'll be a distant memory in no time.

And listen to some Staind, Linkin Park - etc... always helps.
 
She wants the bread buttered on both sides... Scared to let you go becuase things with the new guy might not work out.

Be thankfully she did not want her bread butter on both sides the same way M_H's lady friend wanted to :p:D
 
Sounds to me like she reciprocated the loan by spending the night. Which of course would mean she's no better than a whore...
Tell her this and be rid of her forever. I'm sure it'll be in your best interest.
 
Actually Dolby, the question is not why do women do this, it is why the hell are you allowing this to happen???

I know you probably still love her but you need to realise that it's only happening because you're allowing it to :(

Take a stand...

xxx
 
Last edited:
Screw her! No, not that type of screw! Just stay away from her, ignore her calls and sms's. She'll soon get the message.
 
zeb said:
Sounds to me like she reciprocated the loan by spending the night. Which of course would mean she's no better than a whore...
Tell her this and be rid of her forever. I'm sure it'll be in your best interest.
Click to expand...

. . . ok, in that case, its a business transaction. Each of them got something out of the deal.
 
Yup - that's the advice I expected ;)

Ah well.

Just a little difficult to do it, I guess. I thought I was over her months back, but I've realised recently I'm not. I didn't think anyone would take advantage of that though :/

Thanks,
 
You are on her back burner.. just incase it doesn't work with the new guy.

Cut your loses.
 
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