Bachelor Party

bwana said:
Find something else to do that day.

Or perpetuate the cycle, then it's on you, not her.
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You nailed it as long as I/we toe the line she'll carry on!

Oooh the guilt :crying: but it has to be done.
 
maumau said:
May as well hijack the thread since it's up for grabs:

How do you feel about having your husband's birthday "party" at home, inviting 35 guests and saying "if you don't want to bring a gift, he's going to watch the rugby in Netherlands next year so money is welcome"?

Also BYOB.

I think it's despicable and I paid R500 to sit in a plastic garden chair, no music because it's a complex - R500!!!!

Now she's planning her own birthday party for September and because it's family I feel morally obligated to go.

For me, host/ hostess should pay for the food, even if it's hotdogs or pizza. BYOB is fine and gift is at the guests' discretion.
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Bring and braai's fine, especially if it's for 35 people. The host will then typically provide snacks and maybe dessert. Everyone will typically bring their own drinks as well, but end up drinking what the host provides as well.
This was how we used to do gettogethers until I was probably around 35. Now it's infrequent enough and usually 10 or so people so I feel that I can provide the meat.

And no, you don't invite people over and serve pizza. It's either a braai or some fancy supper type food.

As for the gift... dafaq?
The closest I'll come to asking for a gift is saying that it's a birthday braai. Some will bring something, some wont, and it's all good. Also not cash. It's the thought that counts, not the money/value.
 
maumau said:
That's what happened at the R300 per head event.

My issue here is the assumption of an expensive gift, R300 airtags were the plan from me but his phone isn't compatible so she assumed R500.

Spending lavishly on your own close family is a given but this guy is my niece's husband! She's going to expect at least R500 for her birthday, if not more.
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I've always found spending lavishly on gifts to be stupid, especially if it's a surprise. It will likely not be exactly what the recipient wants. For example, I would be disappointed if I were to receive Beats headphones, or an Xbox Series X, or maybe a new 240hz 1080p gaming monitor, all which sounds great and are popular things, just not what I want.
 
Barbarian Conan said:
I've always found spending lavishly on gifts to be stupid, especially if it's a surprise. It will likely not be exactly what the recipient wants. For example, I would be disappointed if I were to receive Beats headphones, or an Xbox Series X, or maybe a new 240hz 1080p gaming monitor, all which sounds great and are popular things, just not what I want.
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Then sell it.

Reason : Was a gift, not needed.
 
Barbarian Conan said:
I've always found spending lavishly on gifts to be stupid, especially if it's a surprise. It will likely not be exactly what the recipient wants. For example, I would be disappointed if I were to receive Beats headphones, or an Xbox Series X, or maybe a new 240hz 1080p gaming monitor, all which sounds great and are popular things, just not what I want
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You're right people give what they'd like to receive :laugh: but no harm in asking beforehand.

A surprise expensive gift is risky unless the receipt is included with the offer to return for credit.
 
maumau said:
May as well hijack the thread since it's up for grabs:

How do you feel about having your husband's birthday "party" at home, inviting 35 guests and saying "if you don't want to bring a gift, he's going to watch the rugby in Netherlands next year so money is welcome"?
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What?? What Rugby in the NL next year?
 
maumau said:
May as well hijack the thread since it's up for grabs:

How do you feel about having your husband's birthday "party" at home, inviting 35 guests and saying "if you don't want to bring a gift, he's going to watch the rugby in Netherlands next year so money is welcome"?

Also BYOB.

I think it's despicable and I paid R500 to sit in a plastic garden chair, no music because it's a complex - R500!!!!

Now she's planning her own birthday party for September and because it's family I feel morally obligated to go.

For me, host/ hostess should pay for the food, even if it's hotdogs or pizza. BYOB is fine and gift is at the guests' discretion.
Click to expand...

So nothing wrong with BYOB that’s kind of standard form for a house party because everyone has their preference.

Even a bring and braai is just fine, but then you at least provide the sides and some dessert or something and you don’t have an expectation of gifts.

Now with my 40th coming up I’m spending about R750 a head at a venue and I’ve opted for the cash bar option otherwise it just isn’t feasible.

I fully intend to tell people that if they want to do gifts to stick to vouchers at Yuppiechef or Le Creuset because I deeply hate surprises and usually it’s something not at all in my tastes and I have big issues keeping a straight dishonest face when I really don’t like something.

Fortunately all my friends know me like this and in all the years it’s never been an issue. If only my own mother could figure it out by now.

Anyway point is I’m providing all the food and the venue and they just need to look after drinks beyond the first. Won’t say I expect to get gifts, but if I was the one being invited I’d probably spend a R500 it being a 40th and all.
 
Suspect99 said:
Gifts for a birthday party is something to you stop giving when you turn 21.
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I don't expect gifts or want them at all, other than from my wife.

When friends are persistent about buying me a gift I tell them their options are:
  • Use the money to buy us something lekker to eat/drink together
  • Bring dog food/toys that I can donate to the dog shelter
 
bwana said:
Are you sure R500 is enough? 40 is such a special achievement.
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Not sure if sarcasm or serious.

Definitely not a **** spending more than R500 on a birthday and only because it’s a biggish one.

Exception would be a wedding because it’s for two people.

Ultimately the gift varies depending on the effort the party went to…and somewhat depending what I got from the same person previously.
 
maumau said:
Hahaha at serving leftovers. Some people have no shame :laugh:

Had guests who told us they'd instructed their teenage children to eat as much as they could because they couldn't afford to eat like that at home, then asked to take pudding home for the next day.

Oh ja, so- and- so couldn't come but we'll take a plate of dinner for him/her - mounds food onto plate.

This particular family member is planning another 2 "events" this year. Think I'll pick a fight until after xmas :ROFL:
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Family. You don't get to choose them. In-laws are even worse, they seem to really want to nail the first point home.
 
Barbarian Conan said:
Bring and braai's fine, especially if it's for 35 people. The host will then typically provide snacks and maybe dessert. Everyone will typically bring their own drinks as well, but end up drinking what the host provides as well.
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Least that one can do is beers and wine, maybe a bowl or two of punch (and only if all are sleeping over).
 
Barbarian Conan said:
I've always found spending lavishly on gifts to be stupid, especially if it's a surprise. It will likely not be exactly what the recipient wants. For example, I would be disappointed if I were to receive Beats headphones, or an Xbox Series X, or maybe a new 240hz 1080p gaming monitor, all which sounds great and are popular things, just not what I want.
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Yeah, you end up receiving what that person really values highly, or what they secretly want (and therefore think everyone wants). Like the idiot who gave me an 800 page vegan cookbook :rolleyes: or a bald guy receiving a voucher for a perm.

Makes you feel like the one legged guy in an ass-kicking competition.
 
RonSwanson said:
Yeah, you end up receiving what that person really values highly, or what they secretly want (and therefore think everyone wants). Like the idiot who gave me an 800 page vegan cookbook :rolleyes: or a bald guy receiving a voucher for a perm.

Makes you feel like the one legged guy in an ass-kicking competition.
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Like my ex who gave me a telescope to watch the stars.... I was like WTF ? Does it look like i want to watch the stars ?
 
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