How to make friends?

I think the bigger problem is that you are genuinely not interested in the other person. You live more in your own world and what is important to you. It is an absolute pain to ask the other person how he/she is doing, as it is a pain to actually show interest in what their response is :)

Think about this and tell me if you relate to this :)
 
Have you tried the Stockholm method?

It sounds most appropriate for you.
 
nukefission said:
nope :cry:
Click to expand...

Jeezuz - you'd think us Capies would've sorted you out already?
What about visrot - your feet and him had such a connection!

I'm actually threatning to go out and get some Burger King on the way home after work.
But I'm not in my PPP (People Power Person) mode today - been knocking back painkillers for my back.
So just getting home to bed will be my mission.
Some other time if you care to.


googoodoll said:
I did too at a stage - until I met the love of my life :o
Click to expand...

Awwwww :sick:


:p
 
Beachless said:
Have you tried the Stockholm method?

It sounds most appropriate for you.
Click to expand...

attachment.php
 
nukefission said:
Hello,I don`t know if this is how people make friends but I`ve read lots of books and studied people so this is my basic algorithm on how to make friends.

Feel free to critique/advise on it etc
Is this how most people generally do it?

Step 1 :
Meet person, though something common like a hobby, club, group etc

This is easy, as there are plenty of possibly suitable people around in this world.
Just join a club or something similar

said person will now be an acquaintance.
You might help them if they need help,but only because you`re a human being.
You know bits of information about them,but not much about their feelings.

Step 2 :
Initiate contact with person, usually a friendly conversation starter or if you`re lucky a common activity/reason for contact.

I struggle quite a bit with this...
I tried saying hello and introducing myself and making small talk about the common thing we share
It worked fine but then things never progressed beyond that.

Still acquaintance but moving into friend territory.
You might help them if they need help,but only because you`re a human being but now you`d be more willing to help them since you`re closer to them.

You know a decent amount about them and a bit about their feelings.

Step 3 :
Escalate level of 'friendship', usually by more common interests and interaction outside of the common/shared activity. may/may not work depending on the other person.

I have absolutely no fekking clue how to do this....Share personal information?, feelings?, spend time together?
maintain regular contact? it just happens?

Now this person is your friend right?
You`d likely help them out because they are your friend and you want to help them.

You know a lot about them and their feelings and probably vice versa...


Optional : Step 4:
Again escalate, may/may not work depending on the other person.

I have no clue how to do this either.Same as step 4.

This person is a close friend.Most people have a few,I think I have a few.
You`d likely want to help them if they need help,such as being stranded,shot,needing to bury a body :p

They probably know your personal secrets and you know theirs...

Side note : I`m dealing with this with my psychologist,but in the meantime I posted this :p:)
Social things are incredibly complex...:(
Click to expand...


Initiate contact with person, usually a friendly conversation starter or if you`re lucky a common activity/reason for contact.
Click to expand...

This is when they say "I am married"...
Thanks!
 
Fafa said:
I think the bigger problem is that you are genuinely not interested in the other person. You live more in your own world and what is important to you. It is an absolute pain to ask the other person how he/she is doing, as it is a pain to actually show interest in what their response is :)

Think about this and tell me if you relate to this :)
Click to expand...

Exactly me to the T!I have very strict criteria for a friend though.Im very sociable but i choose not to have friends for your very reason.
 
Beachless said:
Have you tried the Stockholm method?

It sounds most appropriate for you.
Click to expand...
I have considered it,but the logistics are likely illegal & immoral.
Not ideal for a long term friendship
Fafa said:
I think the bigger problem is that you are genuinely not interested in the other person. You live more in your own world and what is important to you. It is an absolute pain to ask the other person how he/she is doing, as it is a pain to actually show interest in what their response is :)

Think about this and tell me if you relate to this :)
Click to expand...
I am genuinely interested,many acquiescence of mine share similar interests to me.
However I do agree,I have a huge world inside my head, many times people have no idea what I`m talking about...occasionally do clarify it for them
ShaunSA said:
Friends are highly over-rated. I prefer fwb's :whistle:
Click to expand...
I am a nuclear reactor,how shall I use these "benefits"?
Good.Fellow said:
This is when they say "I am married"...
Thanks!
Click to expand...
Doesn`t mean you cant be my friend :(
systemofpurplelimpminion said:
I find that people are generally very closed off and selfish. It is very difficult to make lasting friends
Click to expand...
I agree,but having many friends increases the statistical likelihood of finding them

visirot went silent...I thin he/she found another pair of feet on the side :cry:
 
Pooky said:
I'm so scared because people say they meet their best friends for life at university and I haven't so will I be a loner Scrooge forever
Click to expand...

I'm graduating this year, and I'm pretty sure my mates that I have now will be life-long friends.
 
I find making friends really hard actually. I am at university, I haven't made a single friend yet. I have chatted to quite a few people, I don't click with them. I think I might have social anxiety maybe - I do kinda get those paranoid moments when I would think all the people are just against me. There are societies, but none of them interest me (none are within my interest). Well I am most likely transferring university next year, or changing my course, so I can start afresh. I read through the guide, it sounds like it can help. I know people have said go to parties to make friends, doesn't that mean they will be too drunk to remember you? :)

EDIT: I think with me, I don't really know how to initiate a conversation. I worry if the people will say "Oh, this guy is annoying me...". I don't know if I should consider seeing a shrink or something.

Even in high school, I only met my best friends when I got to grade 10. Grade 8 and 9 were my worst years. Maybe I make friends a lot slower than usual??
 
Last edited:
koeks525 said:
I find making friends really hard actually. I am at university, I haven't made a single friend yet. I have chatted to quite a few people, I don't click with them. I think I might have social anxiety maybe - I do kinda get those paranoid moments when I would think all the people are just against me. There are societies, but none of them interest me (none are within my interest). Well I am most likely transferring university next year, or changing my course, so I can start afresh. I read through the guide, it sounds like it can help. I know people have said go to parties to make friends, doesn't that mean they will be too drunk to remember you? :)

EDIT: I think with me, I don't really know how to initiate a conversation. I worry if the people will say "Oh, this guy is annoying me...". I don't know if I should consider seeing a shrink or something.

Even in high school, I only met my best friends when I got to grade 10. Grade 8 and 9 were my worst years. Maybe I make friends a lot slower than usual??
Click to expand...
paranoia... I`m getting over mine buy just taking the chance, If they are actually out to get me, then so be eat :)

Social anxiety,you become extremely stressed in social environments? do you not know what to do in social environments
I used to totally freak out and meltdown in social situations,I still do in extreme cases, which I usually solve by removing myself from the situation. I used to worry if I annoyed them, but I realized they`ll probably tell me and if not then screw them!
zizo911 said:
I'm within walking distance
Click to expand...
Awesome! so am I :p
I`ll inbox you coordinates and times :p
 
nukefission said:
paranoia... I`m getting over mine buy just taking the chance, If they are actually out to get me, then so be eat :)

Social anxiety,you become extremely stressed in social environments? do you not know what to do in social environments
I used to totally freak out and meltdown in social situations,I still do in extreme cases, which I usually solve by removing myself from the situation. I used to worry if I annoyed them, but I realized they`ll probably tell me and if not then screw them!
Click to expand...

Yeah that's what I feel at times, most of the time I get afraid to go and talk to other people, I don't know how to start talking to people, what they like, what they don't like....etc. I don't know how to "escalate" a conversation to a "lets go for drinks" or something similar. To be honest, I feel much better staying in my room just doing my own work :( (I know its really a bad habbit). I have started gym lately, perhaps that will make me feel better in social conditions? I was thinking of even going to church (well I'm an atheist) to perhaps make friends that side. I dunno.

That's why I say, I probably have social anxiety. I have thought about this, and it seems the easy way out is to transfer to another university next year (this university has got 2 or 3 societies that fit in my interests). But I am not sure if "taking the easy way" is the right way or just a cowardly move. I've already applied to transfer, if they do admit me, then I will stop stressing myself about having no friends, suck it up for the year and start afresh next year. That was my plan.

I don't know if seeing a psychologist or something is going to help me in any way. Or what I can do to beat this "fear" I got.
 
Last edited:
koeks525 said:
I have thought about this, and it seems the easy way out is to transfer to another university next year (this university has got 2 or 3 societies that fit in my interests). But I am not sure if "taking the easy way" is the right way or just a cowardly move. I've already applied to transfer, if they do admit me, then I will stop stressing myself about having no friends, suck it up for the year and start afresh next year. That was my plan.
Click to expand...

I changed schools for various reasons in grade 10 and even though I knew a lot of people from the new school it took a long time for me to make real friends and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. But in the end things worked out much better in the new school and the only thing I regret is not going there sooner :)

In university I made one friend and we got along quite well but she isn't someone I'd miss if she went away. We still make contact now and then and that's enough for me.

Other than that, my 'friends' from high school were mostly guys and lost interest in our friendship as soon as I got a boyfriend so I'm glad I got rid of that bunch :D

I have one best friend and I'm completely happy with how things are :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X