How Long Is Too Long?

jak3 said:
I've seen guys do this, and it annoys me no end. The thought of eating up what is essentially someones youth when in all honestly they know they will likely not commit long term is fairly pathetic really, and is rather selfish. You are only young once, so don't waste it with someone who is clearly not 100% committed to you. If he loves you as much as i'm sure he says he does then he would have taken the hint and made a decision over those 6 years. :)
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+1000
Sad but true of my current situation.
 
killadoob said:
What happened when you left him? What did he do or say?
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Well he said "I'm really sorry I hurt you I mean it" then began to try an convince me that I should still go on the vacation that we booked and paid for because the refund policy sucks and we will loss money. WTF?! I'm either going on the hols without him or getting ripped off and only getting a few cents back of what i paid. But anything will beat ever feeling this hurt, used and embarrassed.
 
Waaib said:
Thing to say Number 2:
I don't understand this thing were folks plan to get engaged in a year's time.
I understand it even less after 6 years of dating.
What's the hold up? Do you want to be married or not? If so get on with it!
If not then do the other person the courtesy of at least talking through the fact that you don't want to get married so they can decide to move on or hang around.
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I also don't understand this... I think its because people think that an engagement has to involve a ring and a wedding right away.

When I got engaged I had been saving up to get the ring and we had been discussing it for some time. When My then GF pushed me for an exact time we would get engaged I said that either we could get engaged now and she could have a ring for R4k... or we could wait a little bit longer and get the ring she wanted.... that showed what was important. She knew I wanted to propose and get it right and then she was prepared to wait.

As soon as we were engaged people wanted to know what our date for the wedding was, so I think that its a peer pressure thing. There is no reason why you can't get engaged and then wait a while before you get married, often its to save up for the wedding.
 
LollyGP said:
Well he said "I'm really sorry I hurt you I mean it" then began to try an convince me that I should still go on the vacation that we booked and paid for because the refund policy sucks and we will loss money. WTF?! I'm either going on the hols without him or getting ripped off and only getting a few cents back of what i paid. But anything will beat ever feeling this hurt, used and embarrassed.
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Oh wow.

How practical of him. :/
 
Definitely move on his he cant give you any commitment after 6 years
 
Nerfherder said:
Oh wow.

How practical of him. :/
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I know! He is ok with losing me but not the hols or money! And even said "we'll still have fun" LOL!

Now I have the embracement having to say 'Hey folks, remember how last week we said we were getting engaged... Um well we arnt really, we are actually breaking up! Sorry for the misscommunication but I was misinformed'

So angry now!
 
Waaib said:
Don't confuse love with marriage/commitment. Different things.
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I certainly get your point, but in her context i do think if he actually wanted to be with her long term he wouldn't see a problem with a formal arrangement. But if on the other hand he wasn't quite into her, well then i think it would be correct to say he doesn't love her completely.

The issue here comes down to how we define love. For me its characterized by empathy, and the thought that you hold someone else's needs above your own. E.g. a Parent for a child.

If that isn't happening at a sufficient level then i wouldn't define what is being felt as love in its strictest sense. But yeah, love is a broad word with a 100 meanings it seems.
 
LollyGP said:
I know! He is ok with losing me but not the hols or money! And even said "we'll still have fun" LOL!

Now I have the embracement having to say 'Hey folks, remember how last week we said we were getting engaged... Um well we arnt really, we are actually breaking up! Sorry for the misscommunication but I was misinformed'

So angry now!
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After 6 years of being together, he must have started seeing you as no more than a buddy to hangout and occasionally have sex with. Good thing you didn't marry him. Time for a more exciting new start.
 
LollyGP said:
Well he said "I'm really sorry I hurt you I mean it" then began to try an convince me that I should still go on the vacation that we booked and paid for because the refund policy sucks and we will loss money. WTF?! I'm either going on the hols without him or getting ripped off and only getting a few cents back of what i paid. But anything will beat ever feeling this hurt, used and embarrassed.
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I'm 31 Married and have children.

I'll go on Holiday with you. You can see I have no commitment issues




:D
 
Lolly, I find your post very touching. I hear your cri de coer. Of course you are right - no woman should wait that long for man to make up his mind whether he loves her and is prepared to forsake all else for her. Even really dim men will know enough to decide within a few months. The best and most practical advice I can give you is the same as that your grandmother and your ancestors would give you. It's the wisdom of the ancients. Of course I'm well aware that most people's reaction will be howls of derision and scorn. It might well be your reaction as well. Still, it's worth saying: don't fvck outside of marriage. If you do, marriage won't change anything - why should it? Sooner or later someone else comes along who's more exciting, and the fvcking continues with someone else, and your hearts are broken. Draw the line. You're too precious, and your love is too valuable, to squander on someone else's hesitation. Move on.
 
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LollyGP you did the right thing, it's selfish, inconsiderate and immature to toe someone along. You should probably have done this sooner though.

EDIT: And don't feel embarrassed because this tool lied to you, just tell the truth. It's not your fault he he's the only one looking like a tool!
 
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Ninja'd said:
Raise of hands. Who read the title and thought penises?

hand_raising.jpg
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Aye.
 
LOL pit

Lolly you are going about this all wrong and perhaps i am not a very sensitive person but find the positives, you seem to be harping on the negatives too much which will only build and build until you hate him.

Positives:

You are now free to find someone amazing who wants to spend the rest of their lives with you or at the very least one night and the one nighters are a plenty. You don't need negatives. There is nothing you can do, you cannot get the 6 years back and you are on your own now to make your new life and find someine ridiculously awesome.

You can go bone a few dudes to get him out your system, although you don't seem like a bone a different dude every week kinda girl but still you can do anything you like and think how exciting it's going to be.

Buck up and every time you think something negative hit back with 5 positives even if you have to think about, negatives will only do harm and since you cannot get in a time machine your only way forward is to accept all of this and realize there is no going back and changing it.
 
I had a friend, he had a gf, he wanted to go home one sunday because he had to study for an exam, she stood at the door with a knife saying 'You're abandoning me!'

nuff said.
 
^^vampire^^ said:
I had a friend, he had a gf, he wanted to go home one sunday because he had to study for an exam, she stood at the door with a knife saying 'You're abandoning me!'

nuff said.
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Sounds like a keeper to me. The sex must be off the chart amazing.
 
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