Help for kid with dying mom

[Claymore]

Hoping someone can offer any additional advice here.

My son has a friend, D. D is 22, and studying at university. His dad died some year ago, and his mom's cancer has returned. She is currently in hospital, under sedation, and it sounds like she doesn't have very long left.

D is going to be left without much family, just his gran who must be mid-80s. He asked his friends group for advice on adulting - paying the bills, etc. etc., so my son approached us. D and his mom live in a townhouse unit which has a bond on it. They have another unit in another city; not sure if it has a bond or what happens with it, apparently it has been rented occasionally. D's mom has been unemployed for a few years, and they've been living off investments (possibly the dad's life insurance).

We chatted to D last night (tough conversation, but we're trying to be practical), and the stuff we could think of that he needs to get sorted are:

• Power of attorney, if his mom is conscious. This would make things much easier. I'm not sure how that's done though - is it just a form?
• Access to the mom's phone, email, computer, and bank accounts.
• On the call account, request the money be made available so it can be transferred out.
• Move money out of other bank accounts to D's account so that in the case of death, he has money when the accounts are frozen.
• Check on the mom's life insurance.
• Check if she has a will, and if so, where.
• Check the last three months of bank statements for regular payments, debit orders, etc. so that D can pay the accounts, move them to his own account, and that sort of thing. Especially utilities.
• Check on medical aid. If he's a dependant, he's better speak to the medical aid to be a full member.
• Try to get the car transferred to his name. He'll have to find the registration certificate.
• Find out from his mom what sort of funeral plans she wants.

We've offered to host him for dinners, let him visit to study if he has no power, come by if he wants somewhere else to stay, etc. My son and their friends will drive D around to the hospital, shops, etc. when needed. They'll be helping him with driving practice so D can get his licence soon. We did recommend he goes with a driving school for a couple of lessons and have them sort out the test for him.

Is there anything we've missed? We're trying to help him in practical ways.

 

[Sideshow Bob]

Hoping someone can offer any additional advice here.

My son has a friend, D. D is 22, and studying at university. His dad died some year ago, and his mom's cancer has returned. She is currently in hospital, under sedation, and it sounds like she doesn't have very long left.

D is going to be left without much family, just his gran who must be mid-80s. He asked his friends group for advice on adulting - paying the bills, etc. etc., so my son approached us. D and his mom live in a townhouse unit which has a bond on it. They have another unit in another city; not sure if it has a bond or what happens with it, apparently it has been rented occasionally. D's mom has been unemployed for a few years, and they've been living off investments (possibly the dad's life insurance).

We chatted to D last night (tough conversation, but we're trying to be practical), and the stuff we could think of that he needs to get sorted are:

• Power of attorney, if his mom is conscious. This would make things much easier. I'm not sure how that's done though - is it just a form?
• Access to the mom's phone, email, computer, and bank accounts.
• On the call account, request the money be made available so it can be transferred out.
• Move money out of other bank accounts to D's account so that in the case of death, he has money when the accounts are frozen.
• Check on the mom's life insurance.
• Check if she has a will, and if so, where.
• Check the last three months of bank statements for regular payments, debit orders, etc. so that D can pay the accounts, move them to his own account, and that sort of thing. Especially utilities.
• Check on medical aid. If he's a dependant, he's better speak to the medical aid to be a full member.
• Try to get the car transferred to his name. He'll have to find the registration certificate.
• Find out from his mom what sort of funeral plans she wants.

We've offered to host him for dinners, let him visit to study if he has no power, come by if he wants somewhere else to stay, etc. My son and their friends will drive D around to the hospital, shops, etc. when needed. They'll be helping him with driving practice so D can get his licence soon. We did recommend he goes with a driving school for a couple of lessons and have them sort out the test for him.

Is there anything we've missed? We're trying to help him in practical ways.

Well done. You are a good man. It must be devastating to lose father at young age and about to lose mother. I lost my mother to cancer few months ago and I still can't get over it despite being nowhere near D's age. I think you have covered a wide area. Most he will need is your continuous support on emotional level which I am sure you are providing it anyways.

 

[Kornhub]

Move money out of other bank accounts to D's account so that in the case of death, he has money when the accounts are frozen.

A word of advice from hearing from others. Move the money out before handing over the death certificate.

It seems like you got most of the basics covered but only time will reveal other circumstances it seems.

Like to add I really do feel for this poor kid. Losing parents at any age is tough but both at his age You are indeed a very good person.

 

[Devon101]

A word of advice from hearing from others. Move the money out before handing over the death certificate.

This. When my father passed away the lady at ABSA told us she would wait before loading the death certificate to allow my mother time to withdraw the funds before the account was frozen.

 

[Pho3nix]

Regarding Power of Attorney, you can get a template here : https://www.legalandtax.co.za/legal-hub/power-of-attorney

Forgot if it needs to be certified but most likely as banks won't help you without it.

Try start the process of selling the other unit because it becomes a PITA during the estate process :\
Sell anything that isn't needed, additional cars etc. Have cash on hand.
Check funeral covers + life-insurance.
As others mentioned, move the money to D's account and keep it separate for Funeral expenses
Ideally check if the bonded house has insurance which will pay it off.
When Mom passes, send the Death Certificate to creditors and Fathers as well. They *should* write it off.
Have pin/password to Mom's phone to call friends if not available already.

Chat to a therapist as well.

 

[Claymore]

Well done. You are a good man. It must be devastating to lose father at young age and about to lose mother. I lost my mother to cancer few months ago and I still can't get over it despite being nowhere near D's age. I think you have covered a wide area. Most he will need is your continuous support on emotional level which I am sure you are providing it anyways.

There's a very solid friends group which is helping a lot.

 

[Claymore]

Regarding Power of Attorney, you can get a template here : https://www.legalandtax.co.za/legal-hub/power-of-attorney

Forgot if it needs to be certified but most likely as banks won't help you without it.

Try start the process of selling the other unit because it becomes a PITA during the estate process :\
Sell anything that isn't needed, additional cars etc. Have cash on hand.
Check funeral covers + life-insurance.
As others mentioned, move the money to D's account and keep it separate for Funeral expenses
Ideally check if the bonded house has insurance which will pay it off.
When Mom passes, send the Death Certificate to creditors and Fathers as well. They *should* write it off.
Have pin/password to Mom's phone to call friends if not available already.

Chat to a therapist as well.

Thanks, those are good tips.

 

[Nerfherder]

Hoping someone can offer any additional advice here.

My son has a friend, D. D is 22, and studying at university. His dad died some year ago, and his mom's cancer has returned. She is currently in hospital, under sedation, and it sounds like she doesn't have very long left.

D is going to be left without much family, just his gran who must be mid-80s. He asked his friends group for advice on adulting - paying the bills, etc. etc., so my son approached us. D and his mom live in a townhouse unit which has a bond on it. They have another unit in another city; not sure if it has a bond or what happens with it, apparently it has been rented occasionally. D's mom has been unemployed for a few years, and they've been living off investments (possibly the dad's life insurance).

We chatted to D last night (tough conversation, but we're trying to be practical), and the stuff we could think of that he needs to get sorted are:

• Power of attorney, if his mom is conscious. This would make things much easier. I'm not sure how that's done though - is it just a form?
• Access to the mom's phone, email, computer, and bank accounts.
• On the call account, request the money be made available so it can be transferred out.
• Move money out of other bank accounts to D's account so that in the case of death, he has money when the accounts are frozen.
• Check on the mom's life insurance.
• Check if she has a will, and if so, where.
• Check the last three months of bank statements for regular payments, debit orders, etc. so that D can pay the accounts, move them to his own account, and that sort of thing. Especially utilities.
• Check on medical aid. If he's a dependant, he's better speak to the medical aid to be a full member.
• Try to get the car transferred to his name. He'll have to find the registration certificate.
• Find out from his mom what sort of funeral plans she wants.

We've offered to host him for dinners, let him visit to study if he has no power, come by if he wants somewhere else to stay, etc. My son and their friends will drive D around to the hospital, shops, etc. when needed. They'll be helping him with driving practice so D can get his licence soon. We did recommend he goes with a driving school for a couple of lessons and have them sort out the test for him.

Is there anything we've missed? We're trying to help him in practical ways.

Continue being as awesome as this.

 

[Pho3nix]

Oh and ask Mom to make him the beneficiary of things if not done already. Calls will usually suffice as another PITA trying to claim and proving it’s just you :/

 

[RiaX]

No uncles or aunts to assist ?

 

[agentrfr]

Hoping someone can offer any additional advice here.

My son has a friend, D. D is 22, and studying at university. His dad died some year ago, and his mom's cancer has returned. She is currently in hospital, under sedation, and it sounds like she doesn't have very long left.

D is going to be left without much family, just his gran who must be mid-80s. He asked his friends group for advice on adulting - paying the bills, etc. etc., so my son approached us. D and his mom live in a townhouse unit which has a bond on it. They have another unit in another city; not sure if it has a bond or what happens with it, apparently it has been rented occasionally. D's mom has been unemployed for a few years, and they've been living off investments (possibly the dad's life insurance).

We chatted to D last night (tough conversation, but we're trying to be practical), and the stuff we could think of that he needs to get sorted are:

• Power of attorney, if his mom is conscious. This would make things much easier. I'm not sure how that's done though - is it just a form?
• Access to the mom's phone, email, computer, and bank accounts.
• On the call account, request the money be made available so it can be transferred out.
• Move money out of other bank accounts to D's account so that in the case of death, he has money when the accounts are frozen.
• Check on the mom's life insurance.
• Check if she has a will, and if so, where.
• Check the last three months of bank statements for regular payments, debit orders, etc. so that D can pay the accounts, move them to his own account, and that sort of thing. Especially utilities.
• Check on medical aid. If he's a dependant, he's better speak to the medical aid to be a full member.
• Try to get the car transferred to his name. He'll have to find the registration certificate.
• Find out from his mom what sort of funeral plans she wants.

We've offered to host him for dinners, let him visit to study if he has no power, come by if he wants somewhere else to stay, etc. My son and their friends will drive D around to the hospital, shops, etc. when needed. They'll be helping him with driving practice so D can get his licence soon. We did recommend he goes with a driving school for a couple of lessons and have them sort out the test for him.

Is there anything we've missed? We're trying to help him in practical ways.

First you must find the will and get the family's lawyer on it. Everything else flows from that, most importantly cession of contracts / asset ownership and limitations of liabilities.

 

[pinball wizard]

What if you do all this and the mom recovers?

 

[marbro]

Things I missed

Double check the debit orders... I missed some. Your 3month statement thing is a good plan, but he can start the process now, Moving things over. I honestly cannot remember the first 3weeks after my wife passed. I dont remember who was at the funeral etc. There are bits here and there, But theres so much I missed.

Inform the insurance company that covers the bond, they might have cancer cover too. this could help if the medical aid bills run up too high.

Backup her phone, dont get rid of it... just back it up

Sell what ever assets there are that are not going to be used, as others mentioned, free up the cash. Cash = king... Boedel is kak...Double check the contract if there are tenants.. possibly sell the place? It wont go quick, she might

Inform the school of whats going on, They can start planning around exams/projects/classes that might be missed, Once his mom passes, theres no pushing pause.
Most importantly...
Therapy. GET SOME ****EN THERAPY!!!

other than that.. dude you are awesome, and i really hope D pulls through on this one. Life sucks, but we gotta do it.

 

[marbro]

What if you do all this and the mom recovers?

if shes sedated and the cancers returned... its not going to happen

Its most probably metastasized, and she wont be going home


Side note, if she does, Start researching home care... if he is with Discovery, they have a good Pallative care function he can use

 

[Jet-Fighter7700]

sad to hear, but Life carries on, I hope this kid grows up and isnt traumatized by this at such a young age.
think you have a solid plans to work on.

 

[pinball wizard]

if shes sedated and the cancers returned... its not going to happen

Its most probably metastasized, and she wont be going home


Side note, if she does, Start researching home care... if he is with Discovery, they have a good Pallative care function he can use

Ok.

I was talking legally.

That seems to be the thrust of this thread, emotion aside.

What happens if the OP implements all these things being discussed and (God forbid apparently) the mom doesn't die?

I get you all are defeatests and consider her dead already, and I'm the ****? Ok.

 

[Kosmik]

Hoping someone can offer any additional advice here.

My son has a friend, D. D is 22, and studying at university. His dad died some year ago, and his mom's cancer has returned. She is currently in hospital, under sedation, and it sounds like she doesn't have very long left.

D is going to be left without much family, just his gran who must be mid-80s. He asked his friends group for advice on adulting - paying the bills, etc. etc., so my son approached us. D and his mom live in a townhouse unit which has a bond on it. They have another unit in another city; not sure if it has a bond or what happens with it, apparently it has been rented occasionally. D's mom has been unemployed for a few years, and they've been living off investments (possibly the dad's life insurance).

We chatted to D last night (tough conversation, but we're trying to be practical), and the stuff we could think of that he needs to get sorted are:

• Power of attorney, if his mom is conscious. This would make things much easier. I'm not sure how that's done though - is it just a form?
• Access to the mom's phone, email, computer, and bank accounts.
• On the call account, request the money be made available so it can be transferred out.
• Move money out of other bank accounts to D's account so that in the case of death, he has money when the accounts are frozen.
• Check on the mom's life insurance.
• Check if she has a will, and if so, where.
• Check the last three months of bank statements for regular payments, debit orders, etc. so that D can pay the accounts, move them to his own account, and that sort of thing. Especially utilities.
• Check on medical aid. If he's a dependant, he's better speak to the medical aid to be a full member.
• Try to get the car transferred to his name. He'll have to find the registration certificate.
• Find out from his mom what sort of funeral plans she wants.

We've offered to host him for dinners, let him visit to study if he has no power, come by if he wants somewhere else to stay, etc. My son and their friends will drive D around to the hospital, shops, etc. when needed. They'll be helping him with driving practice so D can get his licence soon. We did recommend he goes with a driving school for a couple of lessons and have them sort out the test for him.

Is there anything we've missed? We're trying to help him in practical ways.

You got it quite nicely covered , first and foremost is to make sure all her affairs are in order.

If there is a second property, ensure that the rent /agreements etc are being handled, even if via a agent. The estate will keep the monies etc. Also keep in mind, on death, beneficiary policies are not part of the estate , so life etc should be paid directly to him, not sit waiting to be wound up. The balance may well take a while. Maybe make sure she has a active executor vs some dormant one and have the wishes needs/discussed before hand.

 

[Pho3nix]

Ok.

I was talking legally.

That seems to be the thrust of this thread, emotion aside.

What happens if the OP implements all these things being discussed and (God forbid apparently) the mom doesn't die?

I get you all are defeatests and consider her dead already, and I'm the ****? Ok.

She isn’t working so no problem running lean. She can remove the PoA then

 

[Kosmik]

Ok.

I was talking legally.

That seems to be the thrust of this thread, emotion aside.

What happens if the OP implements all these things being discussed and (God forbid apparently) the mom doesn't die?

I get you all are defeatests and consider her dead already, and I'm the ****? Ok.

Nah, all he can do is make sure her affair's are in order. The rest is up to her. If she chooses to sign power of attorney, it can be ringfenced etc.

 

[pinball wizard]

She isn’t working so no problem running lean. She can remove the PoA then

Nah, all he can do is make sure her affair's are in order. The rest is up to her. If she chooses to sign power of attorney, it can be ringfenced etc.

Ok.

I'd get proper legal advice. The things being discussed here are not simply undone.

But **** the old lady right? Where's the compassion?