Wife issues [Solved]

I think the catch with a marriage and a relationship is that it is seen as someone people should pursue, that it is natural, that it is the highest form of love and showing that you love someone, etc. It is also usually frowned upon if you don't have a family or a partner as you get older, so people go along with it believing what everyone says.

Now when people get married, they may not know who they are yet. They might not know what kind of life they want, what careers they want, what truly makes them happy, etc. Individuals go into marriage still focused on their individual journeys, and any deviation from that journey feels like a betrayal to themselves, and following their dreams may feel like a betrayal to the relationship.

So some people will hide things, especially if they're sensitive or ridiculous. How can some people tell their partner that they long for the old days when there was more romance, or they miss the feeling of being desired and chased? Or how can someone tell his wife that he hates his house, career and lifestyle and wants to make a drastic change without upsetting the partner's lifestyle? Sometimes being in a marriage can feel like a rotten job.

It is still possible thru cheating, hiding things, making bad decisions, etc - that they still DO love one another, their journeys have just taken them somewhere else. I blame this concept of marriage feeling like a trap/goal in the first place
 
Pitbull said:
The first sentence kinda explains it them. Married only once myself and we've been together 19 years. Married for 13
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Going on 13 years on my current one - settled in this round :laugh: Congrats on your 13 years
 
itsme2 said:
Firstly, you are not in the shoes of these 'selfish and cowardly' people. you have no context on which to base this comment. You don't know what leads to people making internal decisions. Life is complex.
Secondly, marriage is NOT vows. It's a legal contract. Now if you are talking religious marriage, then vows mean ZERO. I've been to second and third weddings all the time. Vows mean squat. The marriage LAWS state nothing about losing your identity, not watching porn or not banging the neighbour. Nothing. Keep your religion to yourself, as its personal, they all differ, and frankly, you are being intolerant and ultimately hypocritical in doing so.
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Your view is hilarious and quite sad really, perhaps thats why you have been to so many 2nd and 3rd weddings, birds of a feather..
 
STS said:
I think the catch with a marriage and a relationship is that it is seen as someone people should pursue, that it is natural, that it is the highest form of love and showing that you love someone, etc. It is also usually frowned upon if you don't have a family or a partner as you get older, so people go along with it believing what everyone says.

Now when people get married, they may not know who they are yet. They might not know what kind of life they want, what careers they want, what truly makes them happy, etc. Individuals go into marriage still focused on their individual journeys, and any deviation from that journey feels like a betrayal to themselves, and following their dreams may feel like a betrayal to the relationship.

So some people will hide things, especially if they're sensitive or ridiculous. How can some people tell their partner that they long for the old days when there was more romance, or they miss the feeling of being desired and chased? Or how can someone tell his wife that he hates his house, career and lifestyle and wants to make a drastic change without upsetting the partner's lifestyle? Sometimes being in a marriage can feel like a rotten job.

It is still possible thru cheating, hiding things, making bad decisions, etc - that they still DO love one another, their journeys have just taken them somewhere else. I blame this concept of marriage feeling like a trap/goal in the first place
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I told my wife that and she said I must get over it.

:D
 
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SauRoNZA said:
Think about it.

If your husband is constantly alluding to or accusing you of cheating, while you are perfectly innocent and he is just a controlling **** that is going to eat at you.

So at some point you are going to go, well **** it I’m a cheating whore according to him anyway, so I might as well have a go at it because I have nothing to lose.

I’ve seen it time and time again where relationships go pear shaped because the man can’t let his wife be a woman and live a life.
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such a warped way of thinking
 
Nick333 said:
I honestly don't have time to read everyone's text walls. I'll try later. But re: your first paragraph. No, I expressly compared insane jealousy with noticing unexplained changes in your partners behaviour. The OP is clearly a case of the latter.
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Yeah I’m just illustrating that extreme jealousy can often lead to the latter.

It’s a product of, rather than a symptom.
 
Pitbull said:
I agree 100%

However, I have changed a lot from what I was before I got married and what I am now. I'm still me, but no longer who I was. And this is based on changes required to be able to dit as a couple. Wife amd I would have been divorced many years ago if I didn't change as an individual to also include her
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Oh yeah obviously we aren’t rocks and we do change in time.

After all we are the products of experience and would change with age regardless of our partners.

They are more like accelerants.
 
Nick333 said:
Nice little scenario that seems to have no connection to the OP you've come up with there.
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I’m not in his shoes so how can I possibly know?

All we have is what he’s chosen to share (or not share with us).

It’s almost never a one sided scenario.

He did state that he essentially demanded her not to make contact with her ex. That says a whole lot in and of itself.
 
Deadmanza said:
Why would anyone take advice on marriage from someone who couldn't get their marriage to work "a couple times over"???
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Like I said - so we live and learn.

Don't want anyone to take my 'advice' - different perspectives help though.
 
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