A question about extra-marital affairs?

[FrankCastle]

Here's a question for you people:
What is the primary reason why people cheat on their partners?

If its solely for the sex (exchange of bodily fluids and orgasm)
then its a pretty big price to pay if you do get caught, isnt it?

Lets examine various scenarios shall we:

Lets say a woman in a boring marriage meets a very good looking guy who has an exciting, energetic
personality,engaging, friendly ,smart,well off and humourous etc.He's basically everything
a woman could ever want in a man but there's one major problem:

He does not have a penis in the traditional sense.Lets say he lost in an unfortunate
smelting accident.What was once a powerful representation of virile manhood is now
just a stump.

My question is, will the woman be motivated to pursue a secret sexless affair if she finds
out about his handicap?
Will she look for other ways to 'extract' pleasure from this man or will she just leave it
alone and move on?

Here's another situation:

A jobless man who has a very demanding career driven successful wife feels intimidated by
her success but meets a very simple ,down to earth, caring, pretty and bubbly girl but
again there is a problem down under:

She has a severe case of Blue Waffles.
Will the man pursue a relationship with the 'girl of his dreams' if he found out about the
disease.

Lets assume that in both situations their respective partners don't approve of having
'close friends'.

If you are in a loveless marriage, and you suddenly meet the person whom you've always
dreamt of having as a life partner, would you pursue an affair if there was no
possibility of real penetrative sex?

If its no then check out my second question.Its not worth it?
If its yes then why must sex be a by product of an affair?

Most marriages end in divorce if the affair was 'consumated'.
There's still a possibility to save a marriage if there was no penetration.

 

[buyeye]

If you didn't have sex you basically just friends, who thought very hard about it and decided to stay with your current partners . This is why it doesn't end in dirvoce. And I didn't quote any religious books.

 

[Arthur]

Once you're married you really ought to stay faithful to your spouse no matter how unfaithful they are. Their infidelities can't cancel your own commitment.

 

[drukkie]

Dude...we are animals....our brains are hardwired to have sex...
Hence the saying...men think with their you know what.

Women are hardwired to go for someone who can provide for her children...even if she doesn't think that is the reason.
The only reason why we are monogamous is because our kids take 14-18 years to leave the nest. and this choice was not decided by the man lol


people change...values change...kids...life...
I'm not promoting it...just saying...

 

[drukkie]

Once you're married you really ought to stay faithful to your spouse no matter how unfaithful they are. Their infidelities can't cancel your own commitment.

and you don't know what your talking about lol

 

[Arthur]

Dude...we are animals....our brains are hardwired to have sex...
Hence the saying...men think with their you know what.

Women are hardwired to go for someone who can provide for her children...even if she doesn't think that is the reason.
The only reason why we are monogamous is because our kids take 14-18 years to leave the nest. and this choice was not decided by the man lol


people change...values change...kids...life...
I'm not promoting it...just saying...

Hardwired perhaps. We're animals, but not only or merely animals - we are what the Philosopher called Rational Animals. To be human we must place our instincts and drives under rational control, or never grow up into adults.

and you don't know what your talking about lol

Been married for 27 years. I made a vow. I intend to keep it.

 

[buyeye]

Hardwired perhaps. But we're not just animals. To be human we must place our instincts and drives under rational control, or never grow up into adults.

Been married for 27 years. I made a vow. I intend to keep it.

How old were you when you got married and how many times has she cheated on you?

 

[drukkie]

@arthur...not questioning how long you been married...but if she cheats on you you need to dump her man.
you will implode if you don't....it's a slippery slope...
and once you down there you might not make it back up.

ps we never grow up

 

[FrankCastle]

Dude...we are animals....our brains are hardwired to have sex...
Hence the saying...men think with their you know what.

I agree about the urge and the necessity but if you're getting roast chicken from your wife for lunch why do still have to get oily slap chips from the corner cafe.The chips will be lekker but will leave you feeling queesy.
Human weakness,arrogance or or just plain stupidity?

Originally Posted by Arthur
Once you're married you really ought to stay faithful to your spouse no matter how unfaithful they are. Their infidelities can't cancel your own commitment.

This is sarcasm right.
If you're serious then there's something inherently wrong with this statement.

 

[Arthur]

This is sarcasm right.
If you're serious then there's something inherently wrong with this statement.

No sarcarsm. Please share with us your insights into why this is inherently wrong. I'd love to know.

 

[Devill]

Dude...we are animals....our brains are hardwired to have sex...
Hence the saying...men think with their you know what.

Women are hardwired to go for someone who can provide for her children...even if she doesn't think that is the reason.
The only reason why we are monogamous is because our kids take 14-18 years to leave the nest. and this choice was not decided by the man lol


people change...values change...kids...life...
I'm not promoting it...just saying...

No we would be animals if we gave into the urges

Or do you still club a female over the head and rut with her?

 

[Ancalagon]

What the hell is blue waffles?

I think a lot of humans do it for the excitement, the thrill. Or it could be that they think their spouse doesnt appreciate them, or isnt affectionate enough towards them.

I'd bet in most cases that sex is an essential part of it, but not the only part. The cuddling and sweet nothings matter a lot.

 

[Venomous]

make sure you're at work

google : blue waffles while the whole department watches..

What the hell is blue waffles?

I think a lot of humans do it for the excitement, the thrill. Or it could be that they think their spouse doesnt appreciate them, or isnt affectionate enough towards them.

I'd bet in most cases that sex is an essential part of it, but not the only part. The cuddling and sweet nothings matter a lot.

 

[ISP cash cow]

What the hell is blue waffles?

Oh no Lets not go there again!!

 

[Ancalagon]

I googled it - apparently a lot of the pictures are photoshopped for effect. I saw one that looked pretty fake. Not pretty though, I'll grant you that.

 

[FrankCastle]

No sarcarsm. Please share with us your insights into why this is inherently wrong. I'd love to know.

Let me unpack you statement and please feel free to retort.
You married to someone and promise to remain faithful till death do us part etc.the other person engages in a secret full blown affair behind your back and hope you don't find out about it.Trust and loyalty goes out the window.
But you are sticking to your guns about remaining faithful forever and will not even consider divorcing your lying, cheating partner.
This scenario could only work if you're the forgiving type and the other person is deeply and utterly remorseful.

 

[Devill]

Let me unpack you statement and please feel free to retort.
You married to someone and promise to remain faithful till death do us part etc.the other person engages in a secret full blown affair behind your back and hope you don't find out about it.Trust and loyalty goes out the window.
But you are sticking to your guns about remaining faithful forever and will not even consider divorcing your lying, cheating partner.
This scenario could only work if you're the forgiving type and the other person is deeply and utterly remorseful.

I can see Arthur's point. It does work for some.

I am not one of those it will work for however. You cheat on me and it is bye bye.

 

[Arthur]

Let me unpack you statement and please feel free to retort.
You married to someone and promise to remain faithful till death do us part etc.the other person engages in a secret full blown affair behind your back and hope you don't find out about it.Trust and loyalty goes out the window.
But you are sticking to your guns about remaining faithful forever and will not even consider divorcing your lying, cheating partner.
This scenario could only work if you're the forgiving type and the other person is deeply and utterly remorseful.

I can well understand your perspective.

Here's mine:

The vow I make is that I will love and cherish her and remain (sexually, emotionally and financially) faithful to her as long as either of us lives, no matter what she does, or how much or little she has, or how healthy or sick she becomes. I have no fingers crossed behind my back, no ifs and no buts. My vow to her is utterly unconditional and for the duration of her or my natural life (ie, only her or my death can extinguiish the marital bond). Furthermore, I do not enter into any antenuptial agreements (even though I am wealthy), and cede to her not half of what I have, but everything, to be jointly and mutually held.

These are but words, but they are words for which I freely and fully and unreservedly mean and intend and resolve all that they can and do mean (if you get my meaning).

That is marriage, in my view. Anything less is just not worth it.

The marvellous thing is: she means the same. What a magnificent liberation this is, for both of us! It even makes the sex better, and completely without risk.

Words, you say? Yes, I know. Of course life happens.

Now, say she is (sexually) unfaithful, or even leaves me and moves in with someone else? My vow to her was and remains unconditional and was not premised on her actual subsequent behaviour, even if that were in contravention of her vows to me. My marriage is not just a conditional quid pro quo arrangement, where I give only so long as she gives, and vv. Part of the very essence of it is that I remain faithful no matter what she does. Sexual infidelity, though serious, is not the worst that can happen. Not by a long chalk.

Marriage is a great risk. We venture our whole selves in the hope that the other will deliver. It's a risk. But anything less is not enough. You cannot gain more than you venture. And if you venture everything, you gain everything. It's a serious business, probably the most serious of all things you can do (and the font of children). You need to be very sure before you get married. Talk these things through thoroughly. Know your prospective spouse thoroughly so you can be sure you intend and mean your commitment to her, and she her commitment to you.

Though our vows to one another are mutual and reciprocal, any subsequent failure in reciprosity cannot release me from my vows. I can and will continue to love her and will the best for her and remain faithful to her even if she is living with someone else, always hoping that she will revivify our marriage. So, neither I not my wife can end our marriage - whichis why we made it as a vow to Almighty God and not just some government official. Neither can mutual agreement end it, for in this view marriage is not just a legal contract. It is a covenant, ie a mutual self-donation without condition.

It is my experience after many years of marriage that anything less than this will certainly end in great personal catastrophe for us and our kids, and we've certainly had our tests.

If you don't intend this when you marry, then don't make the vows. You are swearing a solemn oath not just to your spouse, but also to Almighty God. Mean what you say, or have the guts to not perjure yourself and perform a sacrilege for the sake of form. And if you don't believe this, make it very clear to your future spouse exactly what you do believe, so she can know where you're at. Anything less is deception of the most devious kind.

Oh, and course I know other people have different definitions of marriage. They just don't work for me because they deliver too little, they're too unradical, too wimpsih, too weak, too vague, too small for everything that I want to give and to get and to do and to be with my beloved woman. And I feel sorry for people who have a lesser view of marriage - they dramatically reduce their chances of reaching the ecstacies of love and security that such a solemn and inconditional commitment brings.

 

[Mike Hoxbig]

/snip

You're a bigger man than I am. I'd tell her to GTFO.

Whatever vow is taken is applicable to both parties, and as soon as one party breaks that vow then I consider it null and void. I'm not the type of person who can look at someone the same way after they've broken most sacred trust in my life.

 

[Arthur]

You're a bigger man than I am. I'd tell her to GTFO.

Whatever vow is taken is applicable to both parties, and as soon as one party breaks that vow then I consider it null and void. I'm not the type of person who can look at someone the same way after they've broken most sacred trust in my life.

Of course they are applicable to both parties. The question is how do you deal with failure?

Maybe in order to forgive much you must come to realisation that you have been forgiven much. Humility is necessary. I am not a larger man, maybe just a greater weakling, but who knows that my own failures must not be allowed to destroy the best we are and can be -- otherwise all of life becomes a failure.

It's a decision: Don't allow your or your spouse's failures to sabotage your greatest hope for happiness. Let the good side win.