How Long Is Too Long?

Move on. You need to look after your interests too. 6 years with no commitment is far too long.
I'm sure that it is not easy, hopefully you will find the right guy.
Hope you find happiness soon!
 
LollyGP said:
My thoughts exactly


In the past i have also thought of it as just a piece of paper but of recent years there are many reasons i guess on why i want to marry: Morals, religion, values of life long commitment, age, womanly desires, starting a family someday... A mere verbal commitment is not enough when i am getting older and have set certain goals for my life and am making the huge decision of who i want to spend the rest of my life with (He has gone back on his 'word') I know not all woman see as a 'need' but as i do. For me it seems as thou there are many reasons that have affected my decision to want to marry and they have all been positive. I come from parents who have a loving, happy marriage and have never had a reason to fear such a commitment.
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Lolly,

For him keeping you on a line I fully agree with you being pissed and also say kick his ass to the curb. The question I asked was in general and not for your particular situation though :) Myself an my now lovely wife when we started dating/moving in/had kids. We both decided that we'll get married when we're ready.

She jumped it on me though and I just went with it in the end. (I guess I needed a little push :D) But I have heard of so many people saying: "I don't want to get married" They are in a relationship for a year or so then start pushing for marriage. (Not that this was the case here.) I have just seen similar stories where the woman didn;t want to get married then out of the blue it's like it's her mission in life... That I just could never understand :D
 
Im impressed you ended it, most people just stay because its comfortable and they are scared to start dating again.
Dont go looking for love because you seldom find it like that.
He is a waste of time though, so dont look back.
Were you guys living together?
Getting married and having "the piece of paper" is a big deal, dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
I have seen a *very* big difference between long term couples that werent married and ones that were. The married ones are happier together in general and more confident about their relationship. The other thing is that when times get tough and the relationship takes strain then its far harder to go through a divorce and all that entails than to just give up and say "its over"
There is no common law wife anymore so dont think there is any security there.
 
Rocket-Boy said:
Im impressed you ended it, most people just stay because its comfortable and they are scared to start dating again.
Dont go looking for love because you seldom find it like that.
He is a waste of time though, so dont look back.
Were you guys living together?
Getting married and having "the piece of paper" is a big deal, dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
I have seen a *very* big difference between long term couples that werent married and ones that were. The married ones are happier together in general and more confident about their relationship. The other thing is that when times get tough and the relationship takes strain then its far harder to go through a divorce and all that entails than to just give up and say "its over"
There is no common law wife anymore so dont think there is any security there.
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:confused:

Did I miss something?
 
Effective communication and perhaps counselling. Suggest that and see what he says. If you stuck with him for 6 years, and he feels pressured now, then there's clearly some underlying issues which have been brought up. Ultimately, if you do completely write him off, then are you willing to go through another 6 years to get to know someone as well as you do him? Just another perspective to be honest - not one i personally subscribe to :D
 
According to the law you are already his common-law partner because you are living together for 6 years, therefore you have the same rights as a proper wife that is married in community of property! Just a thought.
 
catruter said:
According to the law you are already his common-law partner because you are living together for 6 years, therefore you have the same rights as a proper wife that is married in community of property! Just a thought.
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That was my point but Rocket-Boy said it changed?
 
The_Unnamed said:
For security i guess. Rather marriage then she forgets to take the pill or something and a mistake comes along :p.
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Deff for the security and i have never been the vindictive or forgetful type when it comes to taking my pill.

Nerfherder said:
I know that some people don't like the idea of marriage and weddings... if so then they should make that known upfront. If you want the security of marriage (and the fun of a wedding)
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Ninja'd said:
And the wedding dress. Nevar forget.
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I am not that type of woman and the wedding and dress and being a princess (i already am;) )crap don't interest me, its more the obvious values and principles of the commitment that do.


killadoob said:
I watched a move on this topic a couple days ago. Awesome movie with jennifer aniston forget the name but it could help you.

The most important thing is how does he treat you? does he treat you like you mean everything to him?

You also have the mother issue is he is a mommies boy, does she like you? Most mommies boys have mothers who can't let go.

Does he believe in marriage?
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I think the movie your referring to is "he's just not that into you, and if i could describe our relationship it would be just like that, we are good together, best friends, same interests, but everyone around me getting older is setting their goals and honoring their vows and he doesn't want to and I'm tired of pretending that it doesn't matter to me when it does.

He does treat me really well but is that just good enough, should i just settle? What about what i want to be happy?


He doesn't even like discussing it, his parents got divorced when he was younger then back together after a few years. But do i have to suffer because his parents divorced and he has some fear. If it is a commitment phobia (which in his case would be an excuse) why do i have to bare the brunt of it when i have been nothing but committed and faithful all along.
 
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Had an interesting discussion in the office a while back and apparently you should know in the first 6 months if you going to be with someone "forever"

My 2c, If you not happy with what you have and know what you want, don't wait for tomorrow, go out and get it now, as they say life's way too short...
 
Well lolly if he was that into you he would have done what the guy in that movie did, even though it was something he was against.

So the writing was on the wall. What happened when you left him? What did he do or say?
 
Yay! I believe I'm qualified to have a view on this. I'm over 30 and been married twice. The first one was after 6 years of dating. The second one after 1 year of dating.

I have 2 things to say:

Thing to say Number 1:
You know when people say, 'We just grew apart" and then they get divorced?
What they mean is they want or wanted different things.
What you seem to have is a situation where you want different things.
Breaking up is a good call in my view.
If he comes back with a counter offer, in the shape of an engagement ring, then be very sure you talk through your and his specific wants and expectations of the next 30 years (at least). You might find the counter offer is a emotional thing based on a 6 to 18 month view and does not take into account the long term future.

Thing to say Number 2:
I don't understand this thing were folks plan to get engaged in a year's time.
I understand it even less after 6 years of dating.
What's the hold up? Do you want to be married or not? If so get on with it!
If not then do the other person the courtesy of at least talking through the fact that you don't want to get married so they can decide to move on or hang around.
 
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I've seen guys do this, and it annoys me no end. The thought of eating up what is essentially someones youth when in all honestly they know they will likely not commit long term is fairly pathetic really, and is rather selfish. You are only young once, so don't waste it with someone who is clearly not 100% committed to you. If he loves you as much as i'm sure he says he does then he would have taken the hint and made a decision over those 6 years. :)
 
jak3 said:
I've seen guys do this, and it annoys me no end. The thought of eating up what is essentially someones youth when in all honestly they know they will likely not commit long term is fairly pathetic really, and is rather selfish. You are only young once, so don't waste it with someone who is clearly not 100% committed to you. If he loves you as much as i'm sure he says he does then he would have taken the hint and made a decision over those 6 years. :)
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Don't confuse love with marriage/commitment. Different things.
 
Did you watch the movie " He is just not into you" . I think it showed a few possible senarios , good and bad. You should watch it and see which one is yours.

Edit: lol i started typing this response before 12 and when i clicked reply you were on page 3.
 
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