Thesis only, indeed. I would have loved to lecture and ****, but the field I'm in is overstocked on postdocs so it isn't realistic. Theoretical physics, for those who might care.
I've done a lot of work, but my heart and head was never in it. I only started because it was natural progression and time constraints during honours year was such that you can't really work up much of a proposal for yourself - so you go with whatever the supervisor thinks you should be doing.
There has been some stumbling blocks, but ultimately it's mostly the psychological toll up to this point that's been eating at me. A psychological toll I'd prefer not to further prolong. I've never taken emotional pills and I haven't been to a therapist since I was like 8.
It's a monkey I just need to get rid of, and at this stage of my life and the progress of the thesis I think it's best for me to end it. The anxiety, avoidance and guilt cycle is just not something I should continue to advance, when it's coming from almost day one.