Depression.

[kolaval]

I mask massively at work, hide behind extreme competence. I tell myself I'm faking it till I make it but still feel massive impostor syndrome in a social context. My value is my knowledge and skills and beyond that, not much.

Is all this depression related, (officially diagnosed)?
If so symptoms or causes?

I refuse to label myself anything, so asking for a friend.

 

[W@P]

Not sure if I have replied to this thread before.

Today is 1 year since my father took his own life after suffering from severe depression.
We tried everything. Mental clinics, change/adjust meds, therapy, you name it. He was just in such a deep hole after the passing of my mother that he saw only one way out at the end.

I have been building up a ton of anxiety while waiting for this day. Not sure how the day will go. It must take its course.
I have my own depression to deal with. And the unwinding of his estate has put a lot of pressure on me, together with the daily grind.

Every day, I keep chipping at this big mountain in front of me. Piece by piece, it is getting smaller. At time it feels you are getting nowhere. And the other day I took some time to reflect on what I have managed to complete, boxes ticked, put to bed, etc. over the last 12 months. And it is actually a fsckton of boxes ticked.

Keep on keeping on !!!

 

[Sinbad]

Is all this depression related, (officially diagnosed)?
If so symptoms or causes?

I refuse to label myself anything, so asking for a friend.

I do not have diagnosed depression but I have all the symptoms of a mild to moderate case from time to time. I have had my gp prescribe antidepressants before, but I've never been to a psychiatrist or psychologist.

I'm sure it's all related though.

 

[TribbleZA]

Not sure if I have replied to this thread before.

Today is 1 year since my father took his own life after suffering from severe depression.
We tried everything. Mental clinics, change/adjust meds, therapy, you name it. He was just in such a deep hole after the passing of my mother that he saw only one way out at the end.

I have been building up a ton of anxiety while waiting for this day. Not sure how the day will go. It must take its course.
I have my own depression to deal with. And the unwinding of his estate has put a lot of pressure on me, together with the daily grind.

Every day, I keep chipping at this big mountain in front of me. Piece by piece, it is getting smaller. At time it feels you are getting nowhere. And the other day I took some time to reflect on what I have managed to complete, boxes ticked, put to bed, etc. over the last 12 months. And it is actually a fsckton of boxes ticked.

Keep on keeping on !!!

You, and everyone, did all they could. I have found that when someone wants to exit their life, there is very little you can do to keep them here. Sadly they are not able to think of what it does to those they leave behind.

I find that one should either do something in remembrance of them, or spend the day doing something they would have enjoyed. A friend suggested this to me, we both lost our uncles to suicide. And for you, find a reason not to go out the same way. Your loss is a lot worse though, so do whatever you can to try and be ok. Know that his leaving had nothing to do with your worth. And you have been through a lot. To lose your mother and father in such a short time is really rough.

Get someone to help with the estate. It took 3 years for my hubby's to wind up - and I had attorneys dealing with it. He owed no debt and had only two assets. And it was still very frustrating.

Take time for yourself too.

 

[TribbleZA]

Is all this depression related, (officially diagnosed)?
If so symptoms or causes?

I refuse to label myself anything, so asking for a friend.

Most people with depression don't get the official diagnosis. A label doesn't make how you feel any better. Most of the symptoms are easily searchable, but you instinctively know that when life is too much, dealing with ordinary things is just too hard, that something isn't right. Severe depression means you can't do life, moderate means you don't want to but generally still do. You smile, you have conversations, you go to work, you feed your pets and you wish that you wouldn't wake up in the morning.

Pills and therapies can help, so if you are wise, you should go and get help. Most self-medicate and try all other things to deal with the dead feeling inside. It doesn't fix it though. We need to gain the strength to deal with the source of the depression, but often we have blocked it out or tell ourselves to grow up as other people had it worse. We fail to realise that others' experiences don't diminish the effects of what we went through. And if many of the internet experts are right, it stems from damage done while we were children. Heal your inner child is the mantra. It is worth trying.

 

[SauRoNZA]

I don’t usually post things like this, but I can’t keep quiet anymore.

In this community... right here, I’ve seen posts, lyrics, comments that clearly hint at people struggling with depression and loneliness. Even thoughts of suicide, and nobody seems to even acknowledge them.

Some of us have written music or shared art that was practically a cry for help. I know I have. I even saw someone else recently post song lyrics that screamed of suicidal thoughts, and not a single person replied. Not a “hey, you okay?”, not a “we see you.” Nothing. I suppose people figure it's "AI Slop" and continue to go about their day, but sometimes we need to just look a little bit deeper.

The truth is that some people don’t make it. They die. Quietly. While the world scrolls past.

This is just asking for basic human awareness. A moment of kindness. You never know when your small reply might be someone’s last lifeline.

If you’re part of this community, then be part of it. Look out for each other. Say something. Be supportive. Show some kindness to others.

Do you mean within the context of this thread or within the greater forum?

Because I would just like to make the point that someone listening to/posting/talking about say Last Resort by simple example isn’t any indication of depression or even a low state.

Sometimes we can appreciate something for what it is through compassion or empathy and even “enjoy” it for what it is without having any depressive or even low feelings about it.

I say this purely as a counter point because it’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life where people attribute my choice of music at any given point to my current mental state which simply for me personally has absolutely no direct reflection on my state of mind.

If anything, you should be really worried if I’m jiving to Katy Perry or Taylor Swift because that would be truly out of character.

Anyway my point was that people in a low state tend to look for the same in others, which isn’t always there. In my experience those who talk about it openly are the ones who are dealing with it, the ones who say nothing at all are the ones you worry about.

 

[TribbleZA]

Do you mean within the context of this thread or within the greater forum?

Because I would just like to make the point that someone listening to/posting/talking about say Last Resort by simple example isn’t any indication of depression or even a low state.

Sometimes we can appreciate something for what it is through compassion or empathy and even “enjoy” it for what it is without having any depressive or even low feelings about it.

I say this purely as a counter point because it’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life where people attribute my choice of music at any given point to my current mental state which simply for me personally has absolutely no direct reflection on my state of mind.

If anything, you should be really worried if I’m jiving to Katy Perry or Taylor Swift because that would be truly out of character.

Anyway my point was that people in a low state tend to look for the same in others, which isn’t always there. In my experience those who talk about it openly are the ones who are dealing with it, the ones who say nothing at all are the ones you worry about.

Long before I understood darkness, I wrote really dark stories and poems. As my world got darker, I stopped writing. There is a lot of truth in what you say. Those who talk about how they feel, or show others clues, are trying to work it out and fix themselves. Those who say nothing are the ones we do have to worry about. Those are the ones who often leave.

But it is also true that those who have tried to leave and failed, begin talking so that they don't end back in that space. So you can never know how serious the depression is. I think that many depressed people have entertained how it will end. Have plans for that day when it really gets to be too much. But they keep hoping that the day will never come, that there will be some reason to stay.

It is true, our taste in music, or literature, art or movies doesn't indicate depression. Not all people with tattoos got them to deal with pain either - some just like them. But many people dealing with depression do use music to quiet their minds, to give expression to how they are feeling inside. There is just no way to tell. If it was that easy, more people would be helped in time.

 

[W@P]

You, and everyone, did all they could. I have found that when someone wants to exit their life, there is very little you can do to keep them here. Sadly they are not able to think of what it does to those they leave behind.

I find that one should either do something in remembrance of them, or spend the day doing something they would have enjoyed. A friend suggested this to me, we both lost our uncles to suicide. And for you, find a reason not to go out the same way. Your loss is a lot worse though, so do whatever you can to try and be ok. Know that his leaving had nothing to do with your worth. And you have been through a lot. To lose your mother and father in such a short time is really rough.

Get someone to help with the estate. It took 3 years for my hubby's to wind up - and I had attorneys dealing with it. He owed no debt and had only two assets. And it was still very frustrating.

Take time for yourself too.

Thank you for your post.

I have been consumed with the estate, it's like living 2 lives at once. But if I stand back and take a look at the greater picture. It does not have to be so demanding on me. I have 2 x Chrome browsers open on my screen with my profile and my fathers profile. Alwaya keeping an eye on his mails and every now and then something pops up that needs attention or what was overlooked before. Not much really going on in his mails anymore.

My father handled my mothers estate like a machine. And when all was done after 1 year. His reality kicked in and he started going downhill.
I am afraid the same will happen to me. I put my grieving of my mother on pause in order to focus on getting my dad better. And when his estate is done. I donno who I am going to be. Scary!!

Anyway, Capital Legacy did my mothers estate and now my father's estate also. I already got a draft L&D account in month 11 after his passing.
And his affairs were tip-top in order. But still, he had a few things going on in his life. The family trust needs attention. Rental properties, etc.
Zero debt, which I am thankful for.

And he left a legacy for me and his 2 grandsons. I know people will look at me and think wtf is your problem? You are sorted for life.
It's not that straightforward. I have immense responsibilities and decisions to make that can have huge consequences.

But yes, I need to make time for myself. I really do.

 

[SauRoNZA]

But it is also true that those who have tried to leave and failed, begin talking so that they don't end back in that space. So you can never know how serious the depression is. I think that many depressed people have entertained how it will end. Have plans for that day when it really gets to be too much. But they keep hoping that the day will never come, that there will be some reason to stay.

I think every person, depressed or otherwise has at some point in their adult life considered when it would be too much and how they would be going out.

It’s a healthy gauge of your own mental state. I call it the “burn the world” condition where you will finally give zero ****s and have no cares and just do whatever you want because it’s game over anyway and it can only go up from there.

It’s not a direct suicidal thought, but more a question of your personal threshold for dealing with life as it stands.

It is true, our taste in music, or literature, art or movies doesn't indicate depression. Not all people with tattoos got them to deal with pain either - some just like them. But many people dealing with depression do use music to quiet their minds, to give expression to how they are feeling inside. There is just no way to tell. If it was that easy, more people would be helped in time.

Exactly. It’s like the introvert extrovert thing. It’s misunderstood that introverts can’t be social, but the difference is that being social exhausts them and expends their mental energy, while extroverts thrive on those dynamics and it fuels them with more mental energy.

Same applies to music and the arts as a whole what might seem deeply depressive to one person is actually fuelling the fire for another. One person thinks someone is wallowing in depressive music or lyrics or poetry or even drawing and painting but meanwhile that process is doing exactly the opposite for those people and supercharging their mindset to being exactly the opposite.

Every person is different and their state of mind shouldn’t be judged on their consumption alone.

Long before I understood darkness, I wrote really dark stories and poems. As my world got darker, I stopped writing. There is a lot of truth in what you say. Those who talk about how they feel, or show others clues, are trying to work it out and fix themselves. Those who say nothing are the ones we do have to worry about. Those are the ones who often leave.

I have this exact battle with my daughter and the school right now who are deeply concerned because of the art and literature she is generating. Meanwhile she’s just years beyond her peers in her mental and emotional awareness and expressing herself through art, much like I did as a kid.

 

[OnlyOneKenobi]

Do you mean within the context of this thread or within the greater forum?

Because I would just like to make the point that someone listening to/posting/talking about say Last Resort by simple example isn’t any indication of depression or even a low state.

Sometimes we can appreciate something for what it is through compassion or empathy and even “enjoy” it for what it is without having any depressive or even low feelings about it.

I say this purely as a counter point because it’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life where people attribute my choice of music at any given point to my current mental state which simply for me personally has absolutely no direct reflection on my state of mind.

If anything, you should be really worried if I’m jiving to Katy Perry or Taylor Swift because that would be truly out of character.

Anyway my point was that people in a low state tend to look for the same in others, which isn’t always there. In my experience those who talk about it openly are the ones who are dealing with it, the ones who say nothing at all are the ones you worry about.

I don't think this should be over-analysed. As you've said, some people aren't necessarily depressed but exhibit signs that might be typical of depression and suicidal thoughts. In those cases, if someone from the community were to approach them and say, "Hey, are you okay?" they would not take offence to it, would they? If they did, then surely there must be something beneath the surface that would cause that issue.

 

[TribbleZA]

Thank you for your post.

I have been consumed with the estate, it's like living 2 lives at once. But if I stand back and take a look at the greater picture. It does not have to be so demanding on me. I have 2 x Chrome browsers open on my screen with my profile and my fathers profile. Alwaya keeping an eye on his mails and every now and then something pops up that needs attention or what was overlooked before. Not much really going on in his mails anymore.

My father handled my mothers estate like a machine. And when all was done after 1 year. His reality kicked in and he started going downhill.
I am afraid the same will happen to me. I put my grieving of my mother on pause in order to focus on getting my dad better. And when his estate is done. I donno who I am going to be. Scary!!

Anyway, Capital Legacy did my mothers estate and now my father's estate also. I already got a draft L&D account in month 11 after his passing.
And his affairs were tip-top in order. But still, he had a few things going on in his life. The family trust needs attention. Rental properties, etc.
Zero debt, which I am thankful for.

And he left a legacy for me and his 2 grandsons. I know people will look at me and think wtf is your problem? You are sorted for life.
It's not that straightforward. I have immense responsibilities and decisions to make that can have huge consequences.

But yes, I need to make time for myself. I really do.

You do have a lot on your plate and you need to be kind to yourself. And I agree with your outlook - money doesn't necessarily make things easier. And being responsible goes a long way to making an easier life. Regardless how you feel, you seem to be on top of everything and doing a good job too. Don't worry about what life will be like when you come out of all this - focus on making things better for you now. Taking care of you now will mean you will be able to handle the emptiness. Give yourself time to grieve too - they say it is a very important step in being ok.

 

[SauRoNZA]

I don't think this should be over-analysed. As you've said, some people aren't necessarily depressed but exhibit signs that might be typical of depression and suicidal thoughts. In those cases, if someone from the community were to approach them and say, "Hey, are you okay?" they would not take offence to it, would they? If they did, then surely there must be something beneath the surface that would cause that issue.

It’s the inverse that bothers me.

People asking me if I’m okay, when I’m perfectly damn fine.

 

[OnlyOneKenobi]

It’s the inverse that bothers me.

People asking me if I’m okay, when I’m perfectly damn fine.

Well that's just you. If you're so dark in your every day life that people worry about your well being, you should just take the minor annoyance of people showing empathy even if it might be misplaced. Somewhere out there is a person who does need somebody to give a damn. Even if it is a stranger on the internet.

 

[longboy]

It’s the inverse that bothers me.

People asking me if I’m okay, when I’m perfectly damn fine.

Same.

I have a permanent scowl on my face from dealing with asshats all day long. Then my doctor asks me if I am sad...

 

[SauRoNZA]

Well that's just you. If you're so dark in your every day life that people worry about your well being, you should just take the minor annoyance of people showing empathy even if it might be misplaced. Somewhere out there is a person who does need somebody to give a damn. Even if it is a stranger on the internet.

It’s not.

My entire point is that some people take it upon themselves way too much to get involved in other people’s business and overanalyse their perceptions to then feel they have the right to get involved.

Not everyone is suicidal, not everyone needs or wants help and to jump in every time asking people if they are okay can crossing a line for many.

So as to your original post trust started this train of conversation, it’s not necessarily a lack of empathy or caring but simply people staying in their lane and they don’t need to be judged for it.

And then on top of that there are those of us that have walked this road with many people before, it becomes exhausting in and of itself.

 

[OnlyOneKenobi]

fine.

It’s not.

My entire point is that some people take it upon themselves way too much to get involved in other people’s business and overanalyse their perceptions to then feel they have the right to get involved.

Not everyone is suicidal, not everyone needs or wants help and to jump in every time asking people if they are okay can crossing a line for many.

So as to your original post trust started this train of conversation, it’s not necessarily a lack of empathy or caring but simply people staying in their lane and they don’t need to be judged for it.

And then on top of that there are those of us that have walked this road with many people before, it becomes exhausting in and of itself.

It’s not.

My entire point is that some people take it upon themselves way too much to get involved in other people’s business and overanalyse their perceptions to then feel they have the right to get involved.

Not everyone is suicidal, not everyone needs or wants help and to jump in every time asking people if they are okay can crossing a line for many.

So as to your original post trust started this train of conversation, it’s not necessarily a lack of empathy or caring but simply people staying in their lane and they don’t need to be judged for it.

And then on top of that there are those of us that have walked this road with many people before, it becomes exhausting in and of itself.

So, stay in your lane then. It's f*cking exhausting dealing with some people.

 

[animal531]

Sidenote on SSRI's.

Some people are beginning to ask for more long term studies, it seems that if you've been taking them at a certain dosage for a long time that you're never going to be the same again when you stop. There could be severe ongoing physical issues (even with proper tapering off) and many people are beginning to report that afterward their emotional state and/or sexual function never recovers.

 

[now05ster]

Sidenote on SSRI's.

Some people are beginning to ask for more long term studies, it seems that if you've been taking them at a certain dosage for a long time that you're never going to be the same again when you stop. There could be severe ongoing physical issues (even with proper tapering off) and many people are beginning to report that afterward their emotional state and/or sexual function never recovers.

Never? Mind linking to that?

I'm aware of recent guidance leaning towards hyperbolic tapering of some SSRIs (like ten percent of current dose at a time), meaning it ultimately takes an extremely long time to wean off it.

 

[now05ster]

Never? Mind linking to that?

I'm aware of recent guidance leaning towards hyperbolic tapering of some SSRIs (like ten percent of current dose at a time), meaning it ultimately takes an extremely long time to wean off it.

We recently changed my wife's medication over with the help of the psychiatrist, meds that she's been on for more than 20 years. Previously we reduced it bead-by-bead, took almost a year to reduce the dosage.

She explained it to the psychiatrist and with this info recently the psychiatrist saw it fit to reduce venlafaxine to effectively 75 percent of the current dose. After the fourth day the GP decided to revert back to her normal medication. It was a terrific three weeks post the medication change, waiting for everything to revert back to normal.

"Terrific".

 

[Sinbad]

It’s not.

My entire point is that some people take it upon themselves way too much to get involved in other people’s business and overanalyse their perceptions to then feel they have the right to get involved.

Not everyone is suicidal, not everyone needs or wants help and to jump in every time asking people if they are okay can crossing a line for many.

So as to your original post trust started this train of conversation, it’s not necessarily a lack of empathy or caring but simply people staying in their lane and they don’t need to be judged for it.

And then on top of that there are those of us that have walked this road with many people before, it becomes exhausting in and of itself.

You can't control other people but you can control how you react. Change your narrative - view their concern as one of the signs of the innate goodness of people, rather than as a judgement upon yourself. Thank them and let them know you're fine, and then they can expend that energy elsewhere, rather than teaching them that expressing concern for another is cause for frustration and anger in the recipient.

I'd rather people had too much empathy and concern than too little

Just my 2c...