Child Maintenance/support

[CAPS LOCK]

from a guy who is going through a divorce, it's a standard thing that is put into a contract. they take the cost ofthe number of people living in a household(ie. parent and kid) and then factor that into it. i am still confused by all of it but there is no set fee, you take costs into account and you and your ex have to contribute to them equally, but if you are looking after a child then you are already contributing most of your money towards the child, so the other parent ahs to make up for what they don't spend being the primary caregiver

My Divorce was 10 years ago, the court ordered R500 p/m. I should revert to that amount and wait for her "nails against the chalkboard" screech

I guess I will increase it. I would like to increase the amount because I want to, not because I have to. If that makes sense.

 

[Humberto]

When the parents were married the cost of raising the child was not necessarily split 50:50 so why should it be when the parents are divorced? I think it should be split according to the income of the parents with hidden expenses factored in.

 

[mooks]

The parent who has custody of the child has additional hidden expenses (for example the need for a bigger house) so I'm not sure that a 50:50 division of the child's expenses is fair either.

That's usually included in the negotiations for the final amount in my experience. My madams father has never balked at any additional expense. That said, I can count on one hand the number of times I've asked for anything extra to the standard monthly payment. Also, he pays her flights when she sees him (I will normally give her some spending money but they cover the rest).

I do know that I have been pretty lucky in this regard - her dad is quite a stand up guy when it comes to his offspring.

 

[CAPS LOCK]

Not having your child around is an emotional "expense", How do you replenish that?

A divorce decree should have a clause regarding the custodial parent moving away.

 

[CAPS LOCK]

That's usually included in the negotiations for the final amount in my experience. That said, my madams father has never balked at any expense. That said, I can count on one hand the number of times I've asked for anything extra to the standard monthly payment. Also, he pays her flights when she sees him (I will normally give her some spending money but they cover the rest).

I do know that I have been pretty lucky in this regard - her dad is quite a stand up guy when it comes to his offspring.

Sounds just like me.......Susan is that you?

 

[Stefanmuller]

The parent who has custody of the child has additional hidden expenses (for example the need for a bigger house) so I'm not sure that a 50:50 division of the child's expenses is fair either.

True, but on the other hand the person without custody doesn't get to spend nearly as much time with his child, but has to pay more. It is like paying for a car while someone else drives it.

 

[mooks]

True, but on the other hand the person without custody doesn't get to spend nearly as much time with his child, but has to pay more. It is like paying for a car while someone else drives it.

.......... lollies. Children are not cars silly Stefanmuller . The level of your responsibility to your child is not dependent on how much time you get to spend with them. Children should not have to pay (in whichever way it transpires) for the (lack of) relationship between the parents. By that logic would you put the maintenance on a sliding scale? Every second weekend is say 14,3% of the childs 'availability' in a 2 week cycle, therefore you would pay what? 14,3% of his/her living expenses? 25% if you're feeling generous?

 

[CAPS LOCK]

True, but on the other hand the person without custody doesn't get to spend nearly as much time with his child, but has to pay more. It is like paying for a car while someone else drives it.

That's why I alluded to an "emotional expense". However, I personally would never ever consider/want to trade my "emotional expense" with the tangible expensive, that would be to the kid's detriment, which would aggravate that "emotional expense" even more.

 

[Sensorei]

I have a close friend who earns about R25k and he pays R4000 maintenance for a 9 year old but he is a sucker when it comes to the ex. Another good friend says he pays about R3500 for his 3 year old and he earns about R50k. I think they are both being screwed.

 

[ChilliGirl]

I have a close friend who earns about R25k and he pays R4000 maintenance for a 9 year old but he is a sucker when it comes to the ex. Another good friend says he pays about R3500 for his 3 year old and he earns about R50k. I think they are both being screwed.

If the children are in private schools that will not even cover their school fees.

So if the fees are R4500 = R2250

Leaving R1250 for food, clothes, med aid etc.
Make it R2500 if all pay the same.

 

[Other Pineapple Smurf]

What's the going rate (maintenance) for a teenager?

I know that the amount will vary depending on each person's personal circumstances. I would like to get a "guage" on what the norm is nowadays.

I pay R2000.00 a month. Then I pay half for school books, extra-curricular school activities and school stationery etc.

....]

There is no norm and your income is not always a factor. You as a parent need to provide for your kids and the state will decide on what you should contribute.

The State looks beyond your income and will even take into consideration your parents income as they are also legally responsible for your children. I was discussing this topic recently with a divorce lawyer and a judge and it gets very interesting. Important thing is never to skip a payment.

In my situation I've always paid my daughters school fees, her cellphone and buy her big items like laptops, console games, etc.

I've also got a 42yr old friend who was earning R5K a month when he got divorced last year, court did not accept his "lack" of income as an excuse not to pay a proper maintenance of R2,5K per child. In the end it was actually a good thing as the court kicked his lazy arse and now he has a proper job and is paying for kids for the first time.

 

[Other Pineapple Smurf]

....

I know there are some c**t fathers out there that don't pay anything but don't paint all of them with the same brush. I see a lot of fathers getting the short end of the stick and they are definitely not shirking their responsibility.
...

The probability of a mother not paying maintenance is higher than a father but I'm in no way defending these #$#@$'ers. It just pisses me off that parents feel that once divorced they no longer need to care for their kids.

It always gets me when I'm at a braai and some #@#@$er starts to boast at how he skips maintenance payments, or sometimes not pay them at all. I always take them on in front of others. I cannot say if I convince these guys to start paying but I do get it right to make sure these guys are so embarrassed that they will never boast about it again.

 

[Freaksta]

Interesting topic, surely this is also based on what was spent in the past? If a family of 3 was earning 60k pm and living a relatively waste free life, public school bla bla, and the child wasn't costing more than 3000pm then would they force one parent to pay R3000-5000 a month?

Why must a divorce increase quality of life?

EDIT:

where the father gets a promotion and more pay but neglects to increase his maintenance payments (sad but often true).

From the article, I don't get this? So because he is earning more money it would be spent on the children?

 

[Sensorei]

If the children are in private schools that will not even cover their school fees.

So if the fees are R4500 = R2250

Leaving R1250 for food, clothes, med aid etc.
Make it R2500 if all pay the same.

Not a private school. School fees are R1400 per month and he pays her medical on top of maintenance. He's definitely paying too much but the b1tch ex bad mouths him to his kid if he doesn't do what she says.

 

[Celine]

I'm not saying all women are like this (I know few that got divorced and wanted nothing) but I reckon men get a bad deal these days. We're not all angels but I reckon the majority of fathers will move mountains for their kids yet they don;t get the same rights.

ponder - my thoughts on why men get a raw deal in this is that the woman doesn't know how to move on quite frankly. they hold the child/children as a tool. i think some women just become bitter and twisted and this is one way of getting back at the man.

look don't get me wrong - i think i had a raw deal in my first marriage etc and so forth, but that doesn't make it that i should hold the child like a carrot dangling.

blu - the answer to your question/statement, in my case i just wanted to move on with my life. it wasn't only maintenance i didn't ask for, i gave him everything in the divorce. the house, car, furniture the works. i walked away with nothing except the clothes on my back and started over. he on the other hand got nasty with the divorce even though he got everything. it's all material stuff at the end of the day.

 

[ponder]

The probability of a mother not paying maintenance is higher than a father but I'm in no way defending these #$#@$'ers. It just pisses me off that parents feel that once divorced they no longer need to care for their kids.

It always gets me when I'm at a braai and some #@#@$er starts to boast at how he skips maintenance payments, or sometimes not pay them at all. I always take them on in front of others. I cannot say if I convince these guys to start paying but I do get it right to make sure these guys are so embarrassed that they will never boast about it again.

+1

 

[HavocXphere]

The kids also tend to play the parents off against each other to gain financially, so even if the court doesn't order it the actual expenditure is going to be sky-high just to keep up.

/not me...from observing others

 

[ChilliGirl]

Not a private school. School fees are R1400 per month and he pays her medical on top of maintenance. He's definitely paying too much but the b1tch ex bad mouths him to his kid if he doesn't do what she says.

It might be very difficult....

But

He needs to be the better person. My parents are divorced. My father wallowed, bitched and moaned. My mother did not.

10 points for guessing with who we have a better relationship, now that we are adults.

 

[Sensorei]

It might be very difficult....

But

He needs to be the better person. My parents are divorced. My father wallowed, bitched and moaned. My mother did not.

10 points for guessing with who we have a better relationship, now that we are adults.

Yep, true. I'm in the same position with my parents.

 

[TelkomUseless]

ponder - my thoughts on why men get a raw deal in this is that the woman doesn't know how to move on quite frankly. they hold the child/children as a tool. i think some women just become bitter and twisted and this is one way of getting back at the man.

.

You talking about my brother's ex wife. She will be sour/bitter/twister/revengefull till the day she dies.