Do i handle death the wrong way?

Stillie

Stillie

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my gran passed away this morning at 1am. she had cancer in her spine, legs and liver. When i found out i balled my eyes out for a min then sucked it up and went on with my day. Off to work as normal, nothing changes just keep going?

Is it "wrong" that i dont take a day to myself to let go like other people do? am i heartless because of this.

To me it feels like i dont handle death correctly?
 
You handle it in your own way... that isn't wrong.

You were also expecting her to pass on if she had cancer to that level.... so her death wasn't a massive surprise to you.
 
ToxicBunny said:
You handle it in your own way... that isn't wrong.

You were also expecting her to pass on if she had cancer to that level.... so her death wasn't a massive surprise to you.
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I agree with ToxicBunny. Also, as i've asked myself in the past with my own gran passing, What will i be doing at home anyway?
 
Death affects everyone differently. It also depends on how close you were to that person. I mean, you obviously loved your gran, but she wasn't your parent or sibling. Or spouse.

The closer you are to the person, the longer it takes to recover.
 
There is no right or wrong way to handle it. Each person uses their own coping mechanism.In your case, probably easier to carry on with life, like going to work. Helps keep your mind off it.
 
Stillie said:
my gran passed away this morning at 1am. she had cancer in her spine, legs and liver. When i found out i balled my eyes out for a min then sucked it up and went on with my day. Off to work as normal, nothing changes just keep going?

Is it "wrong" that i dont take a day to myself to let go like other people do? am i heartless because of this.

To me it feels like i dont handle death correctly?
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My mom passed away 1st December 2015 - I haven't cried a tear yet. I've just gone about sorting everything out - to a few of my friends they are worried about me but how we each deal with death is different - maybe my job has made me a bit harder (But let me see a child die or something and I borderline FREAK OUT!)

Suffice to say, when my time comes, it will come.

How you deal with it is up to you - no one can say anything.
 
i always felt i was twisted in that sense and death doesnt affect me as much as a "normal" person. Coz i felt and still feel that i dont handle it right. I get that people handle it differently for everyone but i dont handle it. I just shut it out and basically try avoid talking to any family and friends about it because i dont want it to affect me. I dont want to be sad and down and crying all the time..... is it not a bad thing to do it that way? i mean psychologically?

i worry that bottling up all this "stuff" will explode later on in life? not that any other deaths near me have caused me to explode. Like my previous gran, she passed away and i didnt even attend the funeral? i probably wont with this one either. the only funerals i have been to is my Wifes cousins and my wifes gran. never been to a funeral for any of my family members? i went to those 2 funerals just to be there for my wife. other than that i wouldnt have gone
 
I think we all handle it differently.
Reality might set in and it "hits" you in a few days
 
When every one of my grand parents passed away I felt slightly sad for the day and thought back on memories. that's about it. no crying no major emotion. I do worry about myself having a lack of emotion toward such stuff but I guess we're all different.
 
Something my dad said to me: "You can either mourn the dead or look after the living, not both. You choose."
 
Stillie said:
my gran passed away this morning at 1am. she had cancer in her spine, legs and liver. When i found out i balled my eyes out for a min then sucked it up and went on with my day. Off to work as normal, nothing changes just keep going?

Is it "wrong" that i dont take a day to myself to let go like other people do? am i heartless because of this.

To me it feels like i dont handle death correctly?
Click to expand...

People deal with death differently. There is no right or wrong way.
 
Stillie said:
my gran passed away this morning at 1am. she had cancer in her spine, legs and liver. When i found out i balled my eyes out for a min then sucked it up and went on with my day. Off to work as normal, nothing changes just keep going?

Is it "wrong" that i dont take a day to myself to let go like other people do? am i heartless because of this.

To me it feels like i dont handle death correctly?
Click to expand...

Everyone handles death differently. I thought a death in the family meant you would be stuck in bed with the curtains closed for months, or that the world would end, but no, life carries on. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Deal with your grief how you feel or want, not how others expect you to feel.
 
Stillie said:
i always felt i was twisted in that sense and death doesnt affect me as much as a "normal" person. Coz i felt and still feel that i dont handle it right. I get that people handle it differently for everyone but i dont handle it. I just shut it out and basically try avoid talking to any family and friends about it because i dont want it to affect me. I dont want to be sad and down and crying all the time..... is it not a bad thing to do it that way? i mean psychologically?

i worry that bottling up all this "stuff" will explode later on in life? not that any other deaths near me have caused me to explode. Like my previous gran, she passed away and i didnt even attend the funeral? i probably wont with this one either. the only funerals i have been to is my Wifes cousins and my wifes gran. never been to a funeral for any of my family members? i went to those 2 funerals just to be there for my wife. other than that i wouldnt have gone
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I think you being able to recognize how you handle death, is probably enough to say that it's the right way for you. There isn't a "normal " way.
 
Thanks everyone....guess its time to slap hard rock on my headphones and get to coding! thanks for all the responses, makes me feel better about the way i handle it.
 
I find that religious people want to conform to set rules of expected behaviour norms.

You're ok. You are one of many people who take it like that and that is the new normal.

My family makes a big fuss about the fact that I want to be cremated and death doesn't affect me as it does "normal" people.
 
Sbudah said:
I find that religious people want to conform to set rules of expected behaviour norms.

You're ok. You are one of many people who take it like that and that is the new normal.

My family makes a big fuss about the fact that I want to be cremated and death doesn't affect me as it does "normal" people.
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My gran said that she wants her body donated for research which is amazing... so my family is going to have a memorial.
 
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