scryed1984
Active Member
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2014
- Messages
- 32
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I’d like to begin with a bit of history.
My girlfriend (I refer to her as my wife since our parents are always saying we’ve been through more in 3 years than most people in 20 years) She has two children living with us.
She had fled from her ex-husband a year before I met her. He is an alcoholic, dug user with a couple of hundred thousand rand in drug debt and child molester. He’s assaulted them multiple times including throwing a bed at a 1 year old toddler.
She was living in a small flat where I was afraid to park my car outside, with virtually no furniture. She was living off a salary that wouldn’t even cover my fuel usages.
That being said she is the most loving person I’ve met in my life. She’s loyal, extremely caring and the most honest person I’ve met in my life.
When I met her, her kids were taken away from her against all of their wills by welfare who said she was an unfit mother.
I’ve had many sleepless nights and stress that I’ve never known existed. But after months of therapy, legal battles and everything we managed to get the kids back. I got us a nice place on a plot with as much running space as any kid can dream off, with ‘n pool braai areas and everything.
The children soon had things that they’ve never had. Jumping castles for parties and someone who loved them.
Now I’ve been raised with a stern hand when I was young. I got regular beatings as a kid and some that was definitely abuse like getting my head thrown to the ground so I know the difference between abuse and discipline. Physical discipline is not always my first choice and I’ve sat with child psychologist about different ways on discipline.
The taking away of things you like, the let me talk to you like a grownup way, the rewards system way. All of them having starting off good but quickly failing (only with the older child who’s 9). Sometimes a good spanking is all that helps.
I had the opportunity to finally meet the last of my wife’s family over December. Every single member of the family, young and old had nothing but good things to say about the improvement they could see in my wife and her kids. The looked healthy, they had a lot more respect and they listened and looked up to me tremendously (the last one I still don’t quite understand or see?)
Now I could say a lot more, but this since I’ve never bothered writhing anything meaningful or this long I’d like to get to the point.
Last week the 9 year old was in one of her moods again and was very disrespectful towards her mother. She also hit her brother with a cricket bat out of spite chipping one of her teeth, and stole R200 from my wallet. So I decided it was getting out of hand and a spanking was in order. Now I’ve learned from my grandfather that 1. You don’t hit out of anger and 2. Make sure before or after that the child knows why they got a hiding and that you still love them.
So I waited till the evening and told her to go to her room when it was time. I eventually gave her, her 3 hidings and that was that.
Now this is where it gets fun…..
That Monday she decided to use her special gift (and that’s to cry like a movie star at will) and went and showed as many teachers as she could, including the psychologist that she got a hiding telling them that: ( she has no idea why she got an hiding. There’s no food or cool drinks in the house and she never gets lunch and so on)
They got welfare involved and we are being called out of work 2 – 3 times a week. If this goes on my wife will lose her job as they just see this as an inconvenience to them. Welfare decided to open up a case of assault against us/me I don’t even know anymore. ( she has a personal thing against us because she was the same person who was involved with my wife 3 years ago and she almost lost her job because she did not follow protocol or follow up.
If I get any kind of record on my name that would be the end of my career as I work in very sensitive areas.
At this stage I’m barely at home as I don’t even want to see the child and neither does any of our family members. Regardless of the outcome this would most likely be the end of our relationship as I don’t see myself living under the same roof as this child again.
So at the end of the day she will have ruined a couple of lives including her own as I’m not sure what would happen once I leave.
That all being said this was more a way for me to let it all out a bit.. call it my own therapy. But I’d like to know what you guys out there think.
My girlfriend (I refer to her as my wife since our parents are always saying we’ve been through more in 3 years than most people in 20 years) She has two children living with us.
She had fled from her ex-husband a year before I met her. He is an alcoholic, dug user with a couple of hundred thousand rand in drug debt and child molester. He’s assaulted them multiple times including throwing a bed at a 1 year old toddler.
She was living in a small flat where I was afraid to park my car outside, with virtually no furniture. She was living off a salary that wouldn’t even cover my fuel usages.
That being said she is the most loving person I’ve met in my life. She’s loyal, extremely caring and the most honest person I’ve met in my life.
When I met her, her kids were taken away from her against all of their wills by welfare who said she was an unfit mother.
I’ve had many sleepless nights and stress that I’ve never known existed. But after months of therapy, legal battles and everything we managed to get the kids back. I got us a nice place on a plot with as much running space as any kid can dream off, with ‘n pool braai areas and everything.
The children soon had things that they’ve never had. Jumping castles for parties and someone who loved them.
Now I’ve been raised with a stern hand when I was young. I got regular beatings as a kid and some that was definitely abuse like getting my head thrown to the ground so I know the difference between abuse and discipline. Physical discipline is not always my first choice and I’ve sat with child psychologist about different ways on discipline.
The taking away of things you like, the let me talk to you like a grownup way, the rewards system way. All of them having starting off good but quickly failing (only with the older child who’s 9). Sometimes a good spanking is all that helps.
I had the opportunity to finally meet the last of my wife’s family over December. Every single member of the family, young and old had nothing but good things to say about the improvement they could see in my wife and her kids. The looked healthy, they had a lot more respect and they listened and looked up to me tremendously (the last one I still don’t quite understand or see?)
Now I could say a lot more, but this since I’ve never bothered writhing anything meaningful or this long I’d like to get to the point.
Last week the 9 year old was in one of her moods again and was very disrespectful towards her mother. She also hit her brother with a cricket bat out of spite chipping one of her teeth, and stole R200 from my wallet. So I decided it was getting out of hand and a spanking was in order. Now I’ve learned from my grandfather that 1. You don’t hit out of anger and 2. Make sure before or after that the child knows why they got a hiding and that you still love them.
So I waited till the evening and told her to go to her room when it was time. I eventually gave her, her 3 hidings and that was that.
Now this is where it gets fun…..
That Monday she decided to use her special gift (and that’s to cry like a movie star at will) and went and showed as many teachers as she could, including the psychologist that she got a hiding telling them that: ( she has no idea why she got an hiding. There’s no food or cool drinks in the house and she never gets lunch and so on)
They got welfare involved and we are being called out of work 2 – 3 times a week. If this goes on my wife will lose her job as they just see this as an inconvenience to them. Welfare decided to open up a case of assault against us/me I don’t even know anymore. ( she has a personal thing against us because she was the same person who was involved with my wife 3 years ago and she almost lost her job because she did not follow protocol or follow up.
If I get any kind of record on my name that would be the end of my career as I work in very sensitive areas.
At this stage I’m barely at home as I don’t even want to see the child and neither does any of our family members. Regardless of the outcome this would most likely be the end of our relationship as I don’t see myself living under the same roof as this child again.
So at the end of the day she will have ruined a couple of lives including her own as I’m not sure what would happen once I leave.
That all being said this was more a way for me to let it all out a bit.. call it my own therapy. But I’d like to know what you guys out there think.
My daughter is still too young. Neither have ever been spanked, my son is very respectful to elders and does not have behaviour issues.