Depression.

copacetic

King of the Hippies
Joined
Nov 22, 2009
Messages
56,019
#1
Hello all.

I was diagnosed many years ago with clinical depression.

In many respects I have a great slot in this world - A wonderful family, a group of friends that are some of the most fantastic people on the planet, in my opinion, and unlike many billions of people, I have opportunities that many will never know.

That said, I have been struggling with this medical condition, and all that comes with it, and as a consequence, there are aspects to my life that are, shall we say, moderately disastrous, but nothing that cannot be patched up, as time goes on.

The reason for this thread is... I guess I just want to offer a bit of advice to anyone who might secretly (or openly for that matter) be struggling with the same sort of issues.

To clarify, my depression manifested in the following ways:

  • No self confidence - None, nada, zilch. Just a lifetime of self-loathing. Lame, I know. :)
  • Anxiety - Crippling, and awful. A terrible way to live. I am/was a professional worrier; about myself, my health, my situation, my friends and family, the state of the world, the list is endless.
  • Inability to forward plan - Since I spent most of my life being darkly fatalistic about the future, I made bad decisions about most of the normal, practical things human beings do to survive in this world.

And then just general stuff - Not treating those around me well when I felt awful, abdicating responsibilities left right and centre because I felt I was unable to cope. Not looking after my personal appearance to any degree. Being unorganized and unable to focus. Anyway, the list goes on and on, and the details are not important to what I am trying to convey here.

***

Okay, that's the bad, now for the slightly better:

About a year ago I finally decided to try antidepressant medication. This was a big decision, which I made extremely reluctantly, as I was mostly in the dark about these chemicals, and my feelings towards them was that they were for 'weak' and 'broken' people.

About 8 months go by, and I am feeling better, certainly, but not 'fixed' (although, who is 'fixed', is there such a state? :)).

Now, since my teenage years, I've been a fairly heavy drinker. Alcohol and depression, are a BIG no-no, and there is a great load of data that shows a close connection between depressed people, and substance abuse.
Given my ancestral history, and my own behaviour, I recognized, and still accept that I am one of those 'addictive' personalities, and I need to be very careful when it comes to any drug.

Right, so, going back a bit, I had been trying to stop drinking for many years already (mostly due to recognizing my own behaviour beginning to mirror that of the alcoholics in my family), but failed again and again and again. So, I undertook to book myself into a drug rehab.

So, about half a year or so ago I spent three weeks in a rehab (talk about disclosure, but who gives a ****, eh?). It was a great experience, and since then I've had three glasses of sparkling wine, and 2 light beers. I think, finally, that this is one demon I have vanquished.

As part of the ethos of that particular rehab centre, they suggested I try not use antidepressants, and rather try use exercise as a way to deal with the depression (which is not bad advice, it can and does work for many people), and I, impulsively as usual, cold-turkeyed the medication, which was one hell of a disturbing (yet interesting) experience (I did this a month or two before actually going to the centre, so about 8 months or so ago).

Which led to one of the most godawful episodes of depression I've ever dealt with (common, when stopping medication).

Oops.

So, fast-forward - Here I am, my life is a mess, but I, for really the first time in about 15 years am feeling content, driven, and somewhat positive about the future. It is a wonderful feeling, and for those who feel like this more often than not, count your damned blessings, take it from me.

How have I managed to do this?

  • Medication - I take, every evening, 20mg's of Citalopram
  • Exercise - I have been forcing myself for the past little while to do a bit of exercise every day. It's ****ing amazing how much that helps.
  • Diet - I've cut out wheat, sugar and caffeine (aside from what's in tea, I can't do without my mother****ing tea).
  • Drugs - I don't drink, for the most part, and avoid nicotine like the plague (stimulants are hell on anxiety issues). I am happy to every now and again smoke a little bit of cannabis, or have a Windhoek light with my mates, but this insane indulgence many people in this world engage in, is hopefully behind me now.
  • Creativity - I am trying to focus on creative endeavors, which, I've realized, are what drive my soul to want to exist.
  • Water - I am drinking load of water every day.
  • Coconut oil - I use this in place of any margarine or butter I might use. Link

Last words... Don't ever be ashamed to ask those around you for help, always talk about how you are feeling if you need to, and don't be scared of medication, if it's necessary.

There's enough suffering in the world, to needlessly expose yourself to it, if you can avoid it. Plus, one functional and happy person leads to more functional and happy people, and part of our duties as a fellow human being is being able to step up and uplift those around us.

tl:dr - I was forced at gunpoint to make love to a billy goat last night, and now I've got a really strange rash on my penis and I don't know what to do. Further, the dwarf who orchestrated the whole thing is demanding money, which I don't have, otherwise he's going to put a video of the event on the internet. :(

Help!
 

buyeye

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2010
Messages
4,797
#2
Great stuff thanks for sharing , as they say sharing is caring:D

Guess I had that homosexual necrophiliac stuff wrong it's just beastiality. :D
 

I.am.Sam

rehabilitated troller
Joined
Jun 14, 2011
Messages
80,556
#3
it would help if you post the link to the video ...people can then help if they had experience with making love to a goat and give hints and tips on what to do next time
 

copacetic

King of the Hippies
Joined
Nov 22, 2009
Messages
56,019
#4
Great stuff thanks for sharing , as they say sharing is caring:D

Guess I had that homosexual necrophiliac stuff wrong it's just beastiality. :D
You are one weird dude, that's all I have to say. :D

it would help if you post the link to the video ...people can then help if they had experience with making love to a goat and give hints and tips on what to do next time
If I can't come up with the money, it'll be all over the news soon enough.
 

buyeye

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2010
Messages
4,797
#6
it would help if you post the link to the video ...people can then help if they had experience with making love to a goat and give hints and tips on what to do next time
Personally I don't want to see the video , If copa says he made love to a billy goat then I believe him:D
 

I.am.Sam

rehabilitated troller
Joined
Jun 14, 2011
Messages
80,556
#9
ok finally read the whole article and how big was the dwarf

on a serious note ...peoples depression differs but what you say about finding other things to do is 100% correct
 
Joined
Mar 16, 2009
Messages
3,827
#11
Exercise, eat healthy and keep busy, like really get into your job. Also travel if you can. That how I got over my anxiety. The best is just to accept it and not fight it. Look at the Panic away guide. Great ways to get over it, not just coping.
 

EnchanterG

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2008
Messages
1,878
#12
Hey Copa, that was extremely brave and enlightening. I completely agree with what you're saying vis-a-vie finding other activities and interests and exercise is so helpful with regard to depression! I wish more people knew that!
 

R13...

Honorary Master
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
28,932
#14
I also thought copa was just a little bit of the chain not depressed. Does that explain some of the dark pictures you link to? There's one that still haunts my imagination:)
 

wrathex

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 16, 2009
Messages
4,378
#15
Ag Copacetic, we always find a way to surface from there..
we dig - as hard as we can - till we're in real deep
we slip and slide down steep hills - shale everywhere
we contemplate, procrastinate, reverse, loop, go in deeper
we try harder

Thanks for sharing
 

copacetic

King of the Hippies
Joined
Nov 22, 2009
Messages
56,019
#17
Exercise, eat healthy and keep busy, like really get into your job. Also travel if you can. That how I got over my anxiety. The best is just to accept it and not fight it. Look at the Panic away guide. Great ways to get over it, not just coping.
Sounds good.

Hey Copa, that was extremely brave and enlightening. I completely agree with what you're saying vis-a-vie finding other activities and interests and exercise is so helpful with regard to depression! I wish more people knew that!
:)

But you always posts such funny stuff...
Would never have guessed.
You'd be surprised, I think, to know how many people are tormented inside, but are unable/unwilling to show it. Don't get me wrong though I am (I think) a pretty funny dude, and this is all not to say I've been miserable 100% for the last decade, it comes and goes.

I also thought copa was just a little bit of the chain not depressed. Does that explain some of the dark pictures you link to? There's one that still haunts my imagination:)
My sense of humour is pretty disturbing, I'll be the first to admit that, perhaps that explains the 'dark pictures', of which I have no recollection lol.

Ag Copacetic, we always find a way to surface from there..
we dig - as hard as we can - till we're in real deep
we slip and slide down steep hills - shale everywhere
we contemplate, procrastinate, reverse, loop, go in deeper
we try harder
Truer words... :)

Thanks for sharing
It was indeed a real pleasure.

Thanks.
 

Ekstasis

Honorary Master
Joined
Dec 21, 2010
Messages
13,206
#20
OP...what counts in your favor, I think, is that you're one hell of a good person.
I'm rooting for you mate ;)
 
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