Wondering about mother

[sister]

Today is father's day and I wish that my dad was around so that I can share a special moment with him. Instead I have to pause and give some thought to my mother.

I have these images of my mother that haunts me day and night. When I was little, our dog had a litter of puppies. My mother drowned all the puppies in a bucket of water because she didn't want to be "stuck with the responsibility". She was cruel and mean. Some of the flashbacks are vague but the one that haunts me is the drowned puppies.

Now I find myself wondering if she thinks about her life or if she regrets some of these things. Over the years I tried to stay on good terms, move on and forget the things she had done. But the harder I try, the more it haunts me.

I try to put myself in her position and imagine that she regrets her cruelty and that she would admit to or try to make up for her mistakes. But every few weeks something happens that reminds me of the mother I remember from my childhood.

I don't want to see her again or have to talk to her or spend time with her. I don't hate her. I just don't want to see her. And I wish that my father was the one who survived.

 

[Pitbull]

Today is father's day and I wish that my dad was around so that I can share a special moment with him. Instead I have to pause and give some thought to my mother.

I have these images of my mother that haunts me day and night. When I was little, our dog had a litter of puppies. My mother drowned all the puppies in a bucket of water because she didn't want to be "stuck with the responsibility". She was cruel and mean. Some of the flashbacks are vague but the one that haunts me is the drowned puppies.

Now I find myself wondering if she thinks about her life or if she regrets some of these things. Over the years I tried to stay on good terms, move on and forget the things she had done. But the harder I try, the more it haunts me.

I try to put myself in her position and imagine that she regrets her cruelty and that she would admit to or try to make up for her mistakes. But every few weeks something happens that reminds me of the mother I remember from my childhood.

I don't want to see her again or have to talk to her or spend time with her. I don't hate her. I just don't want to see her. And I wish that my father was the one who survived.

Holy bloody hell

I honestly don't know what to post here, I'm at a loss for words

 

[Helghast]

Whoa! Drowned! was she mentally insane! is she in an asylum?
no sane person drowns like 5 puppies just so they wont be stuck with the responsibility! they would either sell them or would've made sure before hand to spayed the dog!
she would have spent like 10 minutes drowning all of them! now that can mess someones mind!

 

[syntax]

Today is father's day and I wish that my dad was around so that I can share a special moment with him. Instead I have to pause and give some thought to my mother.

I have these images of my mother that haunts me day and night. When I was little, our dog had a litter of puppies. My mother drowned all the puppies in a bucket of water because she didn't want to be "stuck with the responsibility". She was cruel and mean. Some of the flashbacks are vague but the one that haunts me is the drowned puppies.

Now I find myself wondering if she thinks about her life or if she regrets some of these things. Over the years I tried to stay on good terms, move on and forget the things she had done. But the harder I try, the more it haunts me.

I try to put myself in her position and imagine that she regrets her cruelty and that she would admit to or try to make up for her mistakes. But every few weeks something happens that reminds me of the mother I remember from my childhood.
I don't want to see her again or have to talk to her or spend time with her. I don't hate her. I just don't want to see her. And I wish that my father was the one who survived.

I cannot believe there are ppl out there who could drown a baby animal...let alone more than one, for such ridiculous reasons....
I judge ppl alot by the way they treat animals, and this honestly would disgust me...

Strange thread for fathers day......personally, I would be hard pressed to make contact with this person ever again, for any other reason than calling the police/animal society on them and testifying ni court

 

[Pitbull]

Guys, everyone is now on about his/her mother....

I'm trying to understand what kind of a life he/she has growing up under such a house hold.
This is a very sad thread tbh. I'm honestly at a loss for words on this forum for the first time in 4 years.....

 

[Pitbull]

had*

edit not working.....

 

[waynegohl]

sad, very sad.

 

[Helghast]

Guys, everyone is now on about his/her mother....

I'm trying to understand what kind of a life he/she has growing up under such a house hold.
This is a very sad thread tbh. I'm honestly at a loss for words on this forum for the first time in 4 years.....

As I said maybe her mom was mentally insane.. too go further maybe a psychopath. it must've been hard to live with someone like that.
Sister did your dad die when you were a baby or was he just not around?

 

[Sting]

Blood is thicker than water and you cannot choose your family.

I had a "feud" with my dad for almost 10 years. For the sake of my kids and my family, I made the first move towards reconciliation. That was 6 years ago and all is still well.

 

[syntax]

Guys, everyone is now on about his/her mother....

I'm trying to understand what kind of a life he/she has growing up under such a house hold.
This is a very sad thread tbh. I'm honestly at a loss for words on this forum for the first time in 4 years.....

There was no sugggestion in the opening post of mental illness etc , the reason given was cruelty and selfishness...it was a callous and disturbing/disgusting act........hence my empathy/sympathy meter is not budging

 

[Pitbull]

There was no sugggestion in the opening post of mental illness etc , the reason given was cruelty and selfishness...it was a callous and disturbing/disgusting act........hence my empathy/sympathy meter is not budging

Not even for the poster?

I'm referring to the poster of the thread not the mother in the OP

 

[copacetic]

Now I feel like crying that I was mean to you.

 

[syntax]

Not even for the poster?

I'm referring to the poster of the thread not the mother in the OP

Ah, sorry, i mis interpreted that
Agreed, those kind of actions can do some serious damage...especially from a parental figure..

 

[nightjar]

But the harder I try, the more it haunts me.

In HER mind at the time it might have seemed that there was no alternative but you will never know.

The fact that it still haunts you shows that you are a sensitive, caring person who will only hurt yourself by dwelling on it.

Can I suggest that you have a session or two with a psychologist who will help you put it behind you. As a first port of call you might phone your local branch of Lifeline who will be able to suggest a name.

 

[Helghast]

Now I feel like crying that I was mean to you.

dude we all had hard lives when we were younger some harder than others doesnt mean you can be mean and rude to everyone.

 

[copacetic]

dude we all had hard lives when we were younger some harder than others doesnt mean you can be mean and rude to everyone.

On principle, I am not mean at all. Sister and I just got into a bit of a heated argument, that's all.

Do you think I am mean and rude to everyone?

 

[Helghast]

On principle, I am not mean at all. Sister and I just got into a bit of a heated argument, that's all.

Do you think I am mean and rude to everyone?

No.
you said you felt sorry for being rude to her but you were only "rude"(which I dont think you were) cos she was.
what i was saying is just cos sister had a hard childhood doesnt mean she can be rude.

 

[sister]

No.
you said you felt sorry for being rude to her but you were only "rude"(which I dont think you were) cos she was.
what i was saying is just cos sister had a hard childhood doesnt mean she can be rude.

i have to admit that i agree with Helghast.

we all have our own issues to deal with. this one is mine.

the tragedy or reason for posting it here, is probably to clear my own conscience for not wanting to stay in touch. in some twisted way it seems cruel because now she wants a relationship with me but i don't want a relationship with her.

my father died a couple of years ago. he would probably have divorced her at some point - i think he didn't want the divorce because he was afraid that she would get custody. he was a kind and generous man whom i respected a great deal. i often think about him and i am grateful that he was a part of my life.

 

[sister]

On principle, I am not mean at all. Sister and I just got into a bit of a heated argument, that's all.

Do you think I am mean and rude to everyone?

it comes with the territory and people are free to participate in a forum debate or to leave.

religious and political debates can get very emotional and intense. that's life.

 

[Helghast]

is that puppy incident the worst of the lot or did she do things like that a lot?
how is she now does she still do things like that or is she fine now?