Help! I think I'm wanted...

M

Merlin

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Um...I have a strange dilemma to deal with...

Keeping it simple, today I met a whole bunch of chaps who share an interest in the same specialised hobby that I do. One of them, a much older gentleman than I am, and myself spoke quite a bit. He's quite clued up and is a good contact to have. The group of us chatted over breakfast and at the end, this chap and myself exchanged numbers with a view to further conversation.

This evening I got an SMS inviting me around for some coffee...

It seemed a little odd, so later on I did some FB stalking, based on a theory...

I'm fairly certain now that that guy is either openly or closeted Gay, which makes the phrasing of his SMS invite all the more clear; I'm, Um, being 'invited'...

I'm certainly not a homophobe, before you ask. The guy is quite sociable and a great hobby contact to have, but quite frankly, I'm looking for melons & a guava more than a banana. How do I politely and discreetly handle this situation, bearing in mind that he hasn't openly admitted to anything and that I'd like to sort things out before I arrive for coffee and am greeted with a disturbing sight? :eek:

Your advice would be most welcome.
 
W

Wag

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And also if you drop something do not bend down to pick it up.
 
H

HavocXphere

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Tell him you can't make it. Do not offer an alternative time/date.

If he tries the same thing again. Rinse & repeat.

I'm sure he'll catch the drift eventually.

I'm entirely oblivious to the whole thing too - I just assume people are friendly like that & thats just how they are. Don't care tbh as long as they don't try to get physically close to me.
 
Grant

Grant

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ch@rge said:
This...
And don't arrive wearing pink, tight trousers or playing Justin Bieber - Then you should be alright... :p
Click to expand...

I dunno.
Maybe wearing some spandex & whistling showtunes will throw him right off balance.
 
Mortymoose

Mortymoose

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Tell him he is too old for you and you are in the market for younger blood with more hair...
 
ant_man

ant_man

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I say go for coffee, as you share a common interest

The only reason you are apprehensive is because he is gay.

What would you have done if he wasn't gay, I presume you wouldn't have thought twice as you would think it would be to chat about your hobby.

If he does make advances of any sort simply tell him that you are not interested.

All us gay folk don't go stalking guys to get our kicks.
 
ant_man

ant_man

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HavocXphere said:
Better to let the thing crash & burn immediately than to create false hope.
Click to expand...

Presumption are the Mother of all F#ck Ups.

2 Choices here,
Go, if he makes any advances tell him to go and fly a kite or
Send him a sms and tell him that you are busy and you can't make it.
 
T

TheGuy

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My gay friends usually have pretty good Gaydar so if you weren't giving out all sort of signals I think you should be ok.

Can you not arrange to do the hobby together, that might give him a clear signal?
 
copacetic

copacetic

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This is going to be an interesting test of MyBB moderation policy...
 
C

ch@rge

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After that picture - I'm even more curious to know what the hobby is!
 
M

Merlin

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I'd give you lot hell for your comical take on my dilemma, but honestly, I'd probably be doing the same if the situation were reversed. :D

Firstly, I may be somewhat naïve with some things, but I'm pretty certain I've read the situation correctly.

Secondly, hell no was I giving out any signals. There happened to be a rather lovely young lady in the group and I'm pretty certain I was caught out more than a few times oggling her.

Thirdly, "specialised hobby" is a little off in descriptive terms, but seeing as how it's irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, it'll suffice.

Lastly, him being [presumably] Gay has no bearing on my socialising with him. However, him hitting on me would.

Having given the matter further thought, I think I shall organise a replacement meeting on my own terms and if anything happens, handle it matter-of-factly and decisively, stating my love for the fairer, not fairy, sex.
 
Grant

Grant

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TheGuy said:
is this one of your recent house parties? :D
Click to expand...


Indeed it was, you probably just had a little too much to drink that afternoon which is why your memory is a bit hazy.
But if you look carefully you will see yourself floating on your back, near the middle of the pool.
I took the pic then did a swan dive into the water :D
 
S

Stefanmuller

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Mar 12, 2008
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Would it have been OK if he had invited you for a beer instead? I see why you might be concerned but there is no reason to be. Seeing that you two has just met, any method of him trying to contact you would seem strange if you look through the glasses of him being gay. You should base your acceoting of the invite purely on whether you would actually want to meet up with him again (hobby or friendship wise) rather than seeing it as a hit on you without knowing 100%. Straight guys tend to see niceness and friendliness and general interest from a gay guy as being hit on, which is not the case always. Put another way, if you think like that then anyone you know who are gay, cant be nice to you.

I see your situation though. Just ask yourself if you want to see the dude again or go hobbying. If not and you feel uncomfortable, just avoid him in a nice way.
 
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