Your reaction / actions for this situation?

[syntax]

My partner has a daughter, pre-teen and very observant. She spent Xmas eve with her biological dad at his families house.
The house was quite full so her, the dad and the dads girlfriend shared a room.
Dad and girlfriend got drunk, and had sex in the room that evening while she was in it, apparently fairly vigorous sex.

She is pretty upset, the dad is not a particularly reasonable individual and a normal human conversation with him is likely to result in verbal abuse, denial, saying she is lying and then yelling at her when he sees her again.

I have a severe dislike for this individual and am probably not objective in what my reaction is. Interested to see if the general consensus is that I am blowing this out of proportion? I mean, I have had the kids open our bedroom door whilst we are in action, but that for me is a closed door when they were in their rooms and obviously we stopped...this feels different and just...not right.
There are other complexities with this and in my opinion he is just a terrible person, but would an objective person take this further than just a conversation with him that goes nowhere and a talk with the pre-teen in general or just leave it at that?

 

[DapperDanMan]

She should simply refuse to ever go back there again.

That would be the call-out that gives her the upper hand from the start.

As a bonus, you could say this to him:

"Look at me ... I am the captain now."

 

[FiestaST]

That's pretty farked up hey, vigorous sex or not while a kid is in the room.

Major parenting fail imo.

Oke sounds like a class act.

 

[OCP]

Defintely not acceptable on any level.

Having been in similar situations (blended family / dating partner with kids and troublesome ex) my advice would be to discuss with your partner and not to do anything without her full consent/input.

Good luck

 

[Grouter]

Book an uber whore who has the clap and a bottle of whiskey and send her and the whiskey round to his house. Make popcorn, wait for the fun. Win.

 

[airborne]

That is fked up, it would be weird enough for the kid if it was done discreetly and under covers but vigorously implies something more like spread eagled with full visuals and sound effects.

It’s probably time to start asking some uncomfortable questions about this guy if he had no qualms subjecting his child to this kind of treatment.

 

[CB40]

My partner has a daughter, pre-teen and very observant. She spent Xmas eve with her biological dad at his families house.
The house was quite full so her, the dad and the dads girlfriend shared a room.
Dad and girlfriend got drunk, and had sex in the room that evening while she was in it, apparently fairly vigorous sex.

She is pretty upset, the dad is not a particularly reasonable individual and a normal human conversation with him is likely to result in verbal abuse, denial, saying she is lying and then yelling at her when he sees her again.

I have a severe dislike for this individual and am probably not objective in what my reaction is. Interested to see if the general consensus is that I am blowing this out of proportion? I mean, I have had the kids open our bedroom door whilst we are in action, but that for me is a closed door when they were in their rooms and obviously we stopped...this feels different and just...not right.
There are other complexities with this and in my opinion he is just a terrible person, but would an objective person take this further than just a conversation with him that goes nowhere and a talk with the pre-teen in general or just leave it at that?

What did your partner have to say about this?

 

[B-1]

Its not in the best interest of the child. Being drunk is not an excuse.

 

[ShaunSA]

Both were drunk as skunks so incapable of giving consent. So that's two rapes that happened that night then

 

[Rumple4skin]

Sounds like some real backyard scrapyard people. No wonder there wasn’t enough space - a trailer can only fit so many people.

 

[RedViking]

Family Care, although the government institutions pretty useless.

 

[FiestaST]

I might be outta turn here but in my mind:

Backyard scrapyard people = sister shagging.

 

[syntax]

Defintely not acceptable on any level.

Having been in similar situations (blended family / dating partner with kids and troublesome ex) my advice would be to discuss with your partner and not to do anything without her full consent/input.

Good luck

My partner is very volatile when it comes to this guy (I understand why), I am usually the voice of reason and calm everything down. In this instance, i dont know if I am reasonable in what I want to do. He isnt going to listen to anyone speaking to him and is a very unpleasant person.
At the moment my thinking is speak to him anyway and just tell him its inappropriate (which will result in swearing at me and hanging up) or find out if there is something legal to be done (the kid doesnt want to be there ever anyways and although I believe strongly in being fair and having both her parents in her life, we are just considering that she will be better off with full guardianship with her mom so she has more sway and control in what happens going forward)

 

[ShaunSA]

Sounds like some real backyard scrapyard people. No wonder there weren't enough space - a trailer can only fit so many people.

Be nice. @syntax's chick married into this family

 

[syntax]

What did your partner have to say about this?

sorry, I answered another post answering this. She is furious, she is very volatile when it comes to this guy and normally I have to try keep everyone reasonable, but I think I have had enough of him as well now. The normal course of action would be her calling him, abuse being hurled between them, and then she is in an awful mood for a few days with nothing really productive happening.
The kid is also super nervous around her dad, her mom phoning will essentially result in some kind of backlash when the kid is there again.

 

[syntax]

Be nice. @syntax's chick married into this family

He isnt wrong, they are low moral, unpleasant people. He can be an exceptionally charming guy, but is very unpleasant once the charm disappears. If we could not have to interact with him ever again it would be a good thing. Unfortunately, they have a daughter together and this person uses every opportunity to make life harder than it needs to be

 

[bwana]

At the moment my thinking is speak to him anyway and just tell him its inappropriate (which will result in swearing at me and hanging up) or find out if there is something legal to be done (the kid doesnt want to be there ever anyways and although I believe strongly in being fair and having both her parents in her life, we are just considering that she will be better off with full guardianship with her mom so she has more sway and control in what happens going forward)

If she wants full guardianship, and by now that should be a given, the first thing you do is have her speak to a lawyer. The last thing you want to do is get involved at this stage.

 

[ShaunSA]

He isnt wrong, they are low moral, unpleasant people. He can be an exceptionally charming guy, but is very unpleasant once the charm disappears. If we could not have to interact with him ever again it would be a good thing. Unfortunately, they have a daughter together and this person uses every opportunity to make life harder than it needs to be

So they are the backyard scrapyard family your missus married into on her own free will

I think that was my point

 

[r4nd0m]

she is very volatile when it comes to this guy

What does this actually mean? I hope you don't mean she still caters to this guy's wants and desires?

I know you're discussing the daughter, but this is why it's better to avoid single parents. The drama isn't worth it. If this was your biological kid, this wouldn't be an issue. Control would be yours. No jackass ex to deal with.

Anyway, I hope you kept your cool and took the rational way out. The person who really matters here is the pre-teen, so I would get her understanding of what happened and iron out any potential issues. Guide her perception, teach her wrong from right, ultimately just do damage control and make sure this doesn't become an issue in her life going forward.

 

[r4nd0m]

So they are the backyard scrapyard family your missus married into on her own free will

You're trying to imply consequences for wrong choices and actions? Well yes, you're right, but hindsight is also 20/20. People can change for the worse.