Am I too young?

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superB

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I've been thinking a lot lately about having kids. I'm not sure that I want anymore (I have a daughter of 6). It's not that I dont love children - I certainly adore my daughter, but I just dont think I want anymore. I'm only 23. Do you think I'm too young to make this decision? For me it's quite important - I know that the relationship that I'm trying to establish at the moment could be seriously affected by this decision.

Should I just put those thoughts on the back burner for now, or is this something I need to take into serious consideration?
 
Have you discussed/considered what the other person actually wants? Does he have kids of his own, or want?

I personally think 23 is too young to decide whether you want or not. You can't really make life choices at that age :/ So much changes from being 20 to 23 and 23 to 26. Most people don't even know what they want at 26!

I'm battling at 28 ...
 
I am not sure i see what the immediate problem is? There is no instant decision that needs to be made. You have alot of time, no need to have a definitive viewpoint right now.

It would be fair to discuss this with ur partner though, because it certainly can change the relationship quite a bit. I definitely want kids, just not for a few years, I am unsure how i would react if my g/f said there is no chance of it....


Dolby said:
I personally think 23 is too young to decide whether you want or not. You can't really make life choices at that age :/ So much changes from being 20 to 23 and 23 to 26. Most people don't even know what they want at 26!

I'm battling at 28 ...
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Cant agree more, on the choices, and on knowing what u want...i dont think i ever will really, i tend to let the good moments pass, then reflect back a few years later and say..wow that was great wish i was back there. rinse and repeat.
 
23? Seriously? I thought you were older...

Yeah, 23 is too young. Besides, that decision should be made while in a relationship, not when single.
 
Well I am trying to re-establish a relationship with my ex. I know he wants kids but I'm not sure I do. I feel like I would be wasting both our time if in 5 years i decide I DONT want kids but he DOES. Basically we would have wasted 5 years of our lives together.

If I knew he was open minded to the option of NOT having kids but was undecided like me - well then that would be a different story...

What to do what to do :/
 
Dolby said:
Have you discussed/considered what the other person actually wants? Does he have kids of his own, or want?

I personally think 23 is too young to decide whether you want or not. You can't really make life choices at that age :/ So much changes from being 20 to 23 and 23 to 26. Most people don't even know what they want at 26!

I'm battling at 28 ...
Click to expand...

I disagree with that though. There are certain things you just know. No matter what age you are. Are there other things I'm not sure of? Absolutely. But I think to make a sweeping statement that I cant make ANY life decisions right now is a bit narrow minded.
 
You're definitely NOT to young to make a decision like that (it's not a permanent decision) and, in fact, you shouldn't postpone it. Either you decide to have more kids now or you decide not to have more kids now. Either way you have to decide. Or you can choose not to decide anything and leave it to fate / chance which I wouldn't recommend..
 
superB said:
Well I am trying to re-establish a relationship with my ex. I know he wants kids but I'm not sure I do. I feel like I would be wasting both our time if in 5 years i decide I DONT want kids but he DOES. Basically we would have wasted 5 years of our lives together.

If I knew he was open minded to the option of NOT having kids but was undecided like me - well then that would be a different story...

What to do what to do :/
Click to expand...

My current g/f was decided she did not want kids when she was with her ex, they broke up, we got together and now we are talking about it. I am not sure if its the relationship or time that changed her mind. But it did change, she went from certain to now wanting in a few years.

basically ur post here is ur answer, u need to speak to him and see how he feels, whilst u are not completely certain, u are strongly towards another way. U obviously feel this relationship is going to last, so start off on the right foot and let him know whats going on in ur head....cause i can guarantee he has no clue
 
superB said:
I disagree with that though. There are certain things you just know. No matter what age you are. Are there other things I'm not sure of? Absolutely. But I think to make a sweeping statement that I cant make ANY life decisions right now is a bit narrow minded.
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superb has already decided? :p
I am 37, and I can tell you that I change my outlook on life roughly every 12 years.
I do not envy your predicament, but be damn sure that you cannot absolutely KNOW what your priorities will be like in 12 years time.
 
Lol dont make another one if you you cant handle the one you got, only when you 100% sure you can sustain the 2 of you should you consider another one, or if you marry rich....
 
Dolby said:
Have you discussed/considered what the other person actually wants? Does he have kids of his own, or want?

I personally think 23 is too young to decide whether you want or not. You can't really make life choices at that age :/ So much changes from being 20 to 23 and 23 to 26. Most people don't even know what they want at 26!

I'm battling at 28 ...
Click to expand...

Not true - I decided in my early twenties, if not earlier, that I didn't want kids. I still don't.

tau1z said:
I am not sure i see what the immediate problem is? There is no instant decision that needs to be made. You have alot of time, no need to have a definitive viewpoint right now.

It would be fair to discuss this with ur partner though, because it certainly can change the relationship quite a bit. I definitely want kids, just not for a few years, I am unsure how i would react if my g/f said there is no chance of it....
Click to expand...

Agree with this 100%.
 
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