Feeling like a failure?

[Thebadguy]

They have no form of reference. I've been both sides and being a teacher was much less stressful...and you really miss those holidays when you don't have them anymore.

Being a teacher, nurse, doctor etc are careers where helping others etc is ultimately the driving force behind happiness. Then again who says you can't have it all huh? Full lives etc.. kudos on that infographic.

 

[MrGray]

No it doesn't. Next time you feel down or a tragedy happens, I hope someone tries this BS on you to see how you like it. A loved one dies? Well **** you for feeling bad, some guy in Vanuatu lost his whole family so your feelings are invalid. Or maybe you're one of the lucky ones that never get bothered by anything, I know nothing about you.

It's pretty well known that tactics like yours (misinterpreting statistics, telling the person they have nothing to feel bad about, shaming them for being depressed when others are also suffering or suffering worse etc) only make the depressed person feel even worse and ashamed because there must be something wrong with them.

Besides, as I said and you conveniently ignored, if you make "the grand scheme of things" grand enough, any conclusions you derive become meaningless. Such as comparing yourself to billions of 3rd-world subsistence farmers. According to your thinking, since something like 90% of the universe is made up of hydrogen gas, there's something seriously wrong with your body because it's not 90% hydrogen gas. We don't live in outer space among the stars, we live in a very special (from our perspective) part of the universe. OP doesn't live in rural China or South Sudan, he lives and works in a specific area and society on the planet. Comparing him to those places and telling him there's something wrong with him isn't helping and makes you look like a bit like the people who tell anorexics to "lol just eat something".

Twisted much?

Maybe if the discussion had anything to do with the completely different topic of depression and loved ones dying your response would make some sense. Or if having a positive outlook about your career had anything to do with chemistry - sorry I failed to take hydrogen gas into account in my advice on remembering the bigger picture. You sound like you must be quite miserable most of the time, sorry about that.

 

[F1ve_Claw]

I love this thread - it's so interesting and people are writing walls of text without any TLDR so I am pretty much skimming

The OP has the right to feel what he wants. Feelings are subjective, and he has every right to compare himself. He is frustrated, and has every right to his feelings. What happened to something constructive like advancement advice?

My 1st year out of varsity I was making less than a teacher at a gov school, and I was more qualified with actual work experience due to paying my way through varsity. Even now I'm not far ahead, but I'm working towards a change. Sure if feels crap that my friends with lesser qualifications are making double, and even triple my salary now - but that can change, so I am making sure that I am setting up everything to be able to change

 

[Elfreako]

They have no form of reference. I've been both sides and being a teacher was much less stressful...and you really miss those holidays when you don't have them anymore.

I've printed that 2% mindset image. Thanks for sharing!

 

[SaoirseB]

I love this thread - it's so interesting and people are writing walls of text without any TLDR so I am pretty much skimming

The OP has the right to feel what he wants. Feelings are subjective, and he has every right to compare himself. He is frustrated, and has every right to his feelings. What happened to something constructive like advancement advice?

My 1st year out of varsity I was making less than a teacher at a gov school, and I was more qualified with actual work experience due to paying my way through varsity. Even now I'm not far ahead, but I'm working towards a change. Sure if feels crap that my friends with lesser qualifications are making double, and even triple my salary now - but that can change, so I am making sure that I am setting up everything to be able to change

Yes definitely he has the right to feel how he feels. By all means feel a pang of regret and/or jealousy, but to feel like a failure? That's silly. Imagine what Bill Gates' former school mates would feel like if they thought that way?

I do think some of the comments were hash, but he just needs to take the important points from those comments and leave the rest: He's much better off than others. He's achieved something with his life and career and should not be comparing his achievements with his friends. He certainly would be less depressed if he stops that. Also he should strain to achieve for himself, not because he wants to have exactly what his friends have.

We all have different potential and circumstances. The Jones might look like the perfect family with everything, but spend enough time with them and you'll realize they're anything but. In fact there is a movie out there called "The Jones" that deals with this very subject.

 

[the eskimo]

OP have you thought about changing jobs? I was in a similar space before and this helped tremendously.

 

[Brieuse]

How do you struggle to make ends meet on that salary? Is the amount of money you earn dependant on your happiness? I think you need to re-evalute your life and the purpose of it. its good to have money, but it it shouldnt dictate your happiness and self-worth.

agreed, the money is never enough.

 

[^^vampire^^]

agreed, the money is never enough.

I agree 100% with this. What I've done is worked out a budget with how much would be enough to live comfortably on on my terms and that's what I'm aiming for - and I'm pleased to say I'm very nearly there. Once I've reached this target monthly salary I can then focus on turning my job into a career. I will not need any bonuses and only inflation or inflation plus some increases each year to stay happy. If other opportunities come along which offer more money then fantastic, but once I land my target salary I intend to settle into the company whole heartedly.

I've constantly strived since coming out of varsity to fast track my salary to get to a comfortable place asap whether it be further studying, moving jobs or charming prospective employers and it's paid off. By the time I hit 30 I'll (hopefully) never need to worry about another move/opportunity for an increase again.

 

[stixx]

I agree 100% with this. What I've done is worked out a budget with how much would be enough to live comfortably on on my terms and that's what I'm aiming for - and I'm pleased to say I'm very nearly there. Once I've reached this target monthly salary I can then focus on turning my job into a career. I will not need any bonuses and only inflation or inflation plus some increases each year to stay happy. If other opportunities come along which offer more money then fantastic, but once I land my target salary I intend to settle into the company whole heartedly.

I've constantly strived since coming out of varsity to fast track my salary to get to a comfortable place asap whether it be further studying, moving jobs or charming prospective employers and it's paid off. By the time I hit 30 I'll (hopefully) never need to worry about another move/opportunity for an increase again.

I've also done the same, and it is working pretty well at this point. I have not reached my goal yet but I am well on track to meet it before I am 30, and if things go really well, before I am 28. I am not sure about settling in one company though, it does get boring dealing with the same people/shizz over and over again.

If I may ask, what is your goal?

 

[Fuma]

I agree 100% with this. What I've done is worked out a budget with how much would be enough to live comfortably on on my terms and that's what I'm aiming for - and I'm pleased to say I'm very nearly there. Once I've reached this target monthly salary I can then focus on turning my job into a career. I will not need any bonuses and only inflation or inflation plus some increases each year to stay happy. If other opportunities come along which offer more money then fantastic, but once I land my target salary I intend to settle into the company whole heartedly.

I've constantly strived since coming out of varsity to fast track my salary to get to a comfortable place asap whether it be further studying, moving jobs or charming prospective employers and it's paid off. By the time I hit 30 I'll (hopefully) never need to worry about another move/opportunity for an increase again.

My next five year plan is to buy rental property cash each year and I will not have any worries financially after that.
I do not have too much debt atm, so I can manage.

 

[Picard]

I'll divulge more than I would like but here goes...

I'm in higher education
I have post-graduate qualifications
I'm a Dean of a Faculty

Same as my father was.

He's retired.

 

[Wife]

Same as my father was.

He's retired.

Well, there you go...follow in his footsteps.

 

[Batista]

I think i need to sell my body.

 

[ShaunSA]

I think i need to sell my body.

Judging by the look the only one buying will be medical science

 

[bokdrol]

It doesn't matter how large your salary is, your needs will expand to fit and it will be too little. Fact.

 

[Batista]

Judging by the look the only one buying will be medical science

Ouchies

 

[cguy]

It doesn't matter how large your salary is, your needs will expand to fit and it will be too little. Fact.

I believe that many people have an idea of the comfort level they want to reach, and from there expenditure increases as roughly a constant fraction of their increase. I think that the problem is that the entitlement mindset, often sets this limit to more than can be achieved.

My expenditure has doubled in the last decade, but my income has increased many more times than that.

 

[Picard]

I believe that many people have an idea of the comfort level they want to reach, and from there expenditure increases as roughly a constant fraction of their increase. I think that the problem is that the entitlement mindset, often sets this limit to more than can be achieved.

My expenditure has doubled in the last decade, but my income has increased many more times than that.

How about your workload?

 

[cguy]

How about your workload?

My workload and responsibility is much higher too, however, because of the compensation, I now work as a choice, which creates a far more pleasant dynamic. I will hopefully be taking a year off in a bit.

 

[Picard]

My workload and responsibility is much higher too, however, because of the compensation, I now work as a choice, which creates a far more pleasant dynamic. I will hopefully be taking a year off in a bit.

Wow!