Morgoth
Executive Member
BROS BEFORE HOES!
follow the bro code on this!
follow the bro code on this!
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Question of the Day: Will you be subscribing to the new Disney+ R49 streaming package?
your best friends gf
- Thread starter superB
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Another opinion
Quite the loaded thread…who needs soapies?
My general comments to this thread…
How can you fairly judge a relationship as an outsider? Your opinion is subjective at best. Surely you appreciate that your friend has some ounce of common sense, if the relationship was that destructive he/she would be able to make that call for him/herself. If the friend was incapable of independent thought I question your friendship.
My definition of a friend would include an intangible bond of respect and goodwill between two people, a person offering assistance and by symmetry a person who is not hostile towards the other party. A best friendship could be further defined as a more established friendship, nurtured over a lengthy period.
The cornerstone attribute is respect. A friend (albeit that they may disagree) should respect the choices made by the other. Voicing your opinion is important, fulfilling the function of assisting; acting upon your opinion is another matter entirely. After all your perspective is incredibly limited, there are numerous intangibles to a relationship and in your defense these are in all, by the sounds of it, foreign.
By taking such a decisive stance, by forcefully acting about your personal feelings you are in effect, by definition, not a friend and most certainly should not be wearing the ‘best friend hat’. You show an obvious lack of respect for your friend, in his decisions and actions and in turn are hurting him/her by trying to force him/her to pick a side.
In conclusion, an evaluation of what it means to be a friend is in order. I whole heartedly agree that you should advise accordingly but you should also respect the choices made by your friend, try to understand their reasoning, support them in their decisions and try act like a best friend.
Life is the proving ground for the soul. Spiritually we all need to learn the lessons the world has to teach, sometimes we do not agree or understand the actions of others but it is not your place to judge the evolution of the soul. First take the log out of your own eye….
Quite the loaded thread…who needs soapies?
My general comments to this thread…
How can you fairly judge a relationship as an outsider? Your opinion is subjective at best. Surely you appreciate that your friend has some ounce of common sense, if the relationship was that destructive he/she would be able to make that call for him/herself. If the friend was incapable of independent thought I question your friendship.
My definition of a friend would include an intangible bond of respect and goodwill between two people, a person offering assistance and by symmetry a person who is not hostile towards the other party. A best friendship could be further defined as a more established friendship, nurtured over a lengthy period.
The cornerstone attribute is respect. A friend (albeit that they may disagree) should respect the choices made by the other. Voicing your opinion is important, fulfilling the function of assisting; acting upon your opinion is another matter entirely. After all your perspective is incredibly limited, there are numerous intangibles to a relationship and in your defense these are in all, by the sounds of it, foreign.
By taking such a decisive stance, by forcefully acting about your personal feelings you are in effect, by definition, not a friend and most certainly should not be wearing the ‘best friend hat’. You show an obvious lack of respect for your friend, in his decisions and actions and in turn are hurting him/her by trying to force him/her to pick a side.
In conclusion, an evaluation of what it means to be a friend is in order. I whole heartedly agree that you should advise accordingly but you should also respect the choices made by your friend, try to understand their reasoning, support them in their decisions and try act like a best friend.
Life is the proving ground for the soul. Spiritually we all need to learn the lessons the world has to teach, sometimes we do not agree or understand the actions of others but it is not your place to judge the evolution of the soul. First take the log out of your own eye….
chiskop
Executive Member
I think that people in this thread are more accurately talking about the effect of a relationship on their friend, rather than judging the relationship. Sometimes people need an external POV to help them see their situation a little more clearly.
And yes, it's a one-sided thread because we're talking about "off the wall psycho gfs" - there have also been occasions where I've seen a relationship that is really, really good for a friend.
Err, I leave the "judging of the evoltuoin of the soul" to others.
I think that people in this thread are more accurately talking about the effect of a relationship on their friend, rather than judging the relationship. Sometimes people need an external POV to help them see their situation a little more clearly.
Without too much effort you can see the causality in this topic. I doubt there would be a substantial effect on the person without a relationship. Hiding behind the logic that you are judging the effect and not the cause is no justification for getting over involved. As I originally posted I agree 100% that a friend is there to give an ‘objective’ opinion, but just how objective is influencing your friend to make a decision with your weak understanding of the complexities of his/her relationship?
I have to say - I lean more strongly towards Polks point of view. After all, no outsider will fully understand the dynamic that exists between two people other than the people in question.
IMHO a true friend would respect and support instead of trying to force their views and wants onto their 'friend' who, for all intents and purposes, is already having a hard enough time. I understand looking out for the best interest of a friend, but at the same time we cannot make other peoples decisions for them. A friend deserves love, respect, support and understanding. Not a constant barrage of insults about how shocking their choices in life are.
If the relationship is really not meant to be, it will run its course and be over with. Hope fully those on the periphery will be there to support. By the same token, if the relationship IS meant to be, it would be sad to put a friend in a position where he is caught between 2 waring factions.
If I were in this position I would make a peace offering to the 'other side'. Not out of a desire for friendship, but out of love and caring for the person who is consistently being caught in the middle.
IMHO a true friend would respect and support instead of trying to force their views and wants onto their 'friend' who, for all intents and purposes, is already having a hard enough time. I understand looking out for the best interest of a friend, but at the same time we cannot make other peoples decisions for them. A friend deserves love, respect, support and understanding. Not a constant barrage of insults about how shocking their choices in life are.
If the relationship is really not meant to be, it will run its course and be over with. Hope fully those on the periphery will be there to support. By the same token, if the relationship IS meant to be, it would be sad to put a friend in a position where he is caught between 2 waring factions.
If I were in this position I would make a peace offering to the 'other side'. Not out of a desire for friendship, but out of love and caring for the person who is consistently being caught in the middle.
Natas
Expert Member
I'll give advice from the otherside. I was the dude with the whackjob for a girlfriend. Apparently she was really nice to my friends when I was around but not when I wasn't. they all complained and asked me to ditch her. I was in high school and at the time, ALL my girlfriends where just things to be enjoyed.
Anyways, I personally accepted the comments of my friends and belived them, eventhough I never witnessed teh behaviour. I didnt get upset with them. I continued to go out with the chick. I think you shoudl tell you mate what you need to tell him, if he is your best friend, he will get it!
Anyways, I personally accepted the comments of my friends and belived them, eventhough I never witnessed teh behaviour. I didnt get upset with them. I continued to go out with the chick. I think you shoudl tell you mate what you need to tell him, if he is your best friend, he will get it!
semiautomatix
Honorary Master
Well, you can respect you friend's decision. But ultimately the choice to stay in the room with your friend's SO is your own. If it is merely going to lead to fights and a general uneasiness it seems pointless to attempt the situation; why would I want to go out and relax but have to stay tense all the time with this air of disdain floating around?