First time having sex

Bizkit87 said:
Haha, haters gonna hate...

I will make a confession though, I knew it was gonna happen that night, so when I got ready the afternoon, I had a quick wristie in the shower...
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Still don't believe you. In fact, I don't really believe you've had sex at all judging from how unauthentic your tales sounds, but hey, whatever. Everyone needs to feel good about themselves from time to time. Just a hint for next time, if you want to lie, at least make sure your story makes sense.

You were going slow, but she was a screamer? Either you were raping her or she was impossibly tight.
 
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Graal said:
Still don't believe you. In fact, I don't really believe you've had sex at all judging from how unauthentic your tales sounds, but hey, whatever. Everyone needs to feel good about themselves from time to time. Just a hint for next time, if you want to lie, at least make sure your story makes sense.

You were going slow, but she was a screamer? Either you were raping her or she was impossibly tight.
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This goes back to my post about the 3 songs

Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe you're just like my mother She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other? T
his is what it sounds like When doves cry
 
Graal said:
Still don't believe you. In fact, I don't really believe you've had sex .
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Second most offensive joke I have in my arsenal:

So, lil' Biz gets home and he is smiling from ear to ear. His old lady says "Bizkit, why smiling?" He replies "I just lost my virginity - took 3 songs" and she craps her pants, sending him to his room. Bizzie's old man comes home from work and learns that Bizzie is in his room. Again. For another offense. He asks the goose what happened and she explains, including mutterings of "you deal with him". So the old man goes up to Bizzie's room and tells him all about the birds and the bees and the things he needs to know.

Inside, deep down, though, the old man is proud his boy has become a man. So he asks Bizzie "So Bizkit, when you gonna have sex again?" and Biz replies "as soon as my arse stops bleeding."
 
Graal said:
Still don't believe you. In fact, I don't really believe you've had sex at all judging from how unauthentic your tales sounds, but hey, whatever. Everyone needs to feel good about themselves from time to time. Just a hint for next time, if you want to lie, at least make sure your story makes sense.

You were going slow, but she was a screamer? Either you were raping her or she was impossibly tight.
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Whatever dude, I have no need to proof anything to anyone, hell, I was just sharing my experience, you don't have to feel so sad about your own performances that you cant believe some else lasted almost 10 mins. geez...

To quote Mitch from Waiting: " Change your tampon and have another drink you crazy bitch" :p

Whether or not you believe what I say, doesn't changed what happened ;)

Anyway, feel free to share your first time.
 
GreGorGy said:
Second most offensive joke I have in my arsenal:

So, lil' Biz gets home and he is smiling from ear to ear. His old lady says "Bizkit, why smiling?" He replies "I just lost my virginity - took 3 songs" and she craps her pants, sending him to his room. Bizzie's old man comes home from work and learns that Bizzie is in his room. Again. For another offense. He asks the goose what happened and she explains, including mutterings of "you deal with him". So the old man goes up to Bizzie's room and tells him all about the birds and the bees and the things he needs to know.

Inside, deep down, though, the old man is proud his boy has become a man. So he asks Bizzie "So Bizkit, when you gonna have sex again?" and Biz replies "as soon as my arse stops bleeding."
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Haha, thank God that's only a joke. In the wise word of Ali G, I prefer me exit hole to stay me exit hole.

Anal rape jokes , always funny !:sick::p
 
Bizkit87 said:
Anyway, feel free to share your first time.
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Ninja'd said:
I was out camping with the family. I was fast asleep insided my own tent when my uncle zipped it down and came in and forcefully woke me up. He said he had something special for me and handed me a condom. He told me that I should be relaxed and I had to take my time. So I went outside to meet the chick who I hooked up with and we went to a secluded spot on the beach and I completely forget everything my uncle told me. To sum it up it wasn't good the first time but I had a week to practice it there.
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.
 
Bizkit87 said:
My only advice would be is to take it slow. Don't try and piledrive her as quick as you can, remember .. You've won, you got the *****! take your time and enjoy it, Be an gentleman and make her cum first! The first time wouldn't probably last longer than 5 mins, so make sure she is satisfied, and then blow your load.

Enjoy man...
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Nerfherder said:
Dude... its his first time. He will be lucky if he doesn't blow his load before he even gets it in.
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Lol, this... I second the BS nomination for Bizkit :p She must have been a real minga then...
 
Bizkit87 said:
Whatever dude, I have no need to proof anything to anyone, hell, I was just sharing my experience, you don't have to feel so sad about your own performances that you cant believe some else lasted almost 10 mins. geez...

To quote Mitch from Waiting: " Change your tampon and have another drink you crazy bitch" :p

Whether or not you believe what I say, doesn't changed what happened ;)

Anyway, feel free to share your first time.
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Hey, as I said, everyone needs to feel good about themselves. Just don't get your jimmies in a rustle when people call you out on having a highly implausible, not to mention inconsistent story. I still don't see how a girl would be screaming when a guy is going slow, unless the girl is, in fact, a fleshlight with a squeaky toy built in.

My first few times were pretty short. First time I don't believe I lasted two minutes, and the next few times weren't much better. There's actually a thread in here somewhere in which I was worrying about it. At least I'm honest about my first few times, though.
 
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If you a virgin and she isnt use a condom, its the only method that cant protect you against any disease. Maybe later on when you more experienced and your relationship is further consider the pill. Learn how to put a condom on properly.

dont worry about anything else.
 
Graal said:
Hey, as I said, everyone needs to feel good about themselves. Just don't get your jimmies in a rustle when people call you out on having a highly implausible, not to mention inconsistent story. I still don't see how a girl would be screaming when a guy is going slow, unless the girl is, in fact, a fleshlight with a squeaky toy built in.

My first few times were pretty short. First time I don't believe I lasted two minutes, and the next few times weren't much better. There's actually a thread in here somewhere in which I was worrying about it. At least I'm honest about my first few times, though.
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Everyone is different though. My first time was not that short. It also wasnt pleasant or unpleasant, it kinda just was.
I was so nervous it actually took me a while to register that "hey, i'm actually having sex"

After i was comfortable with my then girlfriend, i had a spell where i was actually quicker during sex. For me, it seems my nerves at the time stopped me concentrating on the enjoyable part..
 
Graal said:
Hey, as I said, everyone needs to feel good about themselves. Just don't get your jimmies in a rustle when people call you out on having a highly implausible, not to mention inconsistent story. I still don't see how a girl would be screaming when a guy is going slow, unless the girl is, in fact, a fleshlight with a squeaky toy built in.

My first few times were pretty short. First time I don't believe I lasted two minutes, and the next few times weren't much better. There's actually a thread in here somewhere in which I was worrying about it. At least I'm honest about my first few times, though.
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Hey, maybe she was faking the sh.t out of it, i wouldn't know... It was my first time, definitely not hers. But anyway man, don't believe it, doesn't matter to anyone, nor am I going to lose any sleep over it !

Just as an FYI: If you actually count the time of the 2 songs i mentioned, it comes to just over 5 mins, cant remember the third song [as i said], but lets say its 3 min, that makes a total of 8, could have been 7 or 6, cause as i originally said, ALMOST lasted 3 songs., so I wasn't the one saying 10 mins guy.

anyway, enough about that. Moving along.
 
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