Advice on teacher's conduct

[Kloofvreter]

Want me to kiss it better LOL

/JK

YES! Let's derail!!!!!!! :twisted:

 

[guest2013-1]

What exactly do you mean by this ? What do you do with this wooden spoon ? Threaten them ?

I do nothing with the wooden spoon. I just have it in my hand. I don't point to them with it or anything. Sometimes I'll bang it against something that'll make a noise if I feel they're not listening to me, other than that, they're just afraid to get a hiding with it.

I don't know about other kids but with my 18 month old making him look me in the eye and telling him loudly and in an angry tone of voice "No! YOU ARE A BAD BOY!" then ignoring and withholding affection from him for a few minutes is enough to make him burst into tears, crap himself and not repeat the behaviour.

The moment this stops working or it looks like he is starting to manipulate me I'll start giving smacks.

Exactly, but before smacking I'd suggest the wooden spoon method, works wonders...

Also the pepper thing won't work because my little boy loves two minute noodles with Bushman's Smoked Jalepeno sauce and fetta.

lol, soap works best... my mom washed my mouth out with soap when I cursed. I only started cursing in Grade 10

You will understand one day. You will do everything in your power to protect your child & believe me as a parent you do tend to overreact a little bit. You'll see, the day your child is born you carry your heart outside your body.

Yes, but like I mentioned, I will give instructions as how to punish the child and appreciate a phone call when such punishment has being given. I've seen the difference between leaving a child with someone they KNOW they can misbehave without repercussion and taking care of the child when they KNOW they'll be punished if they're naughty. Children know they can get away with murder at creche because they can't be punished for it, but will act like little angels when their parents are around because they know they will get punished for misbehaving. It's the same way they learn to lie...

I'd say that what you allow family to do to your kids is different to what you allow strangers (Which is pretty much what teachers are.) to do.

Also each kid is different. Some don't need to be smacked some do.

Why leave your kid with strangers then if you don't want them to discipline your child? Like I said to the OP. You're causing the bad behavior by allowing for it to go unchecked by giving the care takers NO power to act on it.

See but you ALLOW them. You gave them permission to discipline your child within certain boundaries - this teacher did not have the required permission. You know what is so contradictory... fighting violence with violence: 1 bite = 1 slap on the hand. How is this constructive discipline?

They need to learn that their actions has consequences, and that you treat other people like you want to be treated. So if you hurt someone else, you'll be hurt in turn. Without consequences, he'll start believing he can do or say whatever he likes and it will have no negative affect to him whatsoever.

 

[Cheri_N]

YES! Let's derail!!!!!!! :twisted:

YAY!!!! I've had more than enough "seriousness" for one day...

So S, where do you want me to start

 

[Kloofvreter]

But did you read that the other kid that bit him only got send to the naughty corner? But the OP's kid got slapped? How is that fair?

Maybe it was the end of the day, and there was no time for a 20minute naughty chair session or something like that? And slapped is the wrong word.

 

[guest2013-1]

Its an old debate. These days, lead by the our friends with the starry flag, any physical punishment on your child is deemed abuse. Yet an entire generation grew up with physical reproof and it doesnt take a rocket scientists to compare which generation fared better.

The problem is, some people abused the ability to discipline their children, and took it too far. So humans have centralized the thresholds of child discipline to the N's degree to protect from that. But also have left the door open for children who are merely disciplined by words, not action.

And lets face it, how many adults on this forum can say they dont remember what they got their biggest hidings for? And did they do it again? Are they worse off now?

To answer the original question posed - the only thing i agree with is that the punishment given was not equal . Smack both kids, or shout at both kids. But dont differentiate punishment in front of them because in their little minds it breeds superiority complexes.

Biggest hiding I can remember that jumps to mind was when I was disrespectful to my grandad. My mom moer'ed me like there was no tomorrow. Never did it again. And to be honest, that's the only real hiding I remember. Apparently I was hit a lot as a child for misbehaving (if I misbehaved) but was generally obedient and respectful towards others. That's why I said, buig die boompie terwyl hy groen is. They won't remember you hitting them, but it will instill discipline from a young age

 

[Obelix]

But did you read that the other kid that bit him only got send to the naughty corner? But the OP's kid got slapped? How is that fair?

life isnt fair - that lesson you still need to learn.

 

[guest2013-1]

I think we all agree that there's a clear line between discipline and abuse. And I think Cheri_N must be afraid that giving the creche the ability to discipline her child will lead to abuse. However, threatening with a wooden spoon is much different to using it. So passively they're able to correct behavior without touching the child, however, the "control freak" in her leads to disallow any form of punishment because mommy's little angel can do no wrong?

*shrug*

I'll leave it up to you to decide, go watch that Nanny show on Discovery (or was it BBC?)... all I know is from experience with my nieces and nephew and that show(s). Would love to hear how the little tike turned out 15 years from now. Drug abuser or not etc...

 

[cerebus]

See but you ALLOW them. You gave them permission to discipline your child within certain boundaries - this teacher did not have the required permission. You know what is so contradictory... fighting violence with violence: 1 bite = 1 slap on the hand. How is this constructive discipline?

You know, I think my child is quite capable of knowing the difference. If he hits or bites another child he's going to get full retribution. I've seen the kids that never get smacked when they push over other kids and you know what happens - they keep doing it without fear of punishment - they learn to despise their parents' authority. Actually we're facing exactly that situation currently with a couple's child and we're at our wits' end. They refuse to take strong action so he keeps bullying our child. It's not meeting violence with violence - smacking isn't violent, it's disciplinary. They learn that it hurts to hit someone because they get hurt. And they learn to fear the results of their bullying.

 

[Voicy]

Is it just me or were Afrikaans kids donnered A LOT more than english kids?

A few of my english guy friends have never had hidings from their parents. My brother and I used to show off our purple bruises on our but cheeks at school to compare them to other kids who got caught doing the same naughty stuff that we got the hidings for.

Screw being grounded or getting hit with a hand/slipper/wooden spoon... for us it was 6 of the best with a 1m long, 5cm wide, 2cm thick plank. Did it make me resent my parents? Not for a second. Will I always remember that day? most definitely.

 

[Cheri_N]

This article explains it better than I can:

Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids
by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.


In 24 countries around the world, it is illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child, and 113 countries prohibit corporal punishment in schools.1 Yet in all of North America, physical punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as necessary discipline, and condoned, or sadly, even encouraged.

For the past several years, many psychiatrists, sociological researchers, and parents have recommended that we seriously consider banning the physical punishment of children. The most important reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the organization End Punishment of Children (EPOCH)2, is that "all people have the right to protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too."3

1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.

2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.

3. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.

4. The phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem. The poem, like his novel, The Way of All Flesh, was written to expose and denounce violence against children.

While the "rod" is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book of Proverbs that this word is used in connection with parenting. The book of Proverbs is attributed to Solomon, an extremely cruel man whose harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam, to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who only narrowly escaped being stoned to death for his cruelty. In the Bible there is no support for harsh discipline outside of Solomon's Proverbs. By contrast, the writings in the Gospels, the most important books in the Bible for Christians, contain the teachings of Jesus Christ, who urged mercy, forgiveness, humility, and non-violence. Jesus saw children as being close to God, and urged love, never punishment.4

5. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.

6. Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.

7. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky. Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters adolescence and early adulthood.

8. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in childhood, can create in the child's mind an association between pain and sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in adulthood. "Spanking wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad consequences of this confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental attention except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little self-esteem, believing he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see "The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" (also in French).

Even relatively moderate spanking can be physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the child. The prevalence of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its origins in childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve damage from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed medical complications.

9. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.

10. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems. If a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues into the next generation.

Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.

 

[guest2013-1]

This article explains it better than I can:

I doubt any of that which you quoted from the article was proven. I'm taking proof in the pudding here. I don't go hurting others for the **** of it. I'm quite disciplined. I obey the law. I respect my elders (whoever they may be,strangers or not). I'm a well-rounded (for the most part) and disciplined adult.

If I have to look at the teenagers/young adults of today, I don't see that at all. Not being disciplined and leaving bad behavior unchecked causes this. You can't tell me that being spat on by kids in public is allowed in society today are you? Because that happened to me on more than 1 occasion and all I did was walk past... and the crime of being white... and have those kids had the discipline in growing up knowing what is wrong/right behavior, it would never have happened.

I've never in my life hit anyone to "solve a problem" or "express my feelings"... ABUSING YOUR CHILD does that to them, THEN they will act out violently. But like I said, there's a difference between disciplining the child and coming home and wailing on them because you don't have enough money for a punching bag and you have nothing better to do...

 

[Voicy]

Acid, I agree.

My dad moered the snot out of me via hidings that I deserved. However ... and here's the thing ... he NEVER EVER hit us while he was angry. He ALWAYS sent us to wait in his room for 30mins or so ... then came in and told us why we're getting a hiding .. and then gave it. Striking a kid out of anger is not the way to go.

 

[Kilgore_Trout_Redux]

Some of those items in that list are clearly bogus.

 

[SafariTin]

Is it just me or were Afrikaans kids donnered A LOT more than english kids?

A few of my english guy friends have never had hidings from their parents. My brother and I used to show off our purple bruises on our but cheeks at school to compare them to other kids who got caught doing the same naughty stuff that we got the hidings for.

Screw being grounded or getting hit with a hand/slipper/wooden spoon... for us it was 6 of the best with a 1m long, 5cm wide, 2cm thick plank. Did it make me resent my parents? Not for a second. Will I always remember that day? most definitely.

Haha. I remember comparing hidings

I would have taken a hiding over a time-out each and every time. At least with the hiding it was over and done, problem addressed and I got to go outside and play. With a time-out I would sit in my room for an hour and ponder revenge - in a way I think that has taught me forgiveness. Even now, I'll rather confront an issue, discuss it, have it resolved and forgive, instead of holding a grudge for two weeks cause so-and-so doesn't pull his weight.

 

[zippy]

Is it just me or were Afrikaans kids donnered A LOT more than english kids?

A few of my english guy friends have never had hidings from their parents. My brother and I used to show off our purple bruises on our but cheeks at school to compare them to other kids who got caught doing the same naughty stuff that we got the hidings for.

Screw being grounded or getting hit with a hand/slipper/wooden spoon... for us it was 6 of the best with a 1m long, 5cm wide, 2cm thick plank. Did it make me resent my parents? Not for a second. Will I always remember that day? most definitely.

No. I used to get caned every friday for a whole year, because the teacher was an idiot whose idea of education was that we should write a chapter from the excercise book, which I never did. I was always getting caned for other rubbish. My father used to give a smack often, as I always managed to screw something up. I got into many fights at school because I am "vertically challenged" . I learnt to fight real dirty and hurt the bigger guy so damn hard he cant get up, cause if he did(and he did sometimes ), I was in big trouble.

Can you imagine when these youngsters are are running a country and the s***t hits the fan. They are growing up to be major wooses.

 

[guest2013-1]

No. I used to get caned every friday for a whole year, because the teacher was an idiot whose idea of education was that we should write a chapter from the excercise book, which I never did. I was always getting caned for other rubbish. My father used to give a smack often, as I always managed to screw something up. I got into many fights at school because I am "vertically challenged" . I learnt to fight real dirty and hurt the bigger guy so damn hard he cant get up, cause if he did(and he did sometimes ), I was in big trouble.

Can you imagine when these youngsters are are running a country and the s***t hits the fan. They are growing up to be major wooses.

You got hidings every Friday because you disobeyed. Simple

At least I didn't have to resort to violence to keep people off my back...