Dealing with depression

[blue-eye-boy]

After a few years of which I think I have depression, I really think I have to do something about it. Like many people, I thought I can handle it without help, but I think I've had enough. I have a lovely wife and 2 gourgeous children. Today I thought, hell so many people I know would kill for what I have, but still I cant seem to get myself to smile. At work I'm the moaning one, so many times loosing my temper so bad, and at home too. And I really do not want to be like this. I want to be a loving husband, and loving dad.

Why I always steered away from pills, is my parents are both on anti-depressants, Cylift, and I have seen them both getting older very quickly. I'm Afrikaans, so bear with me explaining. My mom was always on top of things, remembering everything from telephone numbers, right down to their bank balance, and my dad the same. My dad is always complaining that hes so tired, sleeping their weekends through, etc etc. So one day I mentioned this to a doctor, because it worried me about my mom especially. he told me that every anti depressant will eventually suppress your brain, hope I explain myself good? Thus leaving you forgetting easily, feeling tired, not mentally so sharp, and so on. Is this true?

So if I want help, where do one start? Normal gp, shrink?

Thanks

 

[ClintZA]

Do you get regular exercise? I know it is often the last thing someone feels like doing but in my experience it really does work. Get out there and ride a bike or run.

 

[killadoob]

Do not go to your normal GP, he will hand you some random shyte and send you on your way.

Do you work in a pressurized job? Do the wife and kids give you some alone time?

Look at your life and what could be causing the anger, turning to meds because life is little rough is silly. Go to a shrink but ensure the first few sessions are about your life and not about handing out some tablets to magically make your life better. Granted for some people they do work but you don't seem like you need meds.

Tell me, do you look at everything in a negative way? Do you ever find positives in bad situation or just negatives? A postive attitude is often the best cure for anger/stress.

 

[AlphaJohn]

Start with a proper diet and exercise.

Also do not dwell on things you can not change esp if its way in the future. Be mindful and live in the moment, if your thoughts start to drift to the negative do what my good old friend Bob told me, just stop it.

 

[blue-eye-boy]

Yes I know, problem is I start 6h00 in the mornings, and most of the time till 6 in the afternoon. Butchery business is tough. Then I know I can exercise in the evenings, but what do I have of my children then. And on top of it all I have a knee thats not lekker. 2 years ago I started jogging for 2 weeks, and had the worst time with this knee. When I stopped jogging, it got better again. Do I seem buggered or what?

 

[DigitalSoldier]

jacqvt, go and see a shrink.

a normal gp or psychiatrist will just throw pills at you, where as with a shrink they will help you to get to the bottom of your issues.

I went to see a shrink earlier this year and she helped me a lot. She did write a letter to my gp asking him to prescribe Venlor and Alzam to me. The doctor prescribed the pills, but I still have to see the shrink to work through the issues.

I only took Alzam for a week though as its a very dangerous drug.

 

[ClintZA]

Yes I know, problem is I start 6h00 in the mornings, and most of the time till 6 in the afternoon. Butchery business is tough. Then I know I can exercise in the evenings, but what do I have of my children then. And on top of it all I have a knee thats not lekker. 2 years ago I started jogging for 2 weeks, and had the worst time with this knee. When I stopped jogging, it got better again. Do I seem buggered or what?

You really need to make an effort to sneak away from the business for an hour or two during the day. If the knees cannot take running the look into swimming or cycling (depending on that knee issue).

The time away from work may also help the depression.

 

[copacetic]

http://mybroadband.co.za/vb/showthread.php/440843-Depression?p=8422087#post8422087

 

[copacetic]

I am using Cilift, as it happens, and it has done nothing bad to me at all - No negative consequences after a year or so of use.

It has helped a HELL of a lot with the depression, is all I can say.

But as everyone says - Don't just let a GP chuck pills at you, go see a professional who is qualified to help.

 

[maumau]

...... Thus leaving you forgetting easily, feeling tired, not mentally so sharp, and so on. Is this true?

i don't think it's true. i've been on cipralex for years and maintain my rapier like wit.

seriously though, if anti-depressants help why not take them. you'll sleep better, feel relaxed and enjoy life more. we're all getting older but i empathise with you noticing your parents age and feeling miserable, it's a horrible thing to become aware of.

keep us posted and feel free to share.

 

[Albereth]

Yes I know, problem is I start 6h00 in the mornings, and most of the time till 6 in the afternoon. Butchery business is tough. Then I know I can exercise in the evenings, but what do I have of my children then. And on top of it all I have a knee thats not lekker. 2 years ago I started jogging for 2 weeks, and had the worst time with this knee. When I stopped jogging, it got better again. Do I seem buggered or what?

Try cycling and include the family too. Less impact on your joints

 

[blue-eye-boy]

Okay, thing is, things where hectic for many years. Especially the last 2,5 years. I made a very bad decision 11 years ago, ruining my life for 8 years. details of that isn't needed, just I had to work part time very hard, and I think that also cracked me in a way. Then I got a better offer, buying this business in partnership with my dad. So here I am 2,5 years later, and wished I never did it. To make a long story short, my dad managed this business for his brother, and I knew there was many many fights between them, I always thought my dad's brother was the wrong one. Now I know that it was actually my dad. Now I'm bound to this business, and I know for a fact that if I leave him and my mom alone in this business, they will not survive. And it is not me that said that first, our staff feels the same. So if I go, I know I will leave my parents with nothing, and shooting myself in the foot, for this as actually a good future for me and my family, if we pull t through till my parents retire. And according to my dad he is still fit to go on for the next 10 years, I know that he wont even life that long, he is actually a sinking ship medically. And to make it all worse, my dad puts all the weight on me, because as he says, he had his time. And I did talk to him about this, and we had many many fights about things like this the past 2 years, and he's not seeing my point. So bottom line is, I cant really do anything to get me out of this situation, I'll just have to pull through.

 

[killadoob]

Okay, thing is, things where hectic for many years. Especially the last 2,5 years. I made a very bad decision 11 years ago, ruining my life for 8 years. details of that isn't needed, just I had to work part time very hard, and I think that also cracked me in a way. Then I got a better offer, buying this business in partnership with my dad. So here I am 2,5 years later, and wished I never did it. To make a long story short, my dad managed this business for his brother, and I knew there was many many fights between them, I always thought my dad's brother was the wrong one. Now I know that it was actually my dad. Now I'm bound to this business, and I know for a fact that if I leave him and my mom alone in this business, they will not survive. And it is not me that said that first, our staff feels the same. So if I go, I know I will leave my parents with nothing, and shooting myself in the foot, for this as actually a good future for me and my family, if we pull t through till my parents retire. And according to my dad he is still fit to go on for the next 10 years, I know that he wont even life that long, he is actually a sinking ship medically. And to make it all worse, my dad puts all the weight on me, because as he says, he had his time. And I did talk to him about this, and we had many many fights about things like this the past 2 years, and he's not seeing my point. So bottom line is, I cant really do anything to get me out of this situation, I'll just have to pull through.

I am not exactly the best grammar, speller or English person but you gotta be using paragraphs dude .

Sounds to me like you are in a situation that you can only see negatives, get some positive thoughts going bud. You'll be fine.

Positives aplenty as well, wife, kids and a job. Stop thinking about how bad things are and start thinking how good things are. Ignore doctors and focus on positive energy. You don't need a shrink or drugs so get that thought out of your mind, it sounds so nice,pop a pill and happiness comes but it doesn't work like that.

 

[copacetic]

I am not exactly the best grammar, speller or English person but you gotta be using paragraphs dude .

Sounds to me like you are in a situation that you can only see negatives, get some positive thoughts going bud. You'll be fine.

Positives aplenty as well, wife, kids and a job. Stop thinking about how bad things are and start thinking how good things are. Ignore doctors and focus on positive energy. You don't need a shrink or drugs so get that thought out of your mind, it sounds so nice,pop a pill and happiness comes but it doesn't work like that.

Depression can be greatly helped by pills, and it pisses me the **** off when people say otherwise - I suffered and slogged through a decade of misery because I took advice like that.

That said, this chap sounds like he has situational issues - And in that case, of course, no pill is going to fix that.

 

[maumau]

well said copa.

 

[Freaksta]

Yes I know, problem is I start 6h00 in the mornings, and most of the time till 6 in the afternoon. Butchery business is tough. Then I know I can exercise in the evenings, but what do I have of my children then. And on top of it all I have a knee thats not lekker. 2 years ago I started jogging for 2 weeks, and had the worst time with this knee. When I stopped jogging, it got better again. Do I seem buggered or what?

Try cycling in the evenings, try get your kids to join you? Mountain biking is very fun and you get to see some great landscape! You can do it on weekends only if need be. Diet is also quite important so look into your own if you're unhealthy.

If you don't want pills go see a psychologist and not a psychiatrist, although you will still get psychologists that will refer you to a doctor. There are many more people now a days in high stress positions/jobs who feel just like you, so you're not alone.

I dont remember 100% what you said about the business shareholding, but have you tried to approach you partner/father/brother and see if you can either take on more control or buy them out. Sounds like the business is a good one, but is taking a lot of your time, maybe you need to try workout a scheme where on a Tuesday you can get the afternoon off leaving more responsibility to a partner or a manager and on a WED the roles are reversed, which will allow you to go home a bit earlier and spend time with the family, do some exercise etc.

Sounds like you spend far to much time working and not enough enjoying life! We live in a world where it is normal to slave away to live the way we do with very little time to live LIFE...

 

[blue-eye-boy]

I am not exactly the best grammar, speller or English person but you gotta be using paragraphs dude .

Sounds to me like you are in a situation that you can only see negatives, get some positive thoughts going bud. You'll be fine.

Positives aplenty as well, wife, kids and a job. Stop thinking about how bad things are and start thinking how good things are. Ignore doctors and focus on positive energy. You don't need a shrink or drugs so get that thought out of your mind, it sounds so nice,pop a pill and happiness comes but it doesn't work like that.

Sorry for that, it just came all bubbly out. I know I have to see the positive in all this, but hell it's so difficult. I dont want to pin point all of this to my dad, there is many other factors as well. But hell my dad makes my life difficult.

As manager, I'm responsible for the workplace health and safety, which includes a lot of safety rules. Then I start getting it all in order, it's a big butchery, so there's a lot of dangerous machinery, and all of this takes time. Then some stupid machine breaks, and I must repair it, because its too expensive to get someone to do it, and when he managed the butchery, he did it. Then I start with the health and safety act again, then I needs to sort out something about our clocking system first, my mother just say she dont want to know how to maintain it, so I needs to do it. Then I must attend union meetings. I want to help the staff with their complaints, my dad says no, we wont, so in their eyes, I'm the pig. Then my dad needs someone to sort out an employee he doesn't like, guess who must be the pig? Then this employee resigns, and even her parents phoned me, telling me how bad person i am. I can not tell them the truth that it wasn't me, because then my dad is cross with me again, and we fight again.

This butchery also have a "kitchen department" as we call it. There they bake all kinds of lekker cakes and eats. I know that that department have much potential to grow, he says no. He always tells me how bad the butchery side of things are. If he goes on holiday, all the problems I need to sort out, is in his kitchen.

And so I can go on and on. My wife also works with me, admin department, and she also has to go through all of this.

A year ago I made my dad an offer to buy his share of the business, so he can retire. Then he went on about how I just want to force him out, and it was his dream too to have such a business, etc etc. So I am really in a catch 22 situation, and wish I had a plan. When some day he retire, I know things will change, 90 % of the employees is also behind me and my wife. Then I can get someone to help me too.

 

[Pooky]

Depression can be greatly helped by pills, and it pisses me the **** off when people say otherwise - I suffered and slogged through a decade of misery because I took advice like that.

That said, this chap sounds like he has situational issues - And in that case, of course, no pill is going to fix that.

The problem is one becomes reliant on the pills. I think there is definitely a place for certain medication depending on the problem, but most of the time they do more harm than good. It's like a false sense of something, which often can be sorted out with other means.

 

[blue-eye-boy]

Try cycling in the evenings, try get your kids to join you? Mountain biking is very fun and you get to see some great landscape! You can do it on weekends only if need be. Diet is also quite important so look into your own if you're unhealthy.

If you don't want pills go see a psychologist and not a psychiatrist, although you will still get psychologists that will refer you to a doctor. There are many more people now a days in high stress positions/jobs who feel just like you, so you're not alone.

I dont remember 100% what you said about the business shareholding, but have you tried to approach you partner/father/brother and see if you can either take on more control or buy them out. Sounds like the business is a good one, but is taking a lot of your time, maybe you need to try workout a scheme where on a Tuesday you can get the afternoon off leaving more responsibility to a partner or a manager and on a WED the roles are reversed, which will allow you to go home a bit earlier and spend time with the family, do some exercise etc.

Sounds like you spend far to much time working and not enough enjoying life! We live in a world where it is normal to slave away to live the way we do with very little time to live LIFE...

My kids are 4 years, and the other one 2 years old, a bit difficult to handle at this age But yes, I know I have to get out more. I do take off on Tuesday afternoons, but still, 6 to 6 is a long day every day. Thing is with older people, they always have the saying, "but I did it and I didn't die", so thats why it doesn't help to tell my dad I'm tired.

 

[Freaksta]

Sorry for that, it just came all bubbly out. I know I have to see the positive in all this, but hell it's so difficult. I dont want to pin point all of this to my dad, there is many other factors as well. But hell my dad makes my life difficult.

As manager, I'm responsible for the workplace health and safety, which includes a lot of safety rules. Then I start getting it all in order, it's a big butchery, so there's a lot of dangerous machinery, and all of this takes time. Then some stupid machine breaks, and I must repair it, because its too expensive to get someone to do it, and when he managed the butchery, he did it. Then I start with the health and safety act again, then I needs to sort out something about our clocking system first, my mother just say she dont want to know how to maintain it, so I needs to do it. Then I must attend union meetings. I want to help the staff with their complaints, my dad says no, we wont, so in their eyes, I'm the pig. Then my dad needs someone to sort out an employee he doesn't like, guess who must be the pig? Then this employee resigns, and even her parents phoned me, telling me how bad person i am. I can not tell them the truth that it wasn't me, because then my dad is cross with me again, and we fight again.

This butchery also have a "kitchen department" as we call it. There they bake all kinds of lekker cakes and eats. I know that that department have much potential to grow, he says no. He always tells me how bad the butchery side of things are. If he goes on holiday, all the problems I need to sort out, is in his kitchen.

And so I can go on and on. My wife also works with me, admin department, and she also has to go through all of this.

A year ago I made my dad an offer to buy his share of the business, so he can retire. Then he went on about how I just want to force him out, and it was his dream too to have such a business, etc etc. So I am really in a catch 22 situation, and wish I had a plan. When some day he retire, I know things will change, 90 % of the employees is also behind me and my wife. Then I can get someone to help me too.

Very hard to reason with people, but it sounds like you need to chat with your dad without either of you getting hot headed... Try setup a meeting and explain to him as you have above, let him know it's putting a stress on your home life etc as best your can. Not easy to do but it sounds like that's the most complex relationship that's bring up the troubles. In the end explain to him that you are trying to make both you and him more happy, and that you would like to have a better business relationship with him!