Girlfriend advice

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TheGuy

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Hi Guys

I need some advice on this girl I've been seeing for the last 6 months. She is my first real girlfriend even thou I'm 30 years old. Only recently I've become happy in myself and ready to start dating people.

Now she is fully committed to this and she sees me as her long term partner.

I sometimes have the thought that, I wished she wasn't my first girlfriend as I would have liked to get some experience before meeting the one. I also still look at other girls a lot.

Together we have a lot of fun thou and share a lot of the same interests.

How do I know she is the one?
 
Tander said:
Its something only you can answer. Also, try not to get too series too soon. Take it easy and see how things go.
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Thanks but I sort of mentioned the fact to her that I was thinking this.
 
TheGuy said:
How do I know she is the one?
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That's easy, she isn't. No woman is. It's the biggest misconception guys have - that somewhere out there, after they've had fun with dozens of women, there is some magic ultimate partner who's been thoughtful enough to stay a virgin and all along has been saving herself for you.

That's a serious amount of pressure to put onto any woman. It's also a serious amount of pressure to put onto yourself, exactly like you already are. Until you stop looking at other women and wondering 'what if?', you're always going to be doubting whether you made The Right Choice(tm).

Decide what the main things are you want from your girlfriend, and then see if she's able to deliver those things to you. Love isn't a competition ... it's not about which woman can make you melt in her arms more when she kisses you, but does the one you're with do that? The rest of it is just discussion and compromise. Good luck!
 
TheGuy said:
Hi Guys

I need some advice on this girl I've been seeing for the last 6 months. She is my first real girlfriend even thou I'm 30 years old. Only recently I've become happy in myself and ready to start dating people.

Now she is fully committed to this and she sees me as her long term partner.

I sometimes have the thought that, I wished she wasn't my first girlfriend as I would have liked to get some experience before meeting the one. I also still look at other girls a lot.

Together we have a lot of fun thou and share a lot of the same interests.

How do I know she is the one?
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You're a bit late for a Friday thread.
 
Foxhound5366 said:
Decide what the main things are you want from your girlfriend, and then see if she's able to deliver those things to you. Love isn't a competition ... it's not about which woman can make you melt in her arms more when she kisses you, but does the one you're with do that? The rest of it is just discussion and compromise. Good luck!
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Once you start evaluating her in terms of your wants and requirements and whether she delivers for you, you've fatally sabotaged both your and her happiness. By doing so you make the relationship all about you and your wants. I guarantee that no-one can deliver.

It's not. Quite the reverse. For both of you.

Rather ask yourself: Can I see myself loving and serving and spending myself for this woman, putting her wants and needs and safety and good before mine? Answering that requires getting to know her well, and that takes time. If you jump the gun and enjoy the fruits of marriage before you've made the irrevocable commitment to mutual lifelong fidelity, what's to stop you or her from doing the same again with someone else in the future? Few pains are more agonizing than a heart broken in love. There's a simple check only you can answer in your own heart, and it requires self-knowledge and brutal honesty: Is her happiness more important to you than your own? Until you can unequivocally say yes, you're not ready to cement the bond. And of course she needs to do the same.
 
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Arthur said:
Once you start evaluating her in terms of your wants and requirements and whether she delivers for you, you've fatally sabotaged both your and her happiness. By doing so you make the relationship all about you and your wants. I guarantee that no-one can deliver.

It's not. Quite the reverse. For both of you.

Rather ask yourself: Can I see myself loving and serving and spending myself for this woman, putting her wants and needs and safety and good before mine? Answering that requires getting to know her well, and that takes time. If you jump the gun and enjoy the fruits of marriage before you've made the irrevocable commitment to mutual lifelong fidelity, what's to stop you or her from doing the same again with someone else in the future? Few pains are more agonizing than a heart broken in love. There's a simple check only you can answer in your own heart, and it requires self-knowledge and brutal honesty: Is her happiness more important to you than your own? Until you can unequivocally say yes, you're not ready to cement the bond. And of course she needs to do the same.
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That is by far the best advice I have ever seen. Good man!
 
Just be careful there OP. I like Arthur's advice too and would use it if I were you
 
Arthur said:
Once you start evaluating her in terms of your wants and requirements and whether she delivers for you, you've fatally sabotaged both your and her happiness. By doing so you make the relationship all about you and your wants. I guarantee that no-one can deliver.

It's not. Quite the reverse. For both of you.

Rather ask yourself: Can I see myself loving and serving and spending myself for this woman, putting her wants and needs and safety and good before mine? Answering that requires getting to know her well, and that takes time. If you jump the gun and enjoy the fruits of marriage before you've made the irrevocable commitment to mutual lifelong fidelity, what's to stop you or her from doing the same again with someone else in the future? Few pains are more agonizing than a heart broken in love. There's a simple check only you can answer in your own heart, and it requires self-knowledge and brutal honesty: Is her happiness more important to you than your own? Until you can unequivocally say yes, you're not ready to cement the bond. And of course she needs to do the same.
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This
 
Loser manages to snag a girl willing to put up with him after 30 years by some miracle. Finally starts getting laid. Loser suddenly thinks he is Cassanova who can get any flange he wants. Loser dumps girl to go chase skirt. Loser takes another 30 years to get laid again.

Pretty much how this story ends.

Don't be an idiot Los, er, OP.
 
Masturbate thoroughly before going to see your girlfriend. If you are still so into her after all that then maybe she's the one for you.
 
Kilgore_Trout_Redux said:
Loser manages to snag a girl willing to put up with him after 30 years by some miracle. Finally starts getting laid. Loser suddenly thinks he is Cassanova who can get any flange he wants. Loser dumps girl to go chase skirt. Loser takes another 30 years to get laid again.

Pretty much how this story ends.

Don't be an idiot Los, er, OP.
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It may seem harsh but it's true.
 
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