Girlfriend advice

Arthur said:
Once you start evaluating her in terms of your wants and requirements and whether she delivers for you, you've fatally sabotaged both your and her happiness. By doing so you make the relationship all about you and your wants. I guarantee that no-one can deliver.

It's not. Quite the reverse. For both of you.

Rather ask yourself: Can I see myself loving and serving and spending myself for this woman, putting her wants and needs and safety and good before mine? Answering that requires getting to know her well, and that takes time. If you jump the gun and enjoy the fruits of marriage before you've made the irrevocable commitment to mutual lifelong fidelity, what's to stop you or her from doing the same again with someone else in the future? Few pains are more agonizing than a heart broken in love. There's a simple check only you can answer in your own heart, and it requires self-knowledge and brutal honesty: Is her happiness more important to you than your own? Until you can unequivocally say yes, you're not ready to cement the bond. And of course she needs to do the same.
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great advice, Arthur.
 
Method said:
What? :eek:

Then I'm fscked...oh well *masturbates furiously*
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Curse your adulterous hart!

TJ99 said:
This explains why religious people are so uptight all the time. You're not allowed to have sex with anyone unless you're married (yeah, that's a brilliant idea), and you're not allowed to jack off to release the tension either. In some of them you're not allowed to use condoms either and of course abortions are also a sin. Sounds like a nice recipe for breeding armies of new little followers, ready to be indoctrinated.
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Suppose that was a good plan in the middle ages.
 
1. 6 months is not a long time to be dating in the broad scheme of things. Wait and see.
2. Arthur's advice is sound.
3. Foxhound is a honey. Zewp's just jealous.
4. The forum is a cruel place and I personally wouldn't bare my soul here.
 
bokdrol said:
1. 6 months is not a long time to be dating in the broad scheme of things. Wait and see.
2. Arthur's advice is sound.
3. Foxhound is a honey. Zewp's just jealous.
4. The forum is a cruel place and I personally wouldn't bare my soul here.
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but you bared alot more ...
 
bokdrol said:
3. Foxhound is a honey. Zewp's just jealous.
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No, Jol- I mean Foxhound genuinely seems to hate his fellow man. A guy asks a question about 'the one' and he automatically assumes it has to do with ****ing girls left, right and center and then expect the one he marries to be a virgin. Nobody mentioned sex or virginity, yet that was the first assumption he made.

He probably has a Tumblr blog titled "KILL ALL MEN". Anything useful he says is completely buried beneath a sea of misandry. He clearly has so much sand up his ass that the aliens have started building pyramids in there.
 
heartbroken said:
Suppose that was a good plan in the middle ages.
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Still a good plan now, if you're running one of these organisations. If people have a reasonable amount of children and are not permanently sexually frustrated, they have time and resources to spend on dangerous activities like thinking or learning.

Zewp said:
I don't adopt stupid labels and I don't need people on the internet to tell what to think, thank you very much.
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Oh good, back to your old self along with the old name. registerforfree was the reasonable persona, and it was a little creepy to be honest. Like that one Ekstasis clone that pretended to be gay. Hard to keep track of these things.
 
Zewp said:
No, Jol- I mean Foxhound genuinely seems to hate his fellow man. A guy asks a question about 'the one' and he automatically assumes it has to do with ****ing girls left, right and center and then expect the one he marries to be a virgin. Nobody mentioned sex or virginity, yet that was the first assumption he made.

He probably has a Tumblr blog titled "KILL ALL MEN". Anything useful he says is completely buried beneath a sea of misandry. He clearly has so much sand up his ass that the aliens have started building pyramids in there.
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I suspect he might have been to the beach, that is usually how sand gets 'all up in there'.
 
TheGuy said:
Hi Guys

I need some advice on this girl I've been seeing for the last 6 months. She is my first real girlfriend even thou I'm 30 years old. Only recently I've become happy in myself and ready to start dating people.

Now she is fully committed to this and she sees me as her long term partner.

I sometimes have the thought that, I wished she wasn't my first girlfriend as I would have liked to get some experience before meeting the one. I also still look at other girls a lot.

Together we have a lot of fun thou and share a lot of the same interests.

How do I know she is the one?
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No such thing as the one. There is the one right now. It might last, it might not. Just enjoy it.
 
Anyway, getting back on topic:

Arthur said:
Rather ask yourself: Can I see myself loving and serving and spending myself for this woman, putting her wants and needs and safety and good before mine? Answering that requires getting to know her well, and that takes time. If you jump the gun and enjoy the fruits of marriage before you've made the irrevocable commitment to mutual lifelong fidelity, what's to stop you or her from doing the same again with someone else in the future? Few pains are more agonizing than a heart broken in love. There's a simple check only you can answer in your own heart, and it requires self-knowledge and brutal honesty: Is her happiness more important to you than your own? Until you can unequivocally say yes, you're not ready to cement the bond. And of course she needs to do the same.
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This is rubbish. If she is 'the one' your needs will be closely aligned and no one will have to play second fiddle to the wants and desires of another. If you find yourself going out of your way to please her it will end in disaster (source: personal experience). The 'happiness level' of both must be equally important.

I would also suggest you indulge in the fruits of marriage as much as possible, nothing worse than falling in love only to later find out that you are totally incompatible on a physical level.
 
TJ99 said:
Oh good, back to your old self along with the old name. registerforfree was the reasonable persona, and it was a little creepy to be honest. Like that one Ekstasis clone that pretended to be gay. Hard to keep track of these things.
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Registerforfree was neither a different persona, nor did I claim to be when I posted under that nick. Sorry that I hurt your feelies a bit. I simply think the rabid anti-SJWs are just as bad as the SJWs they claim to hate and your completely out of the blue post in response to me telling Jola that he hates men is proof of that.

I can discuss someone's behavior without resorting to group think and generalizations of people who aren't even part of the discussion. I understand how this can be difficult for you to understand, but hopefully your kneejerk reaction isn't to go post a screencap of this post on the Anti-GamerGate harassment tumblr.
 
heartbroken said:
Anyway, getting back on topic:



This is rubbish. If she is 'the one' your needs will be closely aligned and no one will have to play second fiddle to the wants and desires of another. If you find yourself going out of your way to please her it will end in disaster (source: personal experience). The 'happiness level' of both must be equally important.

I would also suggest you indulge in the fruits of marriage as much as possible, nothing worse than falling in love only to later find out that you are totally incompatible on a physical level.
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That's not what he means. The idea is that she, too, puts his wants and needs before her own. If you start talking about "second fiddling" and who does more for the other, you are lost.
 
heartbroken said:
I would also suggest you indulge in the fruits of marriage as much as possible, nothing worse than falling in love only to later find out that you are totally incompatible on a physical level.
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This is a genuine issue and I wish conservatives would stop peddling the idea that sex needs to happen strictly within the confines of marriage. Sex is a very important part of any relationship, whether people like Arthur like to believe it or not. Nobody will settle for a lifetime of bad sex.
 
bokdrol said:
That's not what he means. The idea is that she, too, puts his wants and needs before her own. If you start talking about "second fiddling" and who does more for the other, you are lost.
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I realise that, just trying to try and drive home the point that he should not take a back seat and 'make her happy' just for the sake of it.

Zewp said:
This is a genuine issue and I wish conservatives would stop peddling the idea that sex needs to happen strictly within the confines of marriage. Sex is a very important part of any relationship, whether people like Arthur like to believe it or not. Nobody will settle for a lifetime of bad sex.
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If only, but they are so stuck up their own ideologies, that the don't realise it is ruining relationships instead of doing the good they think it does. Sex should happen strictly within the confines of where and when ever the hell you feel like it.
 
Nick333 said:
Really? Even the judgmental bit about sex out of wedlock?
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A well-written essay that spouts bullschit tends to get a lot of +1's, just because it's well written, not because it makes any sense... :p
 
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