Yet some more relationship advice needed

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Sure your studies are important. Sure your job is important. Sure, spending time relaxing and clearing your mind is important. But what good is all that achievement if you can't share it with anyone?

Retorical question because I already found the answer... the hard way...

If you're worried about anything (money/studies/job) and juggling a relationship I'd have to go with this piece of advice:

Plan, structure, plan, structure, plan.

Planning & Structuring my day to get the most effectiveness out of it is usually thrown out of the window because of my work. This is where I usually phase out a bit. Sometimes I do so much in such a little span of time I forget to look at the watch, so this is where other people's routines usually gives me a heads up on the time of day.

You have to juggle this. You'll be a fuller person because of it. Studying is the temporary phase here. Not your relationship.

Don't judge the person who cares for you and compare that to your own ability to reflect "feelings"

I've had the excuse "You care too much for me and I don't think I'll ever care as much for you as you do for me" before. Every person is different and shows/says how much they care in the first place.

If you choose to put books and "a future" ahead of your choice of having a healthy relationship with someone you can grow with (be it old, or just mildly less young) then I'm afraid you're in for a huge suprise lateron in life.

Remember. Life happens when you plan something else.

I have a hunch this isn't about your studies or time or work. But perhaps a fear of rejection or committment.

I know you. Because I am you. I roll around in the fecis of my own fear every day all day. It's not as much fun and the fear of the unknown both scares me and lures me towards it. Don't fall in the same trap a lot of people fall into.

Happiness trumps money/education/wealth
 
And that from our resident relationship expert.

You win the prize.
 
Nanfeishen said:
You are young , so you have your future to consider, and one would hope that it go's beyond the house in the suburbs with a picket fence, 2 and half kids and debt up to your eyeballs.
Consider your studies over a relationship, consider your dreams and goals as no1 priorites in your life, everything else should be placed secondary until you have acheived what you set out to accomplice.
Take the time out to explain this to her, if she is decent and caring of you and your goals and desires, she will understand, and stick around.
If there is a hugely emotional response, then get out, before it becomes an emotional distraction in your life, because then your studies really will suffer.
If you start to focus on a relationship too soon, then your studies will suffer the natural consequences, and what if it doesnt go as planned, then you will begin to resent that individual for detracting you from your studies.
Stick to your studies, stick to your plan, dont give in to outside influence at any cost to those goals.
The alternative is a life of frustration in unfullfilled dreams.
Click to expand...

I disagree

Patty said:
I also should mention that for some reason I have a slight phobia of relationships or rather commitment. This "phobia" could be screaming all the negatives to me. I think relationships scare me a little bit is because i'm scared of being used, hurt and taken advantage of? Scared of loosing out in other things in life that I mentioned above.

The more I share my story here the more I think im messed up when it comes to relationships. :confused:

Thanks for the words and advice so far.
Click to expand...

I didn't even read that far yet and knew it. *slaps upside Patty's head*
 
Pooky said:
And that from our resident relationship expert.

You win the prize.
Click to expand...

If it's money I'll take it :D

Advice is just experienced polished off and regurgitated back into the world. Making the saying, those who can't do... teach, very true
 
...Earning a huge amount of money and not having someone to share it with is a passport to depression and an empty life...sure its cool to earn lotsa cash drive flashy cars and live in a R5 000 000 house but there are times when your money can't help you(Sickness, death of someone close you ect...you know wat I mean), when you have so called friends(I call them bling buddies) that won't help you or will act all passionate and understanding because they know next weekend they get to stay in your vacation home for free.

Point im trying to make is that all men and woman need partners aka husbands and wives...people that are there for you...for richer or poorer..in sickness and in health...Yeah your young and your future is important but having someone to spend the future with is just as important!!

And no im not saying marry the girl..but at least give her a chance and see how things work out...from what i can tell she's very understanding and she's giving you the space you need for your studies and work ect. Just my 2c's worth
 
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You don't need to give up on either. Many extremely busy, ambitious and successful people manage to have relationships without neglecting their studies or careers. Think of parents who study, work, pay bills & raise kids at the same time (without armies of nannies). Its an extreme example, but it shows that if you really want to, you can "have it all". You are at an advantage because you're still young. You just need to be willing to work harder and plan carefully/better regarding your time management.

If she is as understanding as you said Patty, why break her heart? Give things a fair go with her & be honest with her when you really don't have time to hang out. If you force yourself to be with her at times when you should be studying, I can tell you that you'll end up resenting her for it, instead of yourself, for not being straight up about it. If she can handle being away from you for weeks on end then why not? She might be the best thing thats ever gonna happen to you.
 
Thank you to everybody for the advice. I have decided to give it a chance and see how it goes. You only live once!
 
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