confused nerd
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- Aug 16, 2012
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I wish I understood life.
I've been single for almost a year, about two months ago I was so lonely I thought to myself, 'damn I don't care how she looks I just want a girlfriend.' I want someone to spend my time and energy on. Someone to give all my emotion and love.
And then I actually found someone, the perfect candidate for a long and meaningful relationship. 18 years old, pretty, a little insecure and a virgin. I swept her off her feet, told her what she wanted to hear. I took her virginity and believe me it meant a lot to her. She is absolutely madly in love with me. I am not in love with her, I think it's nice that's she's so serious about me and I love the fact that I actually have someone in my life again.
But... Jesus. I swear, as soon as you get a girlfriend you give off a pheromone or something that attracts girls. Within the first 3 days of me getting a girlfriend an old highschool friend confronted me saying she wants me and she kept inviting me over. I was at the time still very much fresh in love with my girlfriend so I declined.
That's not where it stopped though, work colleages I had known before starting hitting on me. And this is where I folded. I cheated on my girlfriend with a girl from work. This girl was extremely sexual, that's what attracted me to her. I could not pass up such an opportunity. But I don't know her intentions yet, I don't know if she would want a relationship with me.
I could not fathom that so many people would want me at one time, I mean... me? Nerdy little old me that had been single for almost a year? Nerdy little old me that yearned for a girlfriend so long? Now I'm cheating on one? What the actual ****? I look at myself in the mirror and think why, I don't even find myself that attractive, what is it about me that would lead to such a sudden interest?
Heh, then there's more. I confide in a friend about my current situation and she tells me, 'leave both of them and take me instead'. She said it jokingly, but she meant it. I asked her if she really wants to complicate my life even more and she said no, she'd only go for me if I left both of them. I did want to sleep with this girl, but I did not want to pass up these two girls either... I'm enjoying it too much.
I don't know what to do, at the moment I still sit here trying to process everything. At times I actually want to record the events to prove to myself that they're actually happening.
I don't love either of them, but I very much enjoy both of them. I'm being very selfish I know.
I don't know what to make of any of this. It just happened.
Now if ANY of these girls showed interest at one point or another during my life I would have loved it and dated them without any doubt in my mind. But why does it all happen at once?
I've been single for almost a year, about two months ago I was so lonely I thought to myself, 'damn I don't care how she looks I just want a girlfriend.' I want someone to spend my time and energy on. Someone to give all my emotion and love.
And then I actually found someone, the perfect candidate for a long and meaningful relationship. 18 years old, pretty, a little insecure and a virgin. I swept her off her feet, told her what she wanted to hear. I took her virginity and believe me it meant a lot to her. She is absolutely madly in love with me. I am not in love with her, I think it's nice that's she's so serious about me and I love the fact that I actually have someone in my life again.
But... Jesus. I swear, as soon as you get a girlfriend you give off a pheromone or something that attracts girls. Within the first 3 days of me getting a girlfriend an old highschool friend confronted me saying she wants me and she kept inviting me over. I was at the time still very much fresh in love with my girlfriend so I declined.
That's not where it stopped though, work colleages I had known before starting hitting on me. And this is where I folded. I cheated on my girlfriend with a girl from work. This girl was extremely sexual, that's what attracted me to her. I could not pass up such an opportunity. But I don't know her intentions yet, I don't know if she would want a relationship with me.
I could not fathom that so many people would want me at one time, I mean... me? Nerdy little old me that had been single for almost a year? Nerdy little old me that yearned for a girlfriend so long? Now I'm cheating on one? What the actual ****? I look at myself in the mirror and think why, I don't even find myself that attractive, what is it about me that would lead to such a sudden interest?
Heh, then there's more. I confide in a friend about my current situation and she tells me, 'leave both of them and take me instead'. She said it jokingly, but she meant it. I asked her if she really wants to complicate my life even more and she said no, she'd only go for me if I left both of them. I did want to sleep with this girl, but I did not want to pass up these two girls either... I'm enjoying it too much.
I don't know what to do, at the moment I still sit here trying to process everything. At times I actually want to record the events to prove to myself that they're actually happening.
I don't love either of them, but I very much enjoy both of them. I'm being very selfish I know.
I don't know what to make of any of this. It just happened.
Now if ANY of these girls showed interest at one point or another during my life I would have loved it and dated them without any doubt in my mind. But why does it all happen at once?
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