Help for kid with dying mom

[Pho3nix]

Ok.

I'd get proper legal advice. The things being discussed here are not simply undone.

But **** the old lady right? Where's the compassion?

The advice I’m giving is what I did a year ago with the advice of a lawyer and bank. Not sure what the issue is


What can’t be undone? The PoA? It can, tell the bank it’s revoked. Selling of cars? But them with the cash. You seriously don’t want cash/assets sitting with the Estate lawyers for 12-18 months because you’ll be sitting in the dark and hungry.

 

[Kosmik]

Ok.

I'd get proper legal advice. The things being discussed here are not simply undone.

But **** the old lady right? Where's the compassion?

Not sure where the anger is coming from? If she is going in to hospice or palative care, its the sensible thing to do. Noone is saying he must abandon his mom etc, hell its the opposite. He's scared of being on his own at 22. Differant times, we were raised to be highly independant, the younger gens are vey much late home leavers and real life skills are lacking. Its a big mess to unravel, even normally.

But yes, they should consult proper legal advice , ideally with the intended executor so they can ALL sit in a room and things can be decided.

 

[pinball wizard]

Not sure what the issue is

Oh, nothing.

Maybe she wakes up and her accounts are emptied her assets are transferred to someone else, there's some sort of power of attorney in place so she can't even make decisions. Nothing serious


But you guys are the experts and I'm the **** for hoping she recovers.

D for Done.

 

[Pho3nix]

Oh, nothing.

Maybe she wakes up and her accounts are emptied her assets are transferred to someone else, there's some sort of power of attorney in place so she can't even make decisions. Nothing serious


But you guys are the experts and I'm the **** for hoping she recovers.

D for Done.

All this needs her permission unless she isn’t responsive. There things D needs to discuss with his Mother.

PoA can be specific to what he has control over.

Again, I went through this last year. This exact month actually is when my Mother died from cancer in hospital. D needs to have these conversations with his mother, especially if he is Black (funerals/ceremonies) etc.

 

[Nerfherder]

What if you do all this and the mom recovers?

Some times that can be even harder. Having to set up long term care for a sick parent is way more work.

I have done both.

 

[DapperDanMan]

Check if she has a will, and if so, where.

September is Free Wills Month in SA – here's how to get yours | Woman&Home

Every year National Wills Week allows attorneys to offer basic Will drafting services for free. This year, Wills Week was between 11 and 15 September 2023. If you’ve missed Wills Week, don’t fret, many attorneys and law firms are offering Wills Month for the entire month. Here's where to get yours.

www.womanandhomemagazine.co.za

National Wills Week Why Its Important | Capital Legacy

National Wills Week raises awareness about estate planning every year. This article explains why the annual campaign matters for South African families.

www.capitallegacy.co.za

By the way, Capital Legacy claims that they can save you a lot of fees and taxes when it comes to an inheritance.

 

[DapperDanMan]

Is there anything we've missed?

What happens to your debt when you die in South Africa?

Debt consultancy firm Debt Rescue explains what happens to your debt when you die in South Africa.

businesstech.co.za

 

[Kosmik]

All this needs her permission unless she isn’t responsive. There things D needs to discuss with his Mother.

PoA can be specific to what he has control over.

Again, I went through this last year. This exact month actually is when my Mother died from cancer in hospital. D needs to have these conversations with his mother, especially if he is Black (funerals/ceremonies) etc.

I speak out of turn but possibly @pinball wizard has had a bad experiance before. I've also been on a few sides of this coin, the best is for the parent to decide what needs to be done before it gets worse and create a living will and plan.

 

[Pho3nix]

I speak out of turn but possibly @pinball wizard has had a bad experiance before. I've also been on a few sides of this coin, the best is for the parent to decide what needs to be done before it gets worse and create a living will and plan.

Agreed suppose we have sadly seen both sides of such things.

 

[DapperDanMan]

Try to get the car transferred to his name. He'll have to find the registration certificate.

Even if he cannot find the registration certificate, he can have her sign the relevant documents to get a duplicate issued by the authorities.

The sooner he attempts to get the ball rolling on this, the smaller the chances of that vehicle getting lumped into the asset pool of his mother's pending estate ...

 

[Nerfherder]

Ok.

I'd get proper legal advice. The things being discussed here are not simply undone.

But **** the old lady right? Where's the compassion?

Ok, sure.

But I don't think any of this is being done without compassion for the mom ?

EDIT: I consider that if I was dying - I would want people to step in and help keep my kids on their feet. Especially if they were at a age like this.

 

[EnT@nGleD]

@Claymore if the mom is still of sound mind and agrees to your suggestions then I do not see a problem with your proposals. If she is not of sound mind and unable to take care of her own affairs, then you will not be able to get a power of attorney signed. The bank will not normally accept an external power of attorney. They will have to send someone from the closest branch to attend to this.

@pinball wizard, unfortunately, having gone through this recently when cancer returns it is usually way more aggressive than the initial cancer and has likely metastasized. Chemo/radiation can help prolong life somewhat, in my case months, giving you enough time to say goodbye but the outcome is pretty much inevitable without a "miracle". It makes sense to get all affairs in order as quickly as possible.

 

[Gone Fishing]

You're a really good man.

 

[Kosmik]

What happens to your debt when you die in South Africa?

Debt consultancy firm Debt Rescue explains what happens to your debt when you die in South Africa.

businesstech.co.za

Depending on this wording, it is false.

The role of an executor is crucial. Their first task is to verify the will’s authenticity. Once validated, the executor becomes the protector of all assets – property, investments, or insurance policies, ensuring they’re well-managed throughout the probate process.

An insurance that pays out to the deceased or thier estate maybe but any declared beneficiary payout ie: pension or life policy , is not part of the estate.

There are a lot of creditors who try chase those payments and get a person to sign a AOD or some such. A deceased persons debt has nothing to do with you UNLESS you are married in community of property but certainly nothing with child or distributed heirs.

 

[neoprema]

If it was just him and her, I imagine her will if she had one will have him listed?

Also be careful about the “grab and go” from accounts. My sisters boss at work lost his father and did that. Turns out he had a will and an executor who got the bank to release info on who took the money out. They then asked him did he have written permission to do that - he didn’t - and they said by law he has to return it or the Executors can sue for it. A POA may suffice I don’t know.

Either way you’re good for trying to help this person. Perhaps if there’s anything others can do here for him you can mention it. A person at that age should not have to deal with things like this. Mourning and losing a parent is bad enough to render you nonfunctional for a very long time. I would recommend therapy as well.

 

[Sepeng]

Not sure if it's been mentioned or if it's even too late but could the kid apply for any bursary? I know you said they're 22 but could have started late; if not a bursary there could be some sort of assistance provided due to their circumstances.
Beyond that and what's been said, just being there for him would be a big help I reckon.

 

[marbro]

Ok, sure.

But I don't think any of this is being done without compassion for the mom ?

EDIT: I consider that if I was dying - I would want people to step in and help keep my kids on their feet. Especially if they were at a age like this.

Seems to get a hard-on by being like this.. Pointless arguing

 

[LPCPT]

Hoping someone can offer any additional advice here.

My son has a friend, D. D is 22, and studying at university. His dad died some year ago, and his mom's cancer has returned. She is currently in hospital, under sedation, and it sounds like she doesn't have very long left.

D is going to be left without much family, just his gran who must be mid-80s. He asked his friends group for advice on adulting - paying the bills, etc. etc., so my son approached us. D and his mom live in a townhouse unit which has a bond on it. They have another unit in another city; not sure if it has a bond or what happens with it, apparently it has been rented occasionally. D's mom has been unemployed for a few years, and they've been living off investments (possibly the dad's life insurance).

We chatted to D last night (tough conversation, but we're trying to be practical), and the stuff we could think of that he needs to get sorted are:

• Power of attorney, if his mom is conscious. This would make things much easier. I'm not sure how that's done though - is it just a form?
• Access to the mom's phone, email, computer, and bank accounts.
• On the call account, request the money be made available so it can be transferred out.
• Move money out of other bank accounts to D's account so that in the case of death, he has money when the accounts are frozen.
• Check on the mom's life insurance.
• Check if she has a will, and if so, where.
• Check the last three months of bank statements for regular payments, debit orders, etc. so that D can pay the accounts, move them to his own account, and that sort of thing. Especially utilities.
• Check on medical aid. If he's a dependant, he's better speak to the medical aid to be a full member.
• Try to get the car transferred to his name. He'll have to find the registration certificate.
• Find out from his mom what sort of funeral plans she wants.

We've offered to host him for dinners, let him visit to study if he has no power, come by if he wants somewhere else to stay, etc. My son and their friends will drive D around to the hospital, shops, etc. when needed. They'll be helping him with driving practice so D can get his licence soon. We did recommend he goes with a driving school for a couple of lessons and have them sort out the test for him.

Is there anything we've missed? We're trying to help him in practical ways.

This is how a community should react. Well done sir

 

[rrh]

Re a PoA There is no concept of persistence in South African law, said PoA being based on the laws of agency.

Any and all PoAs are terminated the moment that the principal lacks the ability to act on their own behalf.

Details

 

[Kornhub]

Well done. You are a good man. It must be devastating to lose father at young age and about to lose mother. I lost my mother to cancer few months ago and I still can't get over it despite being nowhere near D's age. I think you have covered a wide area. Most he will need is your continuous support on emotional level which I am sure you are providing it anyways.

So sorry to hear this man.