Would you share a flat with a friend?

C

chefdude98

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Hi guys,

I am considering getting into a flatshare with a close friend.

The only reason why im considering it is due to financial reasons.

I will describe our personalities.

I am shy, sweet, too soft at times & try to avoid confrontation. People tend to take advantage & I avoid confrontational situations.

My friend :

Sometimes rude. Sarcasm but justifies it as humor & "shade".

E.g We go to a store. The assistant takes too long to assist him.

My friend: "Wow this table is as cheap as the service here".

I am quiet & pretend to look at other items.

I don't care how kak service is. I won't be rude to somebody. I would rather leave the store or not tip if a waiter was terrible at their job.

We go to a restaurant.

I have anxiety & sometimes find it difficult being in crowded places.

I order a few drinks over the course of the meal.

We are sitting next to other patrons.

My friend : " I know why you are drinking so much. It is cause you are nervous. Why dont you feel comfortable around other people? They dont care.

Me : I don't want to talk about this right now.

My friend : Why don't you want to talk about it?Why do you take a Xanax/zopax before we go somewhere?

Me : I don't want to talk about it now.

Him : You need to work on your issues and go out more. Nobody cares, everyone has issues.

Me : *i get tired of excusing and holding things in*

" shut the **** up. I dont want to talk about it now"

Him : there is no reason to be rude.


I sometimes feel like he cannot let go of things I have said to him.

I constantly tell him to grow up & be an adult.

The only reason I react is due to me constantly holding things in, ignoring the things that he does & then I finally explode.

He constantly reminds me of things I have said to him & I am able to let go of whatever he has done that has bothered me.

I sometimes feel like he looks for a fight or argument.

He is in management & sometimes has a crap day. He is short tempered at times & makes snarky insensitive remarks.

He later goes on to apologise & tell me he had a bad day.

Typing this made me realise the friendship is sometimes unhealthy.

He also has redeeming qualities.

He never takes advantage of me financially, listens whenever I am going thru a tough time & was there for me when I was hospitalised.

I really don't know if sharing will be a good idea.

What do you think?

Thanks
 
fruitbat said:
You’ve answered your own question. Find other friends. Or find something you can afford.
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I needed to type it out & figure out the answer.

It won't work & the friendship will probably dissolve.

He is too assertive /bossy/bitchy/

& I am too timid/passive/weak/fragile
 
If he's tidy and will pay his rent, do it. If you don’t get on, stop being friends, but remain flatmates. Flatmates are a wonderful way to cut your expenses, and can work as more a business deal than a social deal.
 
3WA said:
If he's tidy and will pay his rent, do it. If you don’t get on, stop being friends, but remain flatmates. Flatmates are a wonderful way to cut your expenses, and can work as more a business deal than a social deal.
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Doesn't work. I tried that too once when I came back from overseas.

It was a disaster and a nightmare living like that.

Your home should be a sanctuary that you look forward coming home to, after a shcitty day at work...not a place you dread, filled with uncomfortable silences.

DON'T move in with this guy.
 
Contract all terms and agreements. Define rules etc and agree.
We not all the same and sometimes opposites make the best team.
 
MightyQuin said:
Doesn't work. I tried that too once when I came back from overseas.

It was a disaster and a nightmare living like that.

Your home should be a sanctuary that you look forward coming home to, after a shcitty day at work...not a place you dread, filled with uncomfortable silences.

DON'T move in with this guy.
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Fair enough. I suppose it depends on how tolerant you are of drama in your life. But I see your point that being able to live in a nicer flat with a flatmate's contribution may be worthless if they stressing you out.
 
No, tried this.
Tried to set up a cleaning roster. Did not work.
Stuck me with the deposit and a months rent. This is a bad idea.
 
Rather try a stranger, much better than living with people you know. I did this in my single days, ended up being friends with most of the people I lived with.
 
Sharing a flat with someone who is outgoing might help you a little with your social anxiety. He'll invite people over and you'll get more exposure to people. Living alone it sounds like you'll cocoon yourself.
 
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Urist said:
Sharing a flat with someone who is outgoing might help you a little with your social anxiety. He'll invite people over and you'll get more exposure to people. Living alone it sounds like you'll cocoon yourself.
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From experience, exposure doesn't help social anxiety. It makes it worse.
 
I would say DONT. I learnt from judge Judy not to share flats with friends but somehow I still made that mistake. I moved in with my best friend and we haven’t spoken in over 6 months even though we live together. I could write a whole book about living with him.

I can’t wait for this lease to expire so I can find my own place alone.
 
Urist said:
Sharing a flat with someone who is outgoing might help you a little with your social anxiety. He'll invite people over and you'll get more exposure to people. Living alone it sounds like you'll cocoon yourself.
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This will make it worse. He'll only cocoon himself in his room.
 
"I sometimes feel like he looks for a fight or argument " and "He is short tempered at times & makes snarky insensitive remarks. "

Not good qualities for flat sharing in other person. If you are not even living together & you feel this way, imagine how actually living with him will be... x10 worse because you are shacked up together!!!!!!
 
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