Anyone who has a stepfather?

As has been mentioned, things can go both ways.

Whatever you do do NOT try and make the child negative to the other parent.

My own father is not something I wish to discuss but will say this: there is a difference between beating a child bruised/bleeding and just a decent hiding or other punishment.

He was also the person that kept saying "do you know x bad thing about your mother"....

My step-dad on the other hand has always been fair, he also never gave preference to his/my mom's children above us, his step-children.

If we were naughty we got discipline. We all got treats, or no one got. And most of all he loves all of us.

So OP.... You have to decide what type of Dad you want to be....
 
My stepfather was an awesome man, I love him dearly and was a much better father to me than my biological father. My mother divorced him 10 years ago and we don't see much of him. I still carry feelings of resentment because of it. Was a huge loss to my brother and I.
 
Carol35 said:
My stepfather was an awesome man, I love him dearly and was a much better father to me than my biological father. My mother divorced him 10 years ago and we don't see much of him. I still carry feelings of resentment because of it. Was a huge loss to my brother and I.
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Why didn't you stay in touch?
 
Bryn26 said:
Why didn't you stay in touch?
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We do on facebook, xmas sms birthdays etc but he moved on, with a new family now. My mother really hurt him thou, left him for the biggest douche bag alive. Thankfully we had already left home as he would have been the step-father from hell....miserable SOB.
 
Carol35 said:
left him for the biggest douche bag alive
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... Seems women make this mistake often.

Anyway - disliked mine until my real father passed away ... Then we got on. However it's incomparable to a real father even 15 years down the line
 
when i met my second husband, there was a rule in my home. no bad mouthing of my daughters father or any such thing. it would be up to my daughter to find out who or what her father was like herself. the things i endured with her father had nothing to do with her and there was to be absolutely NO mention whatsoever of this to her when i got involved with my second husband. he understood from day one and was a perfect stepfather to her. while her biological father did absolutely nothing for her during her younger life, her stepfather took it upon himself to ensure all her school fees, medical etc was seen to. nothing was ever thrown in her face because of it. my daughter did meet up with her father eventually and she made her own decision that he wasn't a nice person. she doesn't have any contact with him at all now. she chose her stepfather to walk her down the aisle.
 
My step dad is the better father, we're like best friends, I've known him for about 20 years now, which is more than I can say for my biological father
 
After my Parents got divorced my mom married a guy that is two years younger than me.

Does that count?
 
AstroTurf said:
After my Parents got divorced my mom married a guy that is two years younger than me.

Does that count?
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Woah. If you do get along, I wonder what kind of conversations you have. Talk about chicks and stuff like that?:)
 
Fuma said:
Woah. If you do get along, I wonder what kind of conversations you have. Talk about chicks and stuff like that?:)
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lol, from time to time.
I don't speak to my mother as she keeps insulting my wife so any conversations from that side of the world are generally through him.
 
Fuma said:
20 months
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Argh mate. This is just my opinion but I think the stepdad is probably going to be as much a father to your kid as you will be. Like I said its all going to depend on you. Make sure to spend as much time with him/her as humanly possible and if possible try your best to have a friendly relationship with your ex and her husband. The important thing here is to remember that your relationship with your child is tops. To maintain it you're going to have to be exceptionally mature and reasonable. Don't begrudge your wife maintenance and don't let your feelings get in your way.

GL.
 
Hey guys sorry to revive such an old thread but it was the closest one I could find to what I have on my mind. I would like to hear your opinion on the following please..

I married a gal a decade ago and at the time her son stayed with his dad in another city (long story but his dad and grandparents on the dad's side insisted the child grow up with them as my wife was unemployed at the time of the divorce with the ex). After the kid completed high school 5 years ago he moved in with us and we started getting him onto his feet, bought him clothing, gave him cash, cellphones, 2 vehicles, games console, found him a job, took him to interviews and to get his learners license, basically everything you do for a child to get him onto his feet. Also I insisted he move out of the main house and into the garden cottage on my property as he hates his younger brother that his mom and I have together.

The problem is he is a bit of a dead beat, he tells us that he feels too lazy to work, he lies about everything, I mean everything, he steals from us and sells our stuff at the pawn shops, his girlfriend who hates us practically lives here and refuses to acknowledge our existence, the step son can't stand his mother and refuses to talk to her. He refuses to work so is unemployed but I've had it and told him to get his ass out by the 1'st of January 2015. Question is do I still do it though he's unemployed or do I say, stuff it you've had 5 years to find a job so your problem?
 
You've tried your best for 5 years to get the guy on his feet.

If he refuses to do so, and is being a massive liability on your life then kick him out. He will find a way to cope when the chips are down if you ask me.
 
I'm glad you said a massive liability on my life because he drives me nuts, I don't mind the fact that he lives on the property and I pay his lights and water, just the fact that he refuses to work, sells all the vehicles we buy him and treats his mother like sh*t.
 
Kick him to the curb. the longer he stays, the worse he'll get,buying him 2 cars

There is no way he'll see you as an authority figure if you continue allowing him to get away with his behavior
 
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Sometimes a kid needs to be kicked out into the real world to become a grown up but doing that without a support system could be disastrous. If I was you I would sit him down and tell him that its time to stand on his own feet and that his time of taking advantage of you is over but if he ever has legitamate issues you will be there for him provided he comes to you with sulotions and not just problems like an action plan he has given serious though to. Good luck though I am sure you are in for a tough guilt trip.
 
Beachless said:
If I was you I would sit him down and tell him that its time to stand on his own feet and that his time of taking advantage of you is over but if he ever has legitamate issues you will be there for him provided he comes to you with sulotions and not just problems like an action plan he has given serious though to
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Yea I have sat him down, about 10 times over the last 5 years, we've begged, offered support, pleaded with him, threatened him, even asked him to do some research at Damelin and come to us with a plan so that we can put him through college and got nothing from him. When I asked him why he didn't do the research he just said, I dunno. When he threw his well paying job away to go work at the video shop my Mrs begged his old employer to take him back which they did, 2 weeks later he walked out again back to the video shop. I'm starting to think some people want to be bums.

Edit: left the damn video shop job too, now just sits at home all day.
 
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"After the kid completed high school 5 years ago he moved in with us and we started getting him onto his feet, bought him clothing, gave him cash, cellphones, 2 vehicles, games console, found him a job, took him to interviews and to get his learners license, basically everything you do for a child to get him onto his feet."


Sorry to say but you created the monster. Basically gave him everything on a plate and now you expect him to work for it.

And 2 vehicles?

Wtf.
 
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