I don't dance.

[SauRoNZA]

I can't and I won't.

So ... I was invited into going to a typical Afrikaans dance club with a female colleague. We came via separate cars. She went with a girl friend.

We partied at her friend's place earlier this evening and the evening would have ended up very peachy if it hadn't been for her overbearing drive to ... dance.

Anyway, we got the club and continued chatting very nicely. We are close colleagues and naturally close friends (we all are), I know her most of her most intimate secrets.

But while we were talking her attention was diverted to another guy who wanted to dance with her. She's got her own free will so she skidded off to dance with him, at which point I downed my drink and left.

And here I am, 15 minutes later, posting this post.





This is the story of my life.

There are a few things I can not do ... and those things have had, and continue to have, a critical affect on my life ... and I can not compensate for it.

I don't see the problem here.

Not everyone will always do everything that everyone else does.

You don't dance, she probably can't/won't ever scooba-dive because she is fearful of bubbles or something.

Hardly an issue.


In my opinion a far worse solution to a "problem" like this is doing something that makes you unhappy to try to make someone else happy or happier...especially if your not doing it wouldn't really change their lives in any meaningful way anyway.


If it's that much of a problem for you, then someone else should be able to easily understand.


And for the record, I don't dance either. I probably can if I really wanted to, but like you I just don't like it and never will.

 

[bwana]

I don't see the problem here.

Not everyone will always do everything that everyone else does.

You don't dance, she probably can't/won't ever scooba-dive because she is fearful of bubbles or something.


Hardly an issue.

While approaching a woman and saying hey baby, wanna scuba would be a novel approach it's not really the social norm. Dancing however/unfortunately is… and fwiw ability doesn't really matter all that much.

 

[Russell S]

I hate dancing with a passion!

So much so that I go out of my way to avoid social occasions where dancing suddenly becomes compulsory. I am generally social and have no problems with confidence, social interaction, public speaking or flirting. But dancing is another whole level of s**t for me. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable to the point that I start desperately looking for the nearest exit.

What really annoys me is that for people who enjoy it, it is like some kind of goddamn drug. The music goes on and suddenly they NEED their fix of self-imposed seizures; dragging everybody around them onto the dance floor. For me, this is the stuff of nightmares!

I have come to peace with the fact that I will never, ever, score with anybody on the dance floor. Except maybe some Goth chick who has a fetish for cadavers in the final stages of rigor mortis, which is what I resemble when I do dance.

 

[Nick333]

And extremely difficult to work on by sitting at home reading books & watching how-to videos.

If not down right impossible. Lack of confidence stems from the belief that you have to hide who you really are. Not to get too deep about it but, not being able to relax and be yourself in public is fundamentally dishonest. It's a form of lying. I'm not being judgemental because I've been there and it's not a moral issue. But, being ashamed of making a bit of an ass of yourself simply by acting naturally is not healthy.

Anyway, becoming more confident is a case of taking risks and finding out that the world didn't rip you a part or even particularly care. Everyone is too worried about what everyone else thinks about them to care about what you're doing. And, when you do stand out from the crowd with a big grin on your face and the ability to laugh at yourself most people are too busy wishing they had your courage to judge your actions.

 

[Nick333]

I don't see the problem here.

Not everyone will always do everything that everyone else does.

You don't dance, she probably can't/won't ever scooba-dive because she is fearful of bubbles or something.

Hardly an issue.


In my opinion a far worse solution to a "problem" like this is doing something that makes you unhappy to try to make someone else happy or happier...especially if your not doing it wouldn't really change their lives in any meaningful way anyway.


If it's that much of a problem for you, then someone else should be able to easily understand.


And for the record, I don't dance either. I probably can if I really wanted to, but like you I just don't like it and never will.

Because scuba diving is such a cultural mainstay. :erm:

 

[Nick333]

I hate dancing with a passion!

So much so that I go out of my way to avoid social occasions where dancing suddenly becomes compulsory. I am generally social and have no problems with confidence, social interaction, public speaking or flirting. But dancing is another whole level of s**t for me. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable to the point that I start desperately looking for the nearest exit.

What really annoys me is that for people who enjoy it, it is like some kind of goddamn drug. The music goes on and suddenly they NEED their fix of self-imposed seizures; dragging everybody around them onto the dance floor. For me, this is the stuff of nightmares!

I have come to peace with the fact that I will never, ever, score with anybody on the dance floor. Except maybe some Goth chick who has a fetish for cadavers in the final stages of rigor mortise, which is what I resemble when I do dance.

Well done for being honest about it. People don't hate dancing just because it's not their thing - dancing is a universal pleasure, like food and sex - they hate it because it scares them and makes them feel uncomfortable.

It's interesting that otherwise confident people can be so terrified of dancing. I suspect because it's something that you can't fake. Everyone can tell if you're a good dancer or not whereas you can fake almost any other social interaction.

 

[saor]

If not down right impossible. Lack of confidence stems from the belief that you have to hide who you really are. Not to get too deep about it but, not being able to relax and be yourself in public is fundamentally dishonest. It's a form of lying. I'm not being judgemental because I've been there and it's not a moral issue. But, being ashamed of making a bit of an ass of yourself simply by acting naturally is not healthy.

I've noticed that during social bouts of chemical intoxication & I (seemingly) sense their perception of my (apparent) dishonesty or inability to play the life game properly which just leads to further paranoia & inability to relax which just compounds the issue. That was years ago though, & I don't play with those chemicals any more, but I do still have bouts of social awkwardness which is brought about by my awareness of not being able (or not willing) to engage with life properly.

Sometimes the line is right there in the sand, but I just can't seem to cross it and lose myself in the situation. It's a bit like singing when I'm with my family - I've done it once in all the years. I know it's ridiculous to be embarrassed about. I can logically theorize the embarrassment away, but as soon as someone picks up a guitar that theory is gone and I'm faced with that nonsensical embarrassment. Actually....embarrassment is the wrong word - it's the unwillingness to let go and play. And what it stems from is irrelevant imo, because no amount of logical analysis is going to lead to an improvement worth pursuing.

Getting out socially is helpful, though I procrastinate about it way too much . But I've found that eating healthy and doing something like nofap or meditation or studying etc. is a good way to bring yourself into the frame of mind of knowing that you're doing something with intent, and that 'ability', seems to automatically exert itself in other aspects of life - like being more socially comfortable.

...I've been there

Have you posted about this before somewhere?

 

[Picard]

But I've found that eating healthy and doing something like nofap or meditation or studying etc. is a good way to bring yourself into the frame of mind ...

What's that you say?!?!?!

 

[SauRoNZA]

Well done for being honest about it. People don't hate dancing just because it's not their thing - dancing is a universal pleasure, like food and sex - they hate it because it scares them and makes them feel uncomfortable.

It's interesting that otherwise confident people can be so terrified of dancing. I suspect because it's something that you can't fake. Everyone can tell if you're a good dancer or not whereas you can fake almost any other social interaction.

I do believe you are wrong.

I can actually dance, obviously I'm not Michael Flatley, but I can do it just as well as any other normal guy because once upon a time I conformed to the social norm bull**** to impress other people.

I have however, never liked it.

*****

As for scuba it was obviously just an example for lack of a better socially "normal" one.

Replace it with drinking or driving or something else that's utterly every day that some people just can't or don't want to do.

 

[SauRoNZA]

If you absolutely must force yourself to dance for whatever reason...drugs work wonders.

It also makes the music bearable.

 

[Picard]

I love music ... but for dancing ....

Let me just say ... my opinion of dancing is that people like physical contact with the opposite sex. We have constructed a social norm where it is acceptable to experience this physical interaction without jeopardized our moral and ethical values.

But it's just basically in my opinion a loophole for I believe firmly in this quote ... dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire. As a matter of fact, this is going to be my next sig.

 

[Arthur]

You're already there, philosophically.

Now you need to eat earth and start dancing.

 

[Picard]

You're already there, philosophically.

Now you need to eat earth and start dancing.

Ahh, I understand.

I need to get a grip on the realities of life and just do what is necessary.

 

[Xena1]

[video=youtube;qOyF4hR5GoE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOyF4hR5GoE&feature=kp[/video]

Only thing about me is the way I walk ummmm

 

[I.am.Sam]

Not Sure if posted

but you need this

 

[Arthur]

Ahh, I understand.

I need to get a grip on the realities of life and just do what is necessary.

Praxis makes perfect.

It's hard for thinkers to escape themselves to dance as if no-one is watching. You've got the philosophical equipment to see the Dance in cosmic terms, and the nous to articulate it verbally. You're halfway there. Now you need to Do the Male Thing and, er, rise to actually instantiating the abstraction we men so quickly escape into. Male. Action. Initiate. Initiative. Show you are Capable of Controlled, Directed, Synchronous, and Vigorous Physical Movement. She will find you utterly irresistible. Especially if you're a serious guy who can laugh and dance. Guaranteed.

 

[Rickster]

I can't and I won't.

So ... I was invited into going to a typical Afrikaans dance club with a female colleague. We came via separate cars. She went with a girl friend.

We partied at her friend's place earlier this evening and the evening would have ended up very peachy if it hadn't been for her overbearing drive to ... dance.

Anyway, we got the club and continued chatting very nicely. We are close colleagues and naturally close friends (we all are), I know her most of her most intimate secrets.

But while we were talking her attention was diverted to another guy who wanted to dance with her. She's got her own free will so she skidded off to dance with him, at which point I downed my drink and left.

And here I am, 15 minutes later, posting this post.





This is the story of my life.

There are a few things I can not do ... and those things have had, and continue to have, a critical affect on my life ... and I can not compensate for it.

Did you expect to get lucky or am I missing something here?

 

[Nick333]

I've noticed that during social bouts of chemical intoxication & I (seemingly) sense their perception of my (apparent) dishonesty or inability to play the life game properly which just leads to further paranoia & inability to relax which just compounds the issue. That was years ago though, & I don't play with those chemicals any more, but I do still have bouts of social awkwardness which is brought about by my awareness of not being able (or not willing) to engage with life properly.

Sometimes the line is right there in the sand, but I just can't seem to cross it and lose myself in the situation. It's a bit like singing when I'm with my family - I've done it once in all the years. I know it's ridiculous to be embarrassed about. I can logically theorize the embarrassment away, but as soon as someone picks up a guitar that theory is gone and I'm faced with that nonsensical embarrassment. Actually....embarrassment is the wrong word - it's the unwillingness to let go and play. And what it stems from is irrelevant imo, because no amount of logical analysis is going to lead to an improvement worth pursuing.

Ja, knowing why something is broken isn't actually always necessary in order to fix it.

Getting out socially is helpful, though I procrastinate about it way too much . But I've found that eating healthy and doing something like nofap or meditation or studying etc. is a good way to bring yourself into the frame of mind of knowing that you're doing something with intent, and that 'ability', seems to automatically exert itself in other aspects of life - like being more socially comfortable.

Probably because social awkwardness often stems from feelings of unworthiness and exerting our will in even small ways is how we begin to feel worthy. You feel more comfortable socially because you feel more deserving of the esteem of others.

Have you posted about this before somewhere?

I don't remember to be honest. If not explicitly I've probably mentioned it on occasion. I was very self-concious for most of my adult life. I still am to a degree. I learnt to feel more comfortable when dealing with people by being forced to through work and business. I'm actually still a shy person - I still wish I had the balls to say and do things that I often just can't bring myself to do or say. How social I am really depends on my mood although often being in a social setting puts me in a confident mood. My feeling of self-worth is generally strong enough that I wont allow myself to be excluded.

 

[Tinuva]

I'm actually still a shy person - I still wish I had the balls to say and do things that I often just can't bring myself to do or say. How social I am really depends on my mood although often being in a social setting puts me in a confident mood. My feeling of self-worth is generally strong enough that I wont allow myself to be excluded.

Once you start doing that...you will find people may not always like what you have to say, but most importantly, they will have more respect for you. Nowadays, I just don't give ****. I say what I think or feel, if people don't like it, I just tell them to not make it my problem and deal with it on their own. That said, I don't overdo it, I still know where the line is where it will hurt other people directly or indirectly, and that fine line is something you will walk everyday, as long as you don't break the law or the social norms at your work place, people appreciate your directness. At least in my case people do.

 

[Nick333]

I love music ... but for dancing ....

Let me just say ... my opinion of dancing is that people like physical contact with the opposite sex. We have constructed a social norm where it is acceptable to experience this physical interaction without jeopardized our moral and ethical values.

But it's just basically in my opinion a loophole for I believe firmly in this quote ... dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire. As a matter of fact, this is going to be my next sig.

That's a bit of an over-simplification. You could reduce almost every human activity to a desire to fcck and make babies if you had the inclination. But, dancing is a way of achieving ecstasy in and of itself. The reason it becomes sexualised is because it is sensual and there are some obvious conclusions to be drawn about someone who is uninhibited and/or good at moving rhythmically.

Anyway, don't feel to smug that you've figured out that dancing gets you laid. It's hardly a secret. Also, don't think that simply getting on the dance floor and moving around a bit will get you laid. For a woman it's about her (what isn't). Make eye contact, be responsive and take the lead.