I despise weakness and dependence.

[Zewp]

Okay, so here's an odd one. In a relationship, I absolutely despise any form of dependence, I guess? So, as most of you will remember, I posted this thread a while back, and things have been dragging out for a while now. Kinda my fault, as I didn't really want to have to tell her it wasn't going to work. So the past two weeks she suddenly got very needy, and we weren't even in a relationship. Wanted me to call her daily, etc. It reached the point over the weekend where she organized to sleep over at a friend and braai at our house and was in the process of planning a roadtrip the following day just for me and her. So, I then told her there that things aren't going to work like she's hoping it will, and she burst into tears.

I was utterly disgusted, and realized that I had actually been disgusted/irritated with her for a while, and pinned it on her neediness and vulnerability. I didn't actually even feel bad for her, despite the fact that her friend claims she cried the entirety of the following day.

I don't know if I'm just heartless, but I've reached the conclusion that I simply despise vulnerability and dependence in a relationship. And yes, I mean despise. I think that's why, although I'm attracted to both sexes, I generally prefer to go for guys. At the risk of sounding like a stereotyping douche, I've found that guys are generally a lot easier to be in a relationship with than girls. They're a lot more independent, and I love that.

I don't want to have to report to you every time I go somewhere during the day. Hell, I don't necessarily even want to contact you every day. If I don't hear from you for a day or two, it's no skin off my back. I don't want to deal with your all emotional issues. I'll be there when you really need it, but I'm not your psychiatrist. If you go somewhere with friends, you really don't have to let me know. We don't have to go everywhere together either. People who handle relationships in this way generally irritate the living hell out of me, same as people who are always Facebooking each other about how much they love one another.

I dunno. I spoke to one of my friends about it, and her opinion was that I'm a cold bastard and definitely not relationship-material. Anyone else feel this way about relationships?

 

[Nick333]

As much as the ideal of the strong independent type is touted humans are basically dependent and needy. There are extremes of course. I'd say you're on one extreme.

Extreme neediness can be distasteful but so can callous disregard for others vulnerability. Strong relationships are built on shared vulnerability. We trust our loved ones with our vulnerability and they reciprocate. That's pretty much what real friendship is.

You never liked this girl but you liked the attention until it cost you something. All relationships you get anything from cost something even if it's a bit of kindness.

Your friend is right - you're not relationship material. You're still selfish and immature (and I'm guessing out of touch with your own emotional needs). But unless you're a sociopath you will find yourself in a vulnerable position to someone one day. I hope for your sake it's with someone kinder than yourself.

 

[STS]

Okay, so here's an odd one. In a relationship, I absolutely despise any form of dependence, I guess? So, as most of you will remember, I posted this thread a while back, and things have been dragging out for a while now. Kinda my fault, as I didn't really want to have to tell her it wasn't going to work. So the past two weeks she suddenly got very needy, and we weren't even in a relationship. Wanted me to call her daily, etc. It reached the point over the weekend where she organized to sleep over at a friend and braai at our house and was in the process of planning a roadtrip the following day just for me and her. So, I then told her there that things aren't going to work like she's hoping it will, and she burst into tears.

I was utterly disgusted, and realized that I had actually been disgusted/irritated with her for a while, and pinned it on her neediness and vulnerability. I didn't actually even feel bad for her, despite the fact that her friend claims she cried the entirety of the following day.

I don't know if I'm just heartless, but I've reached the conclusion that I simply despise vulnerability and dependence in a relationship. And yes, I mean despise. I think that's why, although I'm attracted to both sexes, I generally prefer to go for guys. At the risk of sounding like a stereotyping douche, I've found that guys are generally a lot easier to be in a relationship with than girls. They're a lot more independent, and I love that.

I don't want to have to report to you every time I go somewhere during the day. Hell, I don't necessarily even want to contact you every day. If I don't hear from you for a day or two, it's no skin off my back. I don't want to deal with your all emotional issues. I'll be there when you really need it, but I'm not your psychiatrist. If you go somewhere with friends, you really don't have to let me know. We don't have to go everywhere together either. People who handle relationships in this way generally irritate the living hell out of me, same as people who are always Facebooking each other about how much they love one another.

I dunno. I spoke to one of my friends about it, and her opinion was that I'm a cold bastard and definitely not relationship-material. Anyone else feel this way about relationships?

while i'm not the greatest person when it comes to relationships, i just wonder how you can despise weakness but you couldn't tell her off the bat. i mean we don't understand your situation and it would be easy for us to judge, but it just strikes me that you had a kind of dependence on attention from her. but that is the way i read into it.

hearts do get broken, and if you hadn't done anything to really suggest you wanted to be in a relationship though i can't see how it can be your fault. i've hurt a lot of people too in my life, so i tell people off the bat that i don't want or expect anything, maybe it'll help you with future relationships if you adopt a similar approach

 

[Lycanthrope]

Okay, so here's an odd one. In a relationship, I absolutely despise any form of dependence, I guess? So, as most of you will remember, I posted this thread a while back, and things have been dragging out for a while now. Kinda my fault, as I didn't really want to have to tell her it wasn't going to work. So the past two weeks she suddenly got very needy, and we weren't even in a relationship. Wanted me to call her daily, etc. It reached the point over the weekend where she organized to sleep over at a friend and braai at our house and was in the process of planning a roadtrip the following day just for me and her. So, I then told her there that things aren't going to work like she's hoping it will, and she burst into tears.

I was utterly disgusted, and realized that I had actually been disgusted/irritated with her for a while, and pinned it on her neediness and vulnerability. I didn't actually even feel bad for her, despite the fact that her friend claims she cried the entirety of the following day.

I don't know if I'm just heartless, but I've reached the conclusion that I simply despise vulnerability and dependence in a relationship. And yes, I mean despise. I think that's why, although I'm attracted to both sexes, I generally prefer to go for guys. At the risk of sounding like a stereotyping douche, I've found that guys are generally a lot easier to be in a relationship with than girls. They're a lot more independent, and I love that.

I don't want to have to report to you every time I go somewhere during the day. Hell, I don't necessarily even want to contact you every day. If I don't hear from you for a day or two, it's no skin off my back. I don't want to deal with your all emotional issues. I'll be there when you really need it, but I'm not your psychiatrist. If you go somewhere with friends, you really don't have to let me know. We don't have to go everywhere together either. People who handle relationships in this way generally irritate the living hell out of me, same as people who are always Facebooking each other about how much they love one another.

I dunno. I spoke to one of my friends about it, and her opinion was that I'm a cold bastard and definitely not relationship-material. Anyone else feel this way about relationships?

You really should have just ended this with her before she became emotionally invested in you and got her hopes up.

Could have saved both of you a lot of frustration, heartache and nonsense.

 

[Zyzzyva]

As much as the ideal of the strong independent type is touted humans are basically dependent and needy. There are extremes of course. I'd say you're on one extreme.

Extreme neediness can be distasteful but so can callous disregard for others vulnerability. Strong relationships are built on shared vulnerability. We trust our loved ones with our vulnerability and they reciprocate. That's pretty much what real friendship is.

You never liked this girl but you liked the attention until it cost you something. All relationships you get anything from cost something even if it's a bit of kindness.

Your friend is right - you're not relationship material. You're still selfish and immature (and I'm guessing out of touch with your own emotional needs). But unless you're a sociopath you will find yourself in a vulnerable position to someone one day. I hope for your sake it's with someone kinder than yourself.

Pretty good post.

 

[TJ99]

I know exactly what you mean, I'm the same way.

Well, apart from being attracted to dudes of course, but I feel the same way about women. I just can't bring myself to care about their whining about every little thing. I get seriously irritated with the constant calling/sms'ing/checking up stuff as well. Apparently I'm dead inside because of that. Actually my last girlfriend told me I'm like House. I took it as a compliment because House is a legend and a genius but apparently it wasn't meant in a good way... meh.

 

[Ejeckt]

Your friend is right - you're not relationship material. You're still selfish and immature (and I'm guessing out of touch with your own emotional needs).

+1

But unlike Nick I don't think you'll grow out of it. Hope you find someone who won't love you as much as you won't love them, though. You can just relish each others' independence and constantly remind each other how you don't need each other. It's the new way of saying "I love you"

But seriously now. Being apathetic is not a healthy human behaviour. When someone is seriously upset and crying it's not OK to feel disgusted. I suggest you see a professional.

Actually my last girlfriend told me I'm like House. I took it as a compliment because House is a legend and a genius but apparently it wasn't meant in a good way... meh.

Yeah not a compliment. Pretty sure House was specifically written as a medical genius but social moron.

 

[w1z4rd]

Okay, so here's an odd one. In a relationship, I absolutely despise any form of dependence, I guess? So, as most of you will remember, I posted this thread a while back, and things have been dragging out for a while now. Kinda my fault, as I didn't really want to have to tell her it wasn't going to work. So the past two weeks she suddenly got very needy, and we weren't even in a relationship. Wanted me to call her daily, etc. It reached the point over the weekend where she organized to sleep over at a friend and braai at our house and was in the process of planning a roadtrip the following day just for me and her. So, I then told her there that things aren't going to work like she's hoping it will, and she burst into tears.

I was utterly disgusted, and realized that I had actually been disgusted/irritated with her for a while, and pinned it on her neediness and vulnerability. I didn't actually even feel bad for her, despite the fact that her friend claims she cried the entirety of the following day.

I don't know if I'm just heartless, but I've reached the conclusion that I simply despise vulnerability and dependence in a relationship. And yes, I mean despise. I think that's why, although I'm attracted to both sexes, I generally prefer to go for guys. At the risk of sounding like a stereotyping douche, I've found that guys are generally a lot easier to be in a relationship with than girls. They're a lot more independent, and I love that.

I don't want to have to report to you every time I go somewhere during the day. Hell, I don't necessarily even want to contact you every day. If I don't hear from you for a day or two, it's no skin off my back. I don't want to deal with your all emotional issues. I'll be there when you really need it, but I'm not your psychiatrist. If you go somewhere with friends, you really don't have to let me know. We don't have to go everywhere together either. People who handle relationships in this way generally irritate the living hell out of me, same as people who are always Facebooking each other about how much they love one another.

I dunno. I spoke to one of my friends about it, and her opinion was that I'm a cold bastard and definitely not relationship-material. Anyone else feel this way about relationships?

Sounds like you are looking for a chick that is going to **** you over. Good luck with that. There are plenty of them Sounds like the type of girl that will meet your needs will be a stripper, a prostitute or a lawyer

 

[gustavdp]

Sounds like you are looking for a chick that is going to **** you over. Good luck with that. There are plenty of them Sounds like the type of girl that will meet your needs will be a stripper, a prostitute or a lawyer

rofl @ the lawyer part!

 

[killadoob]

I've found that guys are generally a lot easier to be in a relationship with than girls.


Whahahaha so then date males, why you chasing the fish if you find the sausage easier to take down? If you think sausage is without emotional needs you are highly mistaken.

 

[WaxLyrical]

You did the right thing, seeing that this girl is only 18 and is completely immature.
When she grows up a little she'll thank you for dumping her.

 

[blunomore]

Okay, so here's an odd one. In a relationship, I absolutely despise any form of dependence, I guess? So, as most of you will remember, I posted this thread a while back, and things have been dragging out for a while now. Kinda my fault, as I didn't really want to have to tell her it wasn't going to work. So the past two weeks she suddenly got very needy, and we weren't even in a relationship. Wanted me to call her daily, etc. It reached the point over the weekend where she organized to sleep over at a friend and braai at our house and was in the process of planning a roadtrip the following day just for me and her. So, I then told her there that things aren't going to work like she's hoping it will, and she burst into tears.

I was utterly disgusted, and realized that I had actually been disgusted/irritated with her for a while, and pinned it on her neediness and vulnerability. I didn't actually even feel bad for her, despite the fact that her friend claims she cried the entirety of the following day.

I don't know if I'm just heartless, but I've reached the conclusion that I simply despise vulnerability and dependence in a relationship. And yes, I mean despise. I think that's why, although I'm attracted to both sexes, I generally prefer to go for guys. At the risk of sounding like a stereotyping douche, I've found that guys are generally a lot easier to be in a relationship with than girls. They're a lot more independent, and I love that.

I don't want to have to report to you every time I go somewhere during the day. Hell, I don't necessarily even want to contact you every day. If I don't hear from you for a day or two, it's no skin off my back. I don't want to deal with your all emotional issues. I'll be there when you really need it, but I'm not your psychiatrist. If you go somewhere with friends, you really don't have to let me know. We don't have to go everywhere together either. People who handle relationships in this way generally irritate the living hell out of me, same as people who are always Facebooking each other about how much they love one another.

I dunno. I spoke to one of my friends about it, and her opinion was that I'm a cold bastard and definitely not relationship-material. Anyone else feel this way about relationships?

The mere fact that you are posting about it, means it troubles you that you are so cold hearted. If it did not trouble you, you would not have given it a second thought.

 

[ant_man]

I dunno. I spoke to one of my friends about it, and her opinion was that I'm a cold bastard and definitely not relationship-material. Anyone else feel this way about relationships?

She is talking Bollocks, There is Nothing wrong with feeling the way you do.
Some People get off on Needy Relationships and Others Dont.

 

[Clover]

The mere fact that you are posting about it, means it troubles you that you are so cold hearted. If it did not trouble you, you would not have given it a second thought.

just what I wanted to say, poor girl man!!! Something like that happened to me too. Although I try let her off being more conciderate. I still felt bad knowing her hurt was my doing. No use going on with a relationship if there is no pull

 

[Nick333]

She is talking Bollocks, There is Nothing wrong with feeling the way you do.
Some People get off on Needy Relationships and Others Dont.

Nothing wrong with despising weakness? Are you people Sith Lords? Grow up. Weakness is the human condition and I'm willing to bet that the only think stopping you being a needy weak ball of jelly is the right circumstances.

A lack of compassion is a sign of immaturity. We're talking about an 18 year old girl here. How do you despise a child for being weak and needy?

 

[Geriatrix]

Nick nailed it pretty much. If you just want a booty call, just get a booty call.

 

[ant_man]

Nothing wrong with despising weakness? Are you people Sith Lords? Grow up. Weakness is the human condition and I'm willing to bet that the only think stopping you being a needy weak ball of jelly is the right circumstances.

A lack of compassion is a sign of immaturity. We're talking about an 18 year old girl here. How do you despise a child for being weak and needy?

Sure Weakness is a Human Condition but that does not stop us from Despising it, it is the way we were brought up.

An 18 year Old is far from a child, a 12 Year Old yes but not 18 year old.

 

[Nick333]

Sure Weakness is a Human Condition but that does not stop us from Despising it, it is the way we were brought up.

An 18 year Old is far from a child, a 12 Year Old yes but not 18 year old.

Only to another 18 year old, which I'm guessing , is pretty close to your age.

I don't really mean to be personal. But, that attitude is just childish. You will learn this.

 

[Nick333]

Although, whether you will learn from it is another question altogether.

 

[dabean]

I was much the same until I suddenly wasn't. Don't worry about it you'll know when you meet the right person.