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I am having a breakdown
- Thread starter headache
- Start date
ShaunSA
Derailment Squad
Apparently the cheap half, according to ice_cubes
If you're paying 20 bucks for head you're doing it wrong
I always love it when single people who don't have a clue give relationship/marriage advice
Yeah but wouldn't you agree that being single gives me an objective view?
hello All
no I didn't abandon the thread. I was just applying some of the advices I got here.
so a bit of an update. I contacted a lawyer regarding maintenance, My lawyer has been in touch with the ex and we met up, and drafted a Parental Plan, which specifies our responsibility towards Our baby. His main beef was that; he doesn't want to deposit money in to my bank account because he is not sure if that money will be used towards the child or towards my needs. So we decided that he will take care of all school expenses starting from this month onwards while I take care of the rest. it worked out better because the main expense has always been school fees. the lawyer will be finalising the plan soon and taking it to court to make it a court order to protect any of us in a case where one party contravenes the parental plan.
Regarding my husband, as someone has mentioned here its not easy to pack up and go and file for divorce. families are involved and have to be included when things go south. so last week I scheduled a meeting with his parents to tell them everything that has been going on to build up my case. they called him in to get his side of the story. So far they are on my side but we all know blood is thicker than water. they are scheduling counselling for us and have asked us to try and work things out, he has apologised and all even though he insist it didn't go further than few dates (Lame I know). so yes I am still with the sucker and only time will tell.
no I didn't abandon the thread. I was just applying some of the advices I got here.so a bit of an update. I contacted a lawyer regarding maintenance, My lawyer has been in touch with the ex and we met up, and drafted a Parental Plan, which specifies our responsibility towards Our baby. His main beef was that; he doesn't want to deposit money in to my bank account because he is not sure if that money will be used towards the child or towards my needs. So we decided that he will take care of all school expenses starting from this month onwards while I take care of the rest. it worked out better because the main expense has always been school fees. the lawyer will be finalising the plan soon and taking it to court to make it a court order to protect any of us in a case where one party contravenes the parental plan.
Regarding my husband, as someone has mentioned here its not easy to pack up and go and file for divorce. families are involved and have to be included when things go south. so last week I scheduled a meeting with his parents to tell them everything that has been going on to build up my case. they called him in to get his side of the story. So far they are on my side but we all know blood is thicker than water. they are scheduling counselling for us and have asked us to try and work things out, he has apologised and all even though he insist it didn't go further than few dates (Lame I know). so yes I am still with the sucker and only time will tell.
Pho3nix
The Legend
hello All
so a bit of an update. I contacted a lawyer regarding maintenance, My lawyer has been in touch with the ex and we met up, and drafted a Parental Plan, which specifies our responsibility towards Our baby. His main beef was that; he doesn't want to deposit money in to my bank account because he is not sure if that money will be used towards the child or towards my needs. So we decided that he will take care of all school expenses starting from this month onwards while I take care of the rest. it worked out better because the main expense has always been school fees. the lawyer will be finalising the plan soon and taking it to court to make it a court order to protect any of us in a case where one party contravenes the parental plan.
Regarding my husband, as someone has mentioned here its not easy to pack up and go and file for divorce. families are involved and have to be included when things go south. so last week I scheduled a meeting with his parents to tell them everything that has been going on to build up my case. they called him in to get his side of the story. So far they are on my side but we all know blood is thicker than water. they are scheduling counselling for us and have asked us to try and work things out, he has apologised and all even though he insist it didn't go further than few dates (Lame I know). so yes I am still with the sucker and only time will tell.
Great to hear maintainance is going to happen.
As for the husband, why a box of condoms?
Ho3n3r
Honorary Master
Pho3nix
The Legend
:erm:
What has confused you? He says it never went further than a couple dates. Why did the husband buy a box of condoms?
A box! A box! She stated she was on birth control so they aren't needed. A box!
ShaunSA
Derailment Squad
Buying condoms means he planned to use them. It gives no indication of the success of his plan.
I also recall the box still being sealed. Although even if it was open it still wouldn't mean anything.
hello All
so a bit of an update. I contacted a lawyer regarding maintenance, My lawyer has been in touch with the ex and we met up, and drafted a Parental Plan, which specifies our responsibility towards Our baby. His main beef was that; he doesn't want to deposit money in to my bank account because he is not sure if that money will be used towards the child or towards my needs. So we decided that he will take care of all school expenses starting from this month onwards while I take care of the rest. it worked out better because the main expense has always been school fees. the lawyer will be finalising the plan soon and taking it to court to make it a court order to protect any of us in a case where one party contravenes the parental plan.
I'm glad things worked out for you here.
I honestly wish things will work out for you, but are you really going to be able to trust him after what he's done? Can you keep your sanity when you'll no doubt have to keep a constant eye on him or decide to ignore your intuition all together? Will this apology really make you forgive him or forget what he's done? How sure are you that the other woman is out of the picture? Even if he feels guilty now AFTER being caught, how sure are you that he won't go back to her (total BS about only a few dates with the other woman. The scumbag didn't come home a number of times, so where did he supposedly sleep?) or cheat again?
This faith you have that his parents have shamed him enough to get him to stop sounds blind to me. But if you're really going to take him back, then at least have him tested for STDs just to be on the safe side.
Ho3n3r
Honorary Master
Relax yourself.
I thought you were replying to the specific post, and I found no mention of condoms.
I see it was mentioned in another post from like a month ago. A sane person would've calmly pointed that out.
Apparently the cheap half, according to ice_cubes
bwahahaha!
predictions for nextweek: It was more than one woman...He only confessed to the one he got caught with
I'm glad the maintenance is going well. Yeah, always funny how some people dont want to deposit money straight into your bank account. Like you are supposed to now call him to do an eft every time you go shopping 4 kid stuff & he will do a magic transfer to the till mxmmmm
spiderz
Honorary Master
Ho3n3r
Honorary Master
... but but ... a BOX of condoms!!!!
It's a box alright...
SoulTax
Executive Member
I am going to say something that might be really upsetting, but I think it needs to be said.
He probably cheats or cheated because he doesn't respect you and he feels like he can walk all over you. . And the fact that you took your case to his parents first, instead of directly to him, sort of reinforces that belief within him. If you actually wanted him to stop cheating on you, then you probably needed to show him a sign of true strength, to make him respect you again.
Going to his parents has probably lowered his respect for you, which means that he is even more likely to now cheat out of spite. No grown man wants to feel his parents are telling him what to do in any way. And you putting him in that position, will not have raised his opinion of you at all.
If you genuinely wanted to reform your marriage, you have started on the wrong foot entirely. And if there was a slim chance before, of your hubby correcting his ways and becoming faithful to you once again, that chance has just drastically gone down to next to nothing.
Rather get out now, it really cannot end well from this point onwards. Save yourself the heartache of years of trying.
He probably cheats or cheated because he doesn't respect you and he feels like he can walk all over you. . And the fact that you took your case to his parents first, instead of directly to him, sort of reinforces that belief within him. If you actually wanted him to stop cheating on you, then you probably needed to show him a sign of true strength, to make him respect you again.
Going to his parents has probably lowered his respect for you, which means that he is even more likely to now cheat out of spite. No grown man wants to feel his parents are telling him what to do in any way. And you putting him in that position, will not have raised his opinion of you at all.
If you genuinely wanted to reform your marriage, you have started on the wrong foot entirely. And if there was a slim chance before, of your hubby correcting his ways and becoming faithful to you once again, that chance has just drastically gone down to next to nothing.
Rather get out now, it really cannot end well from this point onwards. Save yourself the heartache of years of trying.
I wouldn't go that far.
In my culture its expected & actually seen as normal that you call his family first & get a family meeting between the elders.
SoulTax
Executive Member
Yeah that is cool and all. But regardless of culture, all men are the same in this regard. Once we branch out on our own, mummy or daddy telling us what to do is a huge no-no. We dislike it entirely. If we can find someone to pin that dislike on, we will do it. So he is going to pin his dislike onto his wife, simple as that.
It just has the scent of primary school "tattletaling", and regardless of culture, nobody likes a tattletale.
If this family is African/Afrikaans (I think this also applies to Afrikaans people?), it would make sense that she would involve her in-laws. However, I agree with you that it won't really solve anything. His apology only proves that he cares what his parents think of him. It doesn't prove that he's sorry or feels any remorse for hurting his wife. He will most certainly cheat again.
Headache, you need to get out now, for both your son and your sake. I don't see what's so special about being married that would make you decide to stay in such a toxic relationship.
Listen to ice_cubes. She knows what she's talking about. She was in a similar situation and got out.
Pho3nix
The Legend
But you know the family will never agree to a divorce. I've seen family meetings where the man was physically abusing the wife and they were told to stick it out.
I think in this case it is a cultural thing. The parents are the correct counsel in this case.