Do i handle death the wrong way?

I didn't even cry when my mom's mom died, coz I didn't know her that well at all. I guess it depends on how much they meant to you or how well you knew them.

For instance, cried like a baby when we had to put down our Jack Russell.

Currently I will only cry when my wife or my 2 current Jack Russells die. The rest I definitely won't cry over.
 
Ho3n3r said:
I didn't even cry when my mom's mom died, coz I didn't know her that well at all. I guess it depends on how much they meant to you or how well you know them.

For instance, cried like a baby when we had to put down our Jack Russell.

Currently I will only cry when my wife or my 2 current Jack Russells die. The rest I definitely won't cry over.
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yea i understand this way, thing is i was really close with her, saw her often. I understand why i didnt cry for my other Gran because at that time, i stayed in dbn and saw her maybe 4 times in my entire life, i actually inherited her car from my dad when i was 21. '84 Ford Escort, bought brand new by her. ANYWAY!

Now that im in Jhb, i didnt get to see her as often but luckily my daughter managed to see her when we went down to durban for a couple days in december.

Thats one of the reasons why i worry i shouldve mourned more because we were close..... now i dont know what i would do if any of my parents pass away or even my wife and kids.....
 
skeptic_SA said:
Sorry for your loss Stillie
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Thanks a mill Skeptic.... appreciate it! I feel its not a loss, she just move to a better place. Its like a one way video call where she can spy on us now lol! we will see eachother again! :)
 
Stillie said:
Thanks everyone....guess its time to slap hard rock on my headphones and get to coding! thanks for all the responses, makes me feel better about the way i handle it.
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I think death is worse when its traumatic or unexpected.

You gran was old, she got sick and passed away, like everyone does.
Its sad but not unexpected, i'm sure you enjoyed each other while she was alive and she had a full life bla bla bla.

With so many of the deaths I have experienced they have been expected and my reaction has been the same as yours.
 
Everybody handles death differently, and deal with the consequences of their methods later...

When my mom passed away(when I was 16), I couldn't cry at all. I bottled up all my emotions for a long time.. but now I find that I cannot handle death at all.. everytime I encounter it, my emotions just bubble over, as I remember my mother, and break down completely.
 
there's nothing wrong with feeling sad and crying. so give yourself that time. it wont last forever. you find a way to live with sadness. that's what life is all about.

sadness can erupt later as anger or depression so if you do feel like it is a problem, go speak to a therapist. even if it's just to have someone with no judgement listen to you for a little while, it does help to have a place to express those feelings and thoughts that you cant say elsewhere.
also it's completely normal to not know what to do with sadness but you cant run away from it. you're saying that you dont actually deal with and it does effect you. you're just scared of the pain. but it's ok. pain and joy are all temporary anyway.
best of luck.
 
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I don't get teary eyed or anything of the sort and sometimes when people look at me after a loss then I have to pretend that I am hurt; but I'm not.
Its like I am made to feel guilty for not actually being sad and its almost as if I must cry or show some emotion because it comes across that I never cared or felt the same amount of hurt as the next man.

You not alone.
 
I'm glad to not be the only one coz everyone around me lets go and mourns heavily and I'm the only one in my circle that doesn't mourn. So seeing that I'm not the only one and there are actually a lot of people that do it my way
 
Stillie said:
I'm glad to not be the only one coz everyone around me lets go and mourns heavily and I'm the only one in my circle that doesn't mourn. So seeing that I'm not the only one and there are actually a lot of people that do it my way
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My mum's reasoning was who would look after everyone else if she also fell to pieces :D
 
ToxicBunny said:
You handle it in your own way... that isn't wrong.

You were also expecting her to pass on if she had cancer to that level.... so her death wasn't a massive surprise to you.
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Ancalagon said:
Death affects everyone differently. It also depends on how close you were to that person. I mean, you obviously loved your gran, but she wasn't your parent or sibling. Or spouse.

The closer you are to the person, the longer it takes to recover.
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I think the two factors highlighted here is what makes it a non issue,it was your Gran,not a parent or spouse.And secondly she was already relatively old and sickly so kinda expected.

Loosing a kid or parent in a sudden car accident on the other hand leaves you shaken and takes more to get over,regardless of how much you cry or don't cry.

I'm speaking from experience,I've lost my gran few years ago and she was sickly and we were all sad but in a way life didn't need to stop at all.My mother passed away in a sudden car accident and that was much worse to handle as it was life changing for me since we were very close,but even so,I found getting back to work and on with everyday life helps as opposed to sitting around and being depressed for days/months/years on end.
 
You could've scored some family leave if you pretended though...
 
Pitbull said:
Not for a Gran though...

Isn't it for direct family, Father, mother, sibling only?
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Unless he made them believe that he grew up with her and pretended to not be fit for work due to the sudden loss.
 
Stillie said:
my gran passed away this morning at 1am. she had cancer in her spine, legs and liver. When i found out i balled my eyes out for a min then sucked it up and went on with my day. Off to work as normal, nothing changes just keep going?

Is it "wrong" that i dont take a day to myself to let go like other people do? am i heartless because of this.

To me it feels like i dont handle death correctly?
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Don't worry about it. One day someone will pass away and it'll hit you right between the eyes and you'll become and emotional wreck and realise that you're a human after all. I think with your grandmother, she was probably on her way out and I don't know your relationship but maybe you weren't as close as some people to her. Just let something happen to your kids or your wife and you'll see what it really is to mourn.

Mourning is an actual physical response, it's not something you can actually control. The same goes for breakups.
 
medicnick83 said:
My mom passed away 1st December 2015 - I haven't cried a tear yet. I've just gone about sorting everything out - to a few of my friends they are worried about me but how we each deal with death is different - maybe my job has made me a bit harder (But let me see a child die or something and I borderline FREAK OUT!)

Suffice to say, when my time comes, it will come.

How you deal with it is up to you - no one can say anything.
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Sorry to hear
 
phoenix99 said:
Something my dad said to me: "You can either mourn the dead or look after the living, not both. You choose."
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That is an utterly meaningless plithy saying. Why exactly can't you mourn while taking care of your responsibilities to the living?
 
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