Yes. The concept of a 'manly man' is subjective. The general preconceived idea that men must be macho and 'man up', 'grow a pair' etc etc is complete crap and it irritates me when this stereotype is used all the time.
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Getting over a person
- Thread starter DerpiesFreud
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Yes. The concept of a 'manly man' is subjective. The general preconceived idea that men must be macho and 'man up', 'grow a pair' etc etc is complete crap and it irritates me when this stereotype is used all the time.
Is it? Because I'm not seeing a whole lot of threads from guys complaining some girl finds him too manly or concerns from guys that they somehow cant find their way into the friendzone rather that out of it. Now I might be mistaken but I think that most women will pick confidence over indecisiveness when it comes to choosing a potential suitor.
To quote Mark Twain "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
Or in the words of ChilliGirl "Man up"
Sure confidence, but confidence doesn't mean one has to be all macho; which is generally what those phrases imply. They refer to the patriarchal 'macho' role that men have come to identify, when instead one should be looking at things from the perspective of people in general. Not concerning ourselves with these silly gender roles.
There's a difference between masculinity and machismo.
That's why only used Macho
Velenoso
Expert Member
Women do approach men all the time. That's not the point. A woman is unlikely to approach you if you are staring at the ground and looking sorry for yourself. In my humble opinion, real men are becoming few and far between. I'm talking about simple things such as knowing a little about how a car works, changing a tyre. Not to say that this makes you a man, but it sure does help. It's helped me pick up a couple of women along the way.
Very well said.
Absolutely, I can't believe some of the threads on here. I've been to barbeques where the guy's actually can't start a fire or do the meat or anything. Vegetarians, Vegans, don't drink, don't smoke, don't drink milk, don't do this, don't do that. I mean women may as well go out with another woman in that case!
DerpiesFreud
Expert Member
I`l read and reply after lunch...
Oh and I cant easily touch people (childhood issues)
Oh and I cant easily touch people (childhood issues)
Unfortunately, once you've been friends with someone for a while, they start to think of you in a certain way and it's very hard to change their point of view if you develop feelings for them (resulting in "I just don't think of you in that way" type of responses).
However, for me, the constant wondering/hoping is much, much worse than being sure of how the other person feels, even if you get bad news. Once you know, you can decide what to do.
If they don't reciprocate, neither of your choices are good. You basically have to pick between experiencing constant bits of pain over a long time, or intense pain for a relatively short time and then being able to move on.
If you decide to stay friends you'll have to constantly remind yourself they're not for you. It might stay fun at first, but time spent together will be bittersweet (becoming more bitter than sweet as time goes by). Be prepared to feel a little part of yourself die every time they show interest in someone else. It's torture to be in close proximity to someone you want but can't have.
If you walk away it will hurt like hell, maybe for weeks (depending on how close you are). However, as long as you're willing to feel the pain to work through it, (while treating yourself gently), as time passes it will hurt less and less. Pain is temporary - unless you are unable to let go of it.
Eventually, though, you'll get to the point where you've let go and are able to move on.
Once you get to that point, you may be able to pick up the friendship again, without those messy non-platonic feelings interfering.
Good luck, either way.
However, for me, the constant wondering/hoping is much, much worse than being sure of how the other person feels, even if you get bad news. Once you know, you can decide what to do.
If they don't reciprocate, neither of your choices are good. You basically have to pick between experiencing constant bits of pain over a long time, or intense pain for a relatively short time and then being able to move on.
If you decide to stay friends you'll have to constantly remind yourself they're not for you. It might stay fun at first, but time spent together will be bittersweet (becoming more bitter than sweet as time goes by). Be prepared to feel a little part of yourself die every time they show interest in someone else. It's torture to be in close proximity to someone you want but can't have.
If you walk away it will hurt like hell, maybe for weeks (depending on how close you are). However, as long as you're willing to feel the pain to work through it, (while treating yourself gently), as time passes it will hurt less and less. Pain is temporary - unless you are unable to let go of it.
Eventually, though, you'll get to the point where you've let go and are able to move on.
Once you get to that point, you may be able to pick up the friendship again, without those messy non-platonic feelings interfering.
Good luck, either way.
ChilliGirl
PopCornPeddler
Macho is a gym charna that spends more time infront of the mirror than a woman does, in order for him to forget his steroids has shrunk his balls....
Women do approach men all the time. That's not the point. A woman is unlikely to approach you if you are staring at the ground and looking sorry for yourself. In my humble opinion, real men are becoming few and far between. I'm talking about simple things such as knowing a little about how a car works, changing a tyre. Not to say that this makes you a man, but it sure does help. It's helped me pick up a couple of women along the way.
I'm not contesting whether those skills are good or not. I think they are great skills and knowledge for everyone to have. Not just men. The problem is when you start assigning roles to people.
You're a man, so you should know how to change a tyre, should instead be: It is a useful skill for you (regardless of gender) to know how to change a tyre.
If you like someone, you should say so; it doesn't matter whether you are a woman or a man. Just because someone doesn't have enough confidence, doesn't mean they are less of a man, it just means they need to work on their confidence.
DerpiesFreud
Expert Member
masculinity/macho isn`t really an issue.
I make buff guys go :erm:
And all the braai/tyre changing stuff mentioned too
I`l probably tell her how I feel
but now I have another problem
reject : fine ok move on (I can deal with the pain)
accept : :erm: what now?? that way I`l probably hurt her too
The current best option is to poke around and get feedback without explicitly declaring anything?
I make buff guys go :erm:
And all the braai/tyre changing stuff mentioned too
I`l probably tell her how I feel
but now I have another problem
reject : fine ok move on (I can deal with the pain)
accept : :erm: what now?? that way I`l probably hurt her too
The current best option is to poke around and get feedback without explicitly declaring anything?
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With that claim you're now obligated to post pics.
DerpiesFreud
Expert Member
Something similar to this..
http://i.istockimg.com/file_thumbvi...oto-13443347-crazy-man-in-straight-jacket.jpg
Oh dear!
DerpiesFreud
Expert Member
Though I`m quite friendly once you get close to me
I have not followed this thread much and only read the first thread.
If I thought a women "liked me" and I "like them" then I would ask her if she wants to catch a movie. Watching a movie is probably the best option in this scenario as it's kinda intimate, but also not, and you don't have to talk much.
After the movie, go for a coffee and try and chat in a more intimate way, see if you can "light a fire"
. If it does then that's great! Move to the next level. Its great dating someone who you can also be close friends with.
Azbubu
Honorary Master
I disagree. From your posts in this thread, please don't tell her. 
DerpiesFreud
Expert Member
Dude I`m not myself anymore.I used to be this epic badass and now I`m like a teenager in love
Oh and she showed me that perhaps my paranoia is going too far.
....Perhaps Though this is the Internet which requires extra armor than personal life.Real world requires a different set of armor.I disagree. From your posts in this thread, please don't tell her.
TelkomUseless
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