Would you share a flat with a friend?

chefdude98 said:
Hi guys,

I am considering getting into a flatshare with a close friend.

The only reason why im considering it is due to financial reasons.

I will describe our personalities.

I am shy, sweet, too soft at times & try to avoid confrontation. People tend to take advantage & I avoid confrontational situations.

My friend :

Sometimes rude. Sarcasm but justifies it as humor & "shade".

E.g We go to a store. The assistant takes too long to assist him.

My friend: "Wow this table is as cheap as the service here".

I am quiet & pretend to look at other items.

I don't care how kak service is. I won't be rude to somebody. I would rather leave the store or not tip if a waiter was terrible at their job.

We go to a restaurant.

I have anxiety & sometimes find it difficult being in crowded places.

I order a few drinks over the course of the meal.

We are sitting next to other patrons.

My friend : " I know why you are drinking so much. It is cause you are nervous. Why dont you feel comfortable around other people? They dont care.

Me : I don't want to talk about this right now.

My friend : Why don't you want to talk about it?Why do you take a Xanax/zopax before we go somewhere?

Me : I don't want to talk about it now.

Him : You need to work on your issues and go out more. Nobody cares, everyone has issues.

Me : *i get tired of excusing and holding things in*

" shut the **** up. I dont want to talk about it now"

Him : there is no reason to be rude.


I sometimes feel like he cannot let go of things I have said to him.

I constantly tell him to grow up & be an adult.

The only reason I react is due to me constantly holding things in, ignoring the things that he does & then I finally explode.

He constantly reminds me of things I have said to him & I am able to let go of whatever he has done that has bothered me.

I sometimes feel like he looks for a fight or argument.

He is in management & sometimes has a crap day. He is short tempered at times & makes snarky insensitive remarks.

He later goes on to apologise & tell me he had a bad day.

Typing this made me realise the friendship is sometimes unhealthy.

He also has redeeming qualities.

He never takes advantage of me financially, listens whenever I am going thru a tough time & was there for me when I was hospitalised.

I really don't know if sharing will be a good idea.

What do you think?

Thanks
Click to expand...
This is going to end badly. I have seen a few friendships end because of flatshares. Don't do it OP
 
saturnz said:
If you say so.
Click to expand...

Why are you always attracted to these kinds of threads? Only to post fictional prices about places that can never be backed up by links or the places are listed in the Gaza strip, followed by some arb reasoning that the places are affordable, you just need to keep your head on a swivel and carry your own personal firearm 1 up.

@OP, the fact that you're posting this, probably tells you all you need to know about the situation, you're sixth sense is telling you it won't work. If you still want to try it, make sure it's short term or there is escape clauses or something.
 
chefdude98 said:
Hi guys,

I am considering getting into a flatshare with a close friend.

The only reason why im considering it is due to financial reasons.

I will describe our personalities.

I am shy, sweet, too soft at times & try to avoid confrontation. People tend to take advantage & I avoid confrontational situations.

My friend :

Sometimes rude. Sarcasm but justifies it as humor & "shade".

E.g We go to a store. The assistant takes too long to assist him.

My friend: "Wow this table is as cheap as the service here".

I am quiet & pretend to look at other items.

I don't care how kak service is. I won't be rude to somebody. I would rather leave the store or not tip if a waiter was terrible at their job.

We go to a restaurant.

I have anxiety & sometimes find it difficult being in crowded places.

I order a few drinks over the course of the meal.

We are sitting next to other patrons.

My friend : " I know why you are drinking so much. It is cause you are nervous. Why dont you feel comfortable around other people? They dont care.

Me : I don't want to talk about this right now.

My friend : Why don't you want to talk about it?Why do you take a Xanax/zopax before we go somewhere?

Me : I don't want to talk about it now.

Him : You need to work on your issues and go out more. Nobody cares, everyone has issues.

Me : *i get tired of excusing and holding things in*

" shut the **** up. I dont want to talk about it now"

Him : there is no reason to be rude.


I sometimes feel like he cannot let go of things I have said to him.

I constantly tell him to grow up & be an adult.

The only reason I react is due to me constantly holding things in, ignoring the things that he does & then I finally explode.

He constantly reminds me of things I have said to him & I am able to let go of whatever he has done that has bothered me.

I sometimes feel like he looks for a fight or argument.

He is in management & sometimes has a crap day. He is short tempered at times & makes snarky insensitive remarks.

He later goes on to apologise & tell me he had a bad day.

Typing this made me realise the friendship is sometimes unhealthy.

He also has redeeming qualities.

He never takes advantage of me financially, listens whenever I am going thru a tough time & was there for me when I was hospitalised.

I really don't know if sharing will be a good idea.

What do you think?

Thanks
Click to expand...

Sounds like a ****, not a friend.
 
Do it. He helps you afford the flat & fights all your battles for you. How's that not bliss?

Or romance him, won't be sharing with a 'friend' anymore..
 
If he treats you the way you describe, then he is NOT a friend but rather an insecure person with issues of his own. He thinks he feels more masculine when treating you like crap. Tell him to p**S off!!
Don't do it.
 
Mr Smooth said:
If he treats you the way you describe, then he is NOT a friend but rather an insecure person with issues of his own. He thinks he feels more masculine when treating you like crap. Tell him to p**S off!!
Don't do it.
Click to expand...
It isn't due to him asserting his masculinity.

The reason why I tolerate his bad attitude / behavior at times is cos he has been through a lot.

He basically was an adult since his teenage years due to family stuff.

He is one of those people that is always on the defense. "Get them before they get me", type of person & he definitely needs to see a therapist regarding some of the things he has been through.

I just get annoyed when he behaves that way with me. I have mentioned it to him & told him that I am the last person he needs to be defensive with.

This thread basically confirmed what I was in denial about.

If I share with him the friendship ends.
.
 
Find a different person to share a flat with.

And side note, he/she does not sound like a friend.
 
chefdude98 said:
Hi guys,

I am considering getting into a flatshare with a close friend.

The only reason why im considering it is due to financial reasons.

I will describe our personalities.

I am shy, sweet, too soft at times & try to avoid confrontation. People tend to take advantage & I avoid confrontational situations.

My friend :

Sometimes rude. Sarcasm but justifies it as humor & "shade".

E.g We go to a store. The assistant takes too long to assist him.

My friend: "Wow this table is as cheap as the service here".

I am quiet & pretend to look at other items.

I don't care how kak service is. I won't be rude to somebody. I would rather leave the store or not tip if a waiter was terrible at their job.

We go to a restaurant.

I have anxiety & sometimes find it difficult being in crowded places.

I order a few drinks over the course of the meal.

We are sitting next to other patrons.

My friend : " I know why you are drinking so much. It is cause you are nervous. Why dont you feel comfortable around other people? They dont care.

Me : I don't want to talk about this right now.

My friend : Why don't you want to talk about it?Why do you take a Xanax/zopax before we go somewhere?

Me : I don't want to talk about it now.

Him : You need to work on your issues and go out more. Nobody cares, everyone has issues.

Me : *i get tired of excusing and holding things in*

" shut the **** up. I dont want to talk about it now"

Him : there is no reason to be rude.


I sometimes feel like he cannot let go of things I have said to him.

I constantly tell him to grow up & be an adult.

The only reason I react is due to me constantly holding things in, ignoring the things that he does & then I finally explode.

He constantly reminds me of things I have said to him & I am able to let go of whatever he has done that has bothered me.

I sometimes feel like he looks for a fight or argument.

He is in management & sometimes has a crap day. He is short tempered at times & makes snarky insensitive remarks.

He later goes on to apologise & tell me he had a bad day.

Typing this made me realise the friendship is sometimes unhealthy.

He also has redeeming qualities.

He never takes advantage of me financially, listens whenever I am going thru a tough time & was there for me when I was hospitalised.

I really don't know if sharing will be a good idea.

What do you think?

Thanks
Click to expand...
I could write a book about my experiences living with friends. For 1 of the 3 years while I was working my first job I had to share a flat with my best friend at the time and it practically ruined our friendship. If you want details I'll post them, that was one of the hardest years of my life.

2nd year into it I haven't learnt my lesson and told a friend coming to work in Cape Town from our home town to stay with me while we split the costs as it will be better for both of us. The first 4 months was bliss, we cooked, cleaned, gamed and partied together in that flat but after those 4 months things turned sour quickly and we only exchanged a good morning here and there and that's it.

3rd time around another friend was desperate as he couldn't find anywhere to stay within his budget and I reluctantly agreed to let him move in with me, well after he stayed with me for the full rental term after completely trashing his room, he left me with paying for the damages and I was out of pocket one month's rent.

Don't do it man, it'll be the worst time of your life. People like your friend does not respect other people's boundaries and he finds pleasure out of causing harm to you. He sounds like the type that'll also take advantage of you when you are at your weakest
 
I've been flatmates with my best mate and we are complete opposites. He loves to complain about things and I would also avoid confrontation.

We made it work for 5 years before we moved into our own places because I got a permanent squeeze.

You can make it work, just have rules set out clearly.
 
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