How to make friends?

[DerpiesFreud]

Hello,I don`t know if this is how people make friends but I`ve read lots of books and studied people so this is my basic algorithm on how to make friends.

Feel free to critique/advise on it etc
Is this how most people generally do it?

Step 1 :
Meet person, though something common like a hobby, club, group etc

This is easy, as there are plenty of possibly suitable people around in this world.
Just join a club or something similar

said person will now be an acquaintance.
You might help them if they need help,but only because you`re a human being.
You know bits of information about them,but not much about their feelings.

Step 2 :
Initiate contact with person, usually a friendly conversation starter or if you`re lucky a common activity/reason for contact.

I struggle quite a bit with this...
I tried saying hello and introducing myself and making small talk about the common thing we share
It worked fine but then things never progressed beyond that.

Still acquaintance but moving into friend territory.
You might help them if they need help,but only because you`re a human being but now you`d be more willing to help them since you`re closer to them.

You know a decent amount about them and a bit about their feelings.

Step 3 :
Escalate level of 'friendship', usually by more common interests and interaction outside of the common/shared activity. may/may not work depending on the other person.

I have absolutely no fekking clue how to do this....Share personal information?, feelings?, spend time together?
maintain regular contact? it just happens?

Now this person is your friend right?
You`d likely help them out because they are your friend and you want to help them.

You know a lot about them and their feelings and probably vice versa...


Optional : Step 4:
Again escalate, may/may not work depending on the other person.

I have no clue how to do this either.Same as step 4.

This person is a close friend.Most people have a few,I think I have a few.
You`d likely want to help them if they need help,such as being stranded,shot,needing to bury a body

They probably know your personal secrets and you know theirs...

Side note : I`m dealing with this with my psychologist,but in the meantime I posted this
Social things are incredibly complex...

 

[Pho3nix]

Getting to step 2 is hard enough
I'll be your friend nuke

/prepares for internet rejection

 

[googoodoll]

This is what I would do.

 

[googoodoll]

On a serious note...
I know very little about having friends since I'm a lone ranger but given the opportunity I love chatting so just talk a lot and make friends .
You should take the first steps too - don't expect others to do it. And don't be too nice
Also, you should ask the people who you would like to be friends with for assistance or opinions on things so that they feel like you value their input. Or even ask them for help. But not too much that they think you're abusing them.

 

[Pooky]

 

[Pooky]

I'm so scared because people say they meet their best friends for life at university and I haven't so will I be a loner Scrooge forever

 

[chrisc]

Did you not make friends at school or university? I still see guys I met in the 1960's, but make new friends all the time. Your own friends will introduce you to their friends and so on. If you are an easy-going sort of person it should not be difficult. Just do not come on too forcefully and respect other people's opinions, even if they are diametrically opposed to your own.

Also rather be a listener than a talker. The person to whom you are speaking does not want a lecture, even if you are an expert on the subject

 

[chrisc]

I'm so scared because people say they meet their best friends for life at university and I haven't so will I be a loner Scrooge forever

"loner" and "scrooge". These are traits that you would want to avoid IMHO. You need not become the last of the big spenders, but the offer of a contribution is often appreciated.

 

[Pooky]

"loner" and "scrooge". These are traits that you would want to avoid IMHO. You need not become the last of the big spenders, but the offer of a contribution is often appreciated.

Hahaha when you rolling with Obama no contribution will be big enough

 

[DerpiesFreud]

On a serious note...
I know very little about having friends since I'm a lone ranger but given the opportunity I love chatting so just talk a lot and make friends .
You should take the first steps too - don't expect others to do it. And don't be too nice
Also, you should ask the people who you would like to be friends with for assistance or opinions on things so that they feel like you value their input. Or even ask them for help. But not too much that they think you're abusing them.

Before I would never ask for help.It was burnt into me that I should do things on my own,even if I have to walk 10km with a broken leg....I`ve learn`t some common sense now though, I will ask for help when I have no other option.
Hmm being to nice is an interesting point.I`l point out how to tell if people are sociopathic/using you in my next post
Nice dolls..

I'm so scared because people say they meet their best friends for life at university and I haven't so will I be a loner Scrooge forever

I can safely say I haven`t met my best friends at highschool, university we`ll see...

Did you not make friends at school or university? I still see guys I met in the 1960's, but make new friends all the time. Your own friends will introduce you to their friends and so on. If you are an easy-going sort of person it should not be difficult. Just do not come on too forcefully and respect other people's opinions, even if they are diametrically opposed to your own.

Also rather be a listener than a talker. The person to whom you are speaking does not want a lecture, even if you are an expert on the subject

I`m a bit too much of a listener....I don`t know when to speak, especially in groups, ocassionally that does fail and I end up being ignored. I am quite chilled and passive on the outside, I rarely if ever get into arguments with people, I`ve learn`t to pick my battles.

"loner" and "scrooge". These are traits that you would want to avoid IMHO. You need not become the last of the big spenders, but the offer of a contribution is often appreciated.

I always pay for my own stuff.ALWAYS, if not I`l consider it a loan and pay the person back later.
I`d like to say I`m a loner, which I am, but I do get quite lonely at times...

 

[copacetic]

I don't make friends easily, although I've realized after many years that I actually get on with human beings a hell of a lot better than I initially thought.

Small talk is the bane of my existence, and it leads to a lot of awkward social moments, so what I tend to do is be honest and open to the point of absurdity, and the bonus of this is that the people who like this are similar to me generally.

I have a handful of very good friends, and seem to pick another one up every two years or so.

 

[Stefanmuller]

When I think about it, I dont really have a best friend and never had one. I always just mingled with the same people at school but we would not really do stuff after school. Friends I had after school and even now will be a group of three or more of us. I never had a single best friend I do stuff with or go have a beer with alone. It has always been a group of very good acquaintances or a friendship group. I tend to get along with most people and like to talk to people.

Nowadays I have a group of friends for the last 10 years and it is not as though anyone is a best friend. When I want to do something I call whoever is available or when whoever invites me I will go.

For someone who struggles with friendship I will say dont try too hard or treat it like a love affair. It does not need to be an all-in situation. Just be nice and chat with people.

 

[atomcrusher]

Hello,I don`t know if this is how people make friends but I`ve read lots of books and studied people so this is my basic algorithm on how to make friends.

Feel free to critique/advise on it etc
Is this how most people generally do it?

Step 1 :
Meet person, though something common like a hobby, club, group etc

This is easy, as there are plenty of possibly suitable people around in this world.
Just join a club or something similar

said person will now be an acquaintance.
You might help them if they need help,but only because you`re a human being.
You know bits of information about them,but not much about their feelings.

Step 2 :
Initiate contact with person, usually a friendly conversation starter or if you`re lucky a common activity/reason for contact.

I struggle quite a bit with this...
I tried saying hello and introducing myself and making small talk about the common thing we share
It worked fine but then things never progressed beyond that.

Still acquaintance but moving into friend territory.
You might help them if they need help,but only because you`re a human being but now you`d be more willing to help them since you`re closer to them.

You know a decent amount about them and a bit about their feelings.

Step 3 :
Escalate level of 'friendship', usually by more common interests and interaction outside of the common/shared activity. may/may not work depending on the other person.

I have absolutely no fekking clue how to do this....Share personal information?, feelings?, spend time together?
maintain regular contact? it just happens?

Now this person is your friend right?
You`d likely help them out because they are your friend and you want to help them.

You know a lot about them and their feelings and probably vice versa...


Optional : Step 4:
Again escalate, may/may not work depending on the other person.

I have no clue how to do this either.Same as step 4.

This person is a close friend.Most people have a few,I think I have a few.
You`d likely want to help them if they need help,such as being stranded,shot,needing to bury a body

They probably know your personal secrets and you know theirs...

Side note : I`m dealing with this with my psychologist,but in the meantime I posted this
Social things are incredibly complex...

I'm now retired, and quite old, so if I tried to read through all those different steps, I'd be dead before I made any friends

 

[ponder]

Huh, people need advice on how to make friends? Is that not supposed to be some natural sort of thing you don't think about or analyse?

I'm not sure what to make of this.

 

[DerpiesFreud]

I don't make friends easily, although I've realized after many years that I actually get on with human beings a hell of a lot better than I initially thought.

Small talk is the bane of my existence, and it leads to a lot of awkward social moments, so what I tend to do is be honest and open to the point of absurdity, and the bonus of this is that the people who like this are similar to me generally.

I have a handful of very good friends, and seem to pick another one up every two years or so.

I also generally dislike small talk, Unless it serves a greater purpose,which it can...

I'm now retired, and quite old, so if I tried to read through all those different steps, I'd be dead before I made any friends

lol tl;dr talk talk talk

Huh, people need advice on how to make friends? Is that not supposed to be some natural sort of thing you don't think about or analyse?
well I`m not exactly natural,nor is my artificial construct,nor are the things in my head
I'm not sure what to make of this.

 

[SauRoNZA]

I'm not sure you'd ever make any friends with analytical approach like this.

 

[DerpiesFreud]

I'm not sure you'd ever make any friends with analytical approach like this.

Yes I have...add a bit of human institution though

 

[SauRoNZA]

Should just plain human intuition do the job?

If you are this analytical about it, are you still human?

I thought I was antisocial, but according to this apparently not.

 

[DerpiesFreud]

Should just plain human intuition do the job?

If you are this analytical about it, are you still human?

I thought I was antisocial, but according to this apparently not.

Biologically I am human,Psychologically not so much :erm:
I agree about just plain intuition, however I do not possess such a luxury(mine is extremely limited)
I never had good social skills and EQ,
as put by my psych, I`m using an IQ based system to handle EQ type events...which makes me appear to have decent social skills to the world

 

[googoodoll]

Step 1 in making friends - talk about hair