copacetic
King of the Hippies
Hello all.
I was diagnosed many years ago with clinical depression.
In many respects I have a great slot in this world - A wonderful family, a group of friends that are some of the most fantastic people on the planet, in my opinion, and unlike many billions of people, I have opportunities that many will never know.
That said, I have been struggling with this medical condition, and all that comes with it, and as a consequence, there are aspects to my life that are, shall we say, moderately disastrous, but nothing that cannot be patched up, as time goes on.
The reason for this thread is... I guess I just want to offer a bit of advice to anyone who might secretly (or openly for that matter) be struggling with the same sort of issues.
To clarify, my depression manifested in the following ways:
And then just general stuff - Not treating those around me well when I felt awful, abdicating responsibilities left right and centre because I felt I was unable to cope. Not looking after my personal appearance to any degree. Being unorganized and unable to focus. Anyway, the list goes on and on, and the details are not important to what I am trying to convey here.
***
Okay, that's the bad, now for the slightly better:
About a year ago I finally decided to try antidepressant medication. This was a big decision, which I made extremely reluctantly, as I was mostly in the dark about these chemicals, and my feelings towards them was that they were for 'weak' and 'broken' people.
About 8 months go by, and I am feeling better, certainly, but not 'fixed' (although, who is 'fixed', is there such a state?
).
Now, since my teenage years, I've been a fairly heavy drinker. Alcohol and depression, are a BIG no-no, and there is a great load of data that shows a close connection between depressed people, and substance abuse.
Given my ancestral history, and my own behaviour, I recognized, and still accept that I am one of those 'addictive' personalities, and I need to be very careful when it comes to any drug.
Right, so, going back a bit, I had been trying to stop drinking for many years already (mostly due to recognizing my own behaviour beginning to mirror that of the alcoholics in my family), but failed again and again and again. So, I undertook to book myself into a drug rehab.
So, about half a year or so ago I spent three weeks in a rehab (talk about disclosure, but who gives a ****, eh?). It was a great experience, and since then I've had three glasses of sparkling wine, and 2 light beers. I think, finally, that this is one demon I have vanquished.
As part of the ethos of that particular rehab centre, they suggested I try not use antidepressants, and rather try use exercise as a way to deal with the depression (which is not bad advice, it can and does work for many people), and I, impulsively as usual, cold-turkeyed the medication, which was one hell of a disturbing (yet interesting) experience (I did this a month or two before actually going to the centre, so about 8 months or so ago).
Which led to one of the most godawful episodes of depression I've ever dealt with (common, when stopping medication).
Oops.
So, fast-forward - Here I am, my life is a mess, but I, for really the first time in about 15 years am feeling content, driven, and somewhat positive about the future. It is a wonderful feeling, and for those who feel like this more often than not, count your damned blessings, take it from me.
How have I managed to do this?
Last words... Don't ever be ashamed to ask those around you for help, always talk about how you are feeling if you need to, and don't be scared of medication, if it's necessary.
There's enough suffering in the world, to needlessly expose yourself to it, if you can avoid it. Plus, one functional and happy person leads to more functional and happy people, and part of our duties as a fellow human being is being able to step up and uplift those around us.
tl:dr - I was forced at gunpoint to make love to a billy goat last night, and now I've got a really strange rash on my penis and I don't know what to do. Further, the dwarf who orchestrated the whole thing is demanding money, which I don't have, otherwise he's going to put a video of the event on the internet.
Help!
I was diagnosed many years ago with clinical depression.
In many respects I have a great slot in this world - A wonderful family, a group of friends that are some of the most fantastic people on the planet, in my opinion, and unlike many billions of people, I have opportunities that many will never know.
That said, I have been struggling with this medical condition, and all that comes with it, and as a consequence, there are aspects to my life that are, shall we say, moderately disastrous, but nothing that cannot be patched up, as time goes on.
The reason for this thread is... I guess I just want to offer a bit of advice to anyone who might secretly (or openly for that matter) be struggling with the same sort of issues.
To clarify, my depression manifested in the following ways:
- No self confidence - None, nada, zilch. Just a lifetime of self-loathing. Lame, I know.
- Anxiety - Crippling, and awful. A terrible way to live. I am/was a professional worrier; about myself, my health, my situation, my friends and family, the state of the world, the list is endless.
- Inability to forward plan - Since I spent most of my life being darkly fatalistic about the future, I made bad decisions about most of the normal, practical things human beings do to survive in this world.
And then just general stuff - Not treating those around me well when I felt awful, abdicating responsibilities left right and centre because I felt I was unable to cope. Not looking after my personal appearance to any degree. Being unorganized and unable to focus. Anyway, the list goes on and on, and the details are not important to what I am trying to convey here.
***
Okay, that's the bad, now for the slightly better:
About a year ago I finally decided to try antidepressant medication. This was a big decision, which I made extremely reluctantly, as I was mostly in the dark about these chemicals, and my feelings towards them was that they were for 'weak' and 'broken' people.
About 8 months go by, and I am feeling better, certainly, but not 'fixed' (although, who is 'fixed', is there such a state?
). Now, since my teenage years, I've been a fairly heavy drinker. Alcohol and depression, are a BIG no-no, and there is a great load of data that shows a close connection between depressed people, and substance abuse.
Given my ancestral history, and my own behaviour, I recognized, and still accept that I am one of those 'addictive' personalities, and I need to be very careful when it comes to any drug.
Right, so, going back a bit, I had been trying to stop drinking for many years already (mostly due to recognizing my own behaviour beginning to mirror that of the alcoholics in my family), but failed again and again and again. So, I undertook to book myself into a drug rehab.
So, about half a year or so ago I spent three weeks in a rehab (talk about disclosure, but who gives a ****, eh?). It was a great experience, and since then I've had three glasses of sparkling wine, and 2 light beers. I think, finally, that this is one demon I have vanquished.
As part of the ethos of that particular rehab centre, they suggested I try not use antidepressants, and rather try use exercise as a way to deal with the depression (which is not bad advice, it can and does work for many people), and I, impulsively as usual, cold-turkeyed the medication, which was one hell of a disturbing (yet interesting) experience (I did this a month or two before actually going to the centre, so about 8 months or so ago).
Which led to one of the most godawful episodes of depression I've ever dealt with (common, when stopping medication).
Oops.
So, fast-forward - Here I am, my life is a mess, but I, for really the first time in about 15 years am feeling content, driven, and somewhat positive about the future. It is a wonderful feeling, and for those who feel like this more often than not, count your damned blessings, take it from me.
How have I managed to do this?
- Medication - I take, every evening, 20mg's of Citalopram
- Exercise - I have been forcing myself for the past little while to do a bit of exercise every day. It's ****ing amazing how much that helps.
- Diet - I've cut out wheat, sugar and caffeine (aside from what's in tea, I can't do without my mother****ing tea).
- Drugs - I don't drink, for the most part, and avoid nicotine like the plague (stimulants are hell on anxiety issues). I am happy to every now and again smoke a little bit of cannabis, or have a Windhoek light with my mates, but this insane indulgence many people in this world engage in, is hopefully behind me now.
- Creativity - I am trying to focus on creative endeavors, which, I've realized, are what drive my soul to want to exist.
- Water - I am drinking load of water every day.
- Coconut oil - I use this in place of any margarine or butter I might use. Link
Last words... Don't ever be ashamed to ask those around you for help, always talk about how you are feeling if you need to, and don't be scared of medication, if it's necessary.
There's enough suffering in the world, to needlessly expose yourself to it, if you can avoid it. Plus, one functional and happy person leads to more functional and happy people, and part of our duties as a fellow human being is being able to step up and uplift those around us.
tl:dr - I was forced at gunpoint to make love to a billy goat last night, and now I've got a really strange rash on my penis and I don't know what to do. Further, the dwarf who orchestrated the whole thing is demanding money, which I don't have, otherwise he's going to put a video of the event on the internet.
Help!
